'Stupidest' Answering Machine Message

It's an answering machine folks.

Sure, sometimes you screen.

But sometimes you are really not there, hence the idea of an 'answering machine.'

So when a business called --a harassing business --and left this message, I had to play it again because I could not believe my ears as well as not understanding a word of what was said the first time.

The gist of it said something like this:

"If this is the ________ residence, and you are ________, it is very important that we speak with you. We are (talking faster than I can even understand what the heck they are saying) and we can be reached at X-XXX-XXX-XXXX.

Since you are still on the line and have not hung up the phone yet, I assume that this is the __________ residence...."


People--we have not hung up the phone because we are not home and are not even hearing this phone message until 7 hours after the message was left.

Since you are still on the line and have not hung up the phone yet? Youhavegottobe_ittingme!

It's better to give than to receive!

Amen!

I just love giving gifts and seeing the reaction from the recipient!

We all had a great Christmas dinner and then the chaotic free-for-all frenzy which ensues afterward as there is no rhyme or reason as to 'what' and 'how' we carry out this yearly ritual.

The kids usually get the bulk of the gifts so we just keep pushing the boxes in front of them hoping that when they open our special gift, we see it.

I think everyone liked the gifts they received this year....some surprises.....and very heartfelt hand-made items.

I usually wind up doing the 'mad dash opening mine quickly' at the end so I can watch everyone else open their new acquisitions.

Always an energized exercise where everyone talks at the same time, and for really special gifts, you'll hear someone shout higher than the rest, 'OK everyone, get your cameras ready!' The paper goes flying, usually never making it into the 'makeshift' garbage bag where at least one person winds up getting pinged in the head.

Never fear, Sara usually winds up getting some type of 'accessory' to wear which she immediately puts on and wears for the rest of the festivities!

All in all, success achieved. We spent quality time with each other enjoying a great meal (with leftovers--always a plus)! Mom was definitely a present force in the midst of it all. We received some great gifts...

I can't explain the feeling I get, but it's good when we are all together and there is laughter, smiles from cheek to cheek, no worry or stress present, even if it's just for a few hours. The best gift that I can get from God and Santa Claus!

Merry Christmas!

Yes, I said Merry Christmas!

And to my friends who may not celebrate Christmas as such, the sentiment is still there stronger than ever for your traditional religious beliefs!

I'm in uncharted territory--celebrating Christmas from start to finish without Mom. Fortunately, I am not alone. But still, nothing I will do today will be like I've ever done it before!

I can not even imagine NOT celebrating Christmas. Yet, recently I saw Medium John Edwards talk about how, after a great tragedy or death of a loved one, many stop celebrating holidays, events, birthdays. Wow! I'm not like that. I must carry on the tradition and try harder to remember our loved ones, especially during these cherished times.

What WILL BE the same is singing all the Christmas Masses.

What's not the same is having a later dinner which leaves time for a little more baking! Gonna attempt to make our 'fruit pastry.' That's not what it's called but honestly, I could not spell it if my life depended on it! Basically it's dough filled with raisins and mincemeat topped with home made frosting baked golden brown! YUM!

Will mine taste like Mom's? That's been the question this whole holiday season!

I must say, even if it does not taste exactly the same, the fact that I have been able to pull together St. Nick, all of our baking, wrapping the gifts Mom already bought, and do everything else has been handled with the assistance of MOM. When I feel like I can't do something, somehow it all comes together!!!!

We decided this year to get gifts for everyone --whomever can afford it.

Honestly, Mom and I were a lot alike in many ways but buying gifts for people was a big one. If we saw something that reminded us of someone to a tee, we'd buy it even if it were February!!

I know some folks may feel bad if they can not give out gifts, but I don't care! One of the greatest joys for me (always has been) is picking 'the perfect' gift, giving it to someone I love and ultimately watching them open it. The look on their face is priceless!! I'd rather experience that feeling over and over again than getting all the gifts in the world.


Giving out the gifts Mom bought for everyone will be interesting. She bought everyone at least one gift already...


Well, there's not much more I can say. I know all of us will cherish spending the day with each other. We always have fun, laugh, and eat a delicious meal on Christmas. And over the last few years the Cleveland Cavaliers have been in the spotlight making our day even more enjoyable!

The day will not be the same without the Matriarch of the family physically with us but we must move forward.

I still can not believe that just over two months ago, Mom was still alive and I was talking with her and holding her hand. I can't believe the amazing trips we took this year and Mom's 80th birthday celebration. And with the stop of her heartbeat, it was all gone.

Blows my mind. I will never ever get over this life-changing event. I think all of us know Mom is still with us. She comes through to me, at least in someway, every single day--either through a song, a phrase someone else says that is totally Mom, words spewing out of my mouth that I would not say, or just helping me solve a problem that normally would not get solved.


And again, what will help me get through this holy day is knowing that Mom IS celebrating Christmas with us and more importantly with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!

Christmas Eve traditions

I'm proud of how I keep plugging along knowing what I want to accomplish this holiday season but not being too hard on myself if it does not get done in a timely fashion.

I've already established that I WILL send out our annual Christmas letter. As of this writing, the letter is not quite finished but the holiday season goes on for me until at least the Feast of the Three Kings!

I've also decided that I will continue making all of our Christmas cookies, even if I have to make some of them around and in the New Year.

This is my favorite time of the year. I know we've lost a great lady, but I will not let her down and stray from both of our most Sacred Holy Time and favorite holiday.

So today, I had more errands to run than anticipated but did get them all done. There's always one thing I forget that I can not find at the last minute. Happened again this year unfortunately.

An emotional day. I ran into Mom's old physical therapist who had no clue she had passed. And then as I shared the "Mom rainbow" story with the owner of The Dancing Sheep, I made her cry which in turn made me cry. I'm telling you, Mom is physically gone, but she and her amazing persona and the stories of how she is STILL with us continue affecting our lives and others.

We decided that everyone would go to Mass together, as always, but changed which Mass. Does not matter for me. I sing them all!

However, it was nice because after Mass, I had a bigger stretch of time before I had to go back over to Church.

I firmly believe we have the prettiest church in the Diocese. And our Pastor is a gem. It's a win-win situation! Then factor in the holiday music and you have a wonderful night.

I absolutely adore the music we sing each Christmas Season. The Bells usually play a few of the Masses and our Choir Director David gets his friend who plays the violin to accompany us.

By the time I went over to Church, I had laid out all of our hor'doerves for after Mass. The house smelled so wonderful. AAAH! It must be Christmas!

I like seeing so many old friends who don't come to Church the rest of the year or they come back to Cleveland to visit family at Christmastime. And, no snow. It's a beautiful Christmas Eve.

Father Gary personalizes so many of his sermons. He brought a tear (OK, many tears) to my eyes at the Mass my entire family attended. He saw everyone sitting out in the congregation and threw in a line saying 'he sees those in the pews who may be having a harder time this year because they've lost a family member this year...' I lost it. I had to mask it being in front with the choir, but it was very hard. Finally, by the end of the Mass, I had to bail out before the end of the closing song because it was just too hard.

We had a good night.

We ate, spent time together, laughed, the girls did some fast hand moves trying to teach the boys, and the boys taught everyone how to tie a tie!

I could not have asked for a better Christmas Eve --except to have Mom here with me. But then I get a smile on my face because Mom is spending Christmas Eve with Baby Jesus this year.

Rainbows End Christmas Tree

Believe it or not I've cut back on much of the fanfare I do for the holidays both at work and at home.

I've not thrown in the towel yet because Christmas is my favorite time of the year.

I'm just taking a realistic look at what I think I can and can not do with everything that's happened to me over the last few months.

That said, I'm still pushing too hard. I pulled a near all-nighter Monday and DID pull an all-nighter Tuesday.

I can hardly keep my eyes open, am typing crazy things at work but must stay awake a little while longer.

I need to have the immediate house straightened, food for Christmas Eve, my music in order...I don't have all the gifts I want yet.....some will have to wait until I can finish making them....and my Christmas letter is not complete BUT I am still sending it out. People will have to realize why it's late and be satisfied with that fact.

I hope I don't totally ruin Christmas Eve and Christmas for me by being passed out, too tired or worn down.

One of my accomplishments includes ditching the tree we've had the last few years --a fake tree where 1/2 the lights don't work anymore--and finding the perfect live tree.

I enjoy having a live Christmas tree each year.

This year, I found the perfect tree to honor Mom.

The name of it is 'The Rainbows End' and it is about 13 inches tall. It's perfect. I fell in love with it the minute I laid eyes on it.

I envisioned where to put it even before I found it and it is magnificent.

It will be my shrine to Mom. I have Evelyn's ornament, a few other special ornaments, and that's it. But, it's exquisite!

I've been successful at decorating the living room and dining room and that's about it.

The house is still in chaos but I can't get on myself as I used to.....I WILL eventually get my act together and bring everything in my life together in peace and harmony.

But more importantly, I will not let my favorite time of the year just sneak by without me enjoying at least a few holiday carols, being surrounded by decorations, baking my favorite mincemeat cookies, pizzelles and butterballs and spending quality time with family and friends!

The Birthday celebrations continue...

For someone who usually shys away from and cringes when the word 'birthday' is mentioned, it's been one heck of a celebration.

I enjoy parties, celebrating, remembering special occasions, and any reason to acknowledge a friend or family member...

I AM the party planner--one day will add that description to my long list of 'things I've done.'

However, my history with birthdays has not had a great track record causing me to be cautious.

It seemed the only person who really ever pulled it together for me was Mom.

Way back when she waved her magic wand and some how managed to get a bunch of my 'heroes,' the Cleveland Indians, to send me 'sweet 16' birthday cards from all over the world including one from Rookie of the Year Joe Charboneau and from Bo Diaz (rest in peace) who lived in Venezuela! No one and nothing will ever top that magical birthday!

Then when I got older and people started wrapping my birthday gifts in Christmas wrapping or giving me one gift for both, she initiated my 'half birthday' celebration in June!

Though I believe every day should be lived like it was the last, for some unknown reason, I cherish and count every minute of this 24-hour birth anniversary. My effort to make each second special on this particular day intensifies.

This year I forged ahead into this annual commemoration and 'uncharted waters' with an open mind knowing in my heart of hearts that though Mom was not physically here, she would orchestrate one heck of a birthday remembrance on my part.

And she has not let me down.

At the stroke of midnight on my birthday, one of Mom's favorite movies came on...no brainer--we had to watch it which turned into an all-night movie marathon!

I treated myself to a delicious slice of Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake while the cocktails freely flowed!

I found 3 beautiful ankle bracelets which Mom had squirrelled away for me.....they matched the lovely ring I bought for MYSELF on my birthday.

I have to tell you, I did not have plans for 'birthday proper.' My family had taken me out to dinner the weekend before.

My only obligation was singing at Church and I was going to make up the rest.

I received some pretty memorable cards including one from a dear friend in FLA.

I baked cookies all afternoon.....I truly felt Mom's presence as I acted as if I knew what I was doing. Even more amazing, the cookies came out just like Mom's!

I popped into my cousin Roseann's Christmas open house....had good food and great hospitality and then did whatever I wanted to do.

Some more of the same: good food, freely flowing drinks, terrific holiday movies and more much needed house work completed. Mom always hated when the newspapers piled up. Well, I'm sure she was cringing from above because not only were they piling up from the last few months but they were smack dab in the middle of the living room with no rhyme, no reason.

Cross that off of my to-do list and now I'm sure I am back in Mom's good graces!


All in all, the 24-hour holiday proper was tremendous.


But wait, there's more!


My choir sang at the Cathedral and actually made the late news! After church, one of MY all-time favorite movies came on fa-la-la-la Lifetime. Heaven!

The cleaning and decorating continued. Though there is still an insurmountable task ahead in the coming days, weeks, and months, some headway was made.


The festivities continued into the new week.


I was long overdue for a haircut. When I went to pay the bill, I found my stylist, Kelly, gave me a complimentary cut in honor of my birthday!


I believe that the only way the last few weeks could have happened without a hitch and with such merriment and joy is, once again, because of Mom--her unconditional love for me (and all of us), her wish for her children and grandchildren's happiness, and her feisty lingering spirit which will NEVER abandon us!

Is it being rude or just protecting yourself?

I'm quite conflicted with what I am about to say.

I was always taught to be nice to your fellow brothers and sisters....for you never know when the person you are helping, consoling, or feeding is really Jesus Christ.

Over the last few weeks I've run into a few overbearing, prying, intrusive people.

At first, I really tried being nice but it appears they are heading toward the label of being 'stalkers.' And now, though I still want to be Christian, I am going to put up a wall, be aloof, and downright rude if necessary. It looks like this 'new attitude' is the only way to protect myself and retain my sanity.

You will never guess where I've come across these people? CHURCH! That's right, CHURCH!


And unfortunately, I think I've said too much to them already.


These encounters were quite uncomfortable.


After morning Mass one day for Mom, one of the men proceeded to berate me about my future, my beliefs on marriage, and anything else he could say to upset me--all of this standing in the middle of the Church right before God. His African background and accompanying beliefs apparently differ from mine and the way I was raised. But what really gets me is two-fold: apparently, the meaning of that morning's Mass went right over his head and he does not respect other's opinions.


Then a few days later, the same man walked up to me, asked me where I worked --unfortunately I told him and he just walked away. He did not say, 'Oh, that's interesting!' He said nothing to further the conversation. He just walked away. What is up with that?!?!?!


The other man said he enjoys listening to the choir sing, especially me, and even moved up right next to us. Tho at first glance, that sounds flattering, the questions he asked at Church this weekend outright frightened me. Fortunately, another lady in choir was a witness, saw how upset I was getting and hopefully will back me up if she ever sees him again or report this to others.


It's really an awful feeling.


One place where I used to feel so safe, so secure, and in my element singing and praising God with the gift He gave me has been stolen away from me as I dread seeing these two rude men at Church now. They make me feel like I don't want to share my talents to the fullest because I feel the need to avoid them.


Quite a predicament. I know my family and friends will help protect & guide me in these situations, but hopefully, God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph and Mom will also help me and watch over me acting as my guardian angels.

Why should I get the H1N1 vaccine??!!?

Please tell me again why I should get the H1N1 vaccine?

I've never gotten a flu shot, and knock on wood, I've never really gotten the flu.

I've seen a lot of people get the flu shot and get very ill, including Mom who got the pneumonia shot one year and almost died from pneumonia.

Let's face it, I haven't even been to see a doctor in 5 and 1/2 years. Hopefully, that will change in the new year, but I just pray whichever new doctor I find does not find anything!


So I heard about the H1N1 Clinic at the Galleria. I figured, what the heck. I made a deal with myself. IF there is a line, I was going to turn around a leave and it was not meant to be.

IF there was no line, I was supposed to get the vaccine.

I pre-registered on-line the night before and printed out my paperwork.

Not only was there NO line, but the person in charge of the entire vaccine clinic was a fellow college classmate of mine.

That was a sure fire sign from God that I was to get the H1N1 vaccine.

When I saw Patrick, I did ask him, "So tell me again WHY I should get the H1N1 vaccine?"

And he said, "because we are old!"

Her doctor did not even know she was dead???!!?

OK, I'm not gonna get all crazy.

I'm not gonna go off on anyone.

I'm not gonna be negative or even complain.

I'm just telling a tale, a true tale at that, an UNBELIEVABLE true story as it unfolded before my eyes.

[Insert commentary here]
This saga of something that REALLY happened to me is a PERFECT example of why this world is so messed up. We don't communicate anymore. Texting, email, Twitter, Facebook does NOT count. Trust me, over the last 7 weeks alone, I've run across so many individuals and institutions who have lost the fine art of communicating. And what's even more exasperating is WHO is failing this quiz: businesses, banks, government agencies such as social security & pension, medical companies, insurance companies, cashiers, bankers, clerks and just normal folks.
[End of commentary]


I received a message on our answering machine from the office of one of Mom's Doctors. In fact, it was from the office of the main doctor who took care of Mom at the end of her life--her lung doctor.

Her lungs were fine when she went into Hillcrest Hospital (that was NOT the reason we rushed to the ER) but apparently laying in bed, not having anyone get you up or pay attention to you for the first 4 days Mom was there tends to cause pneumonia. Unfortunately, no matter how extensive the treatments, her lungs could not recover to beat the pneumonia or other ailments she picked up DURING her hospital stay.

She passed away.

Her lung doctor was the one who advised her along the way on her options, her treatments, her possible outcomes and was the one who ultimately took her off her oxygen, her meds, and just let her go.


So why in God's name is staff in her lung doctor's office calling our home and leaving messages that Mom has a doctor's appointment?

You are kidding me, right?

A cruel joke?


I am not confrontational and hate making waves. But I could not let this go. However, I did not make a big stink.

But deep down inside, I needed to call the office and let them know they really screwed up. They ALL need to communicate. They need to pay more attention to their patients. They need to think of their patients as people and not numbers.


She was shocked and extremely sorry. But you know, that's not enough. I'm sure this will happen time and time again as doctors today stack up their patients scheduling 4 at a time during the same time slot.


Ironically, Hillcrest Hospital has sent TWO surveys regarding Mom's stay. You can be sure I WILL be filling the survey out and sending it back. I WILL give them a piece of my mind in order to restore PEACE to MY mind!!

I WILL give them much advice including Don't send a survey to a dead person!!!! It WAS addressed to Mom.


Oh, this is not over....trust me. When it has to do with Mom, the love of my life, she will always get justice in the end.

Bruce Springsteen - Lonesome day (The Rising Album)

Multiple platforms with this terrific song--in no particular order. Come on, it's the Boss. He does not have a bad song and keeps cranking out tremendous hits. So many words including the title depict how I feel these days. The 1st time I heard this song when it came out, I must admit, I did not know which one of my "Rocker Hunks" was singing. If you close your eyes and listen closely--especially to the line "I'm gonna find my way," or "It's gonna be ok," it sounds like my other FAVE --Michael Stanley! Either way, it's a WIN-WIN situation and a FANTASTIC song!

My first wake and funeral since Mom's death

I had to go.

Somehow doing the right thing, doing what I needed to do made it ok.

I've always believed that, even when I was a little girl.

Mom would round us up and say we were going here or there. At first, sighs, looks of disappointment, or just a lack of energy and enthusiasm. But once I arrived 'wherever'--whether it be an old Aunt's home or a church function or the wake of a family member I really did not even know, I realized it WAS the right thing to do and felt satisfied and fulfilled.


The mother of one of my dearest friends just passed away after a long bout with brain cancer.

I've known Monina it seems like forever! I would see Linda every time I went to one of her family functions, birthdays, holiday open houses, or a 'just whatever' gathering.

I never even gave it a second thought whether to go or not, regardless of my continuing grief.

And, as usual, I am thankful I attended not only the wake, but Linda's funeral mass and prayers at the cemetery.


I've said this before and will believe it until I myself die.

I hope I will never say "I know how you feel. I know what you are going through."

Because I don't. And no one knows the nightmare I am living.

Amazingly enough, I learned so much from Mom's funeral. I thought I knew how to console people and the proper protocol through the entire dying, death and grieving process. And, believe it or not, I pretty much do.

However, living through this life changing event has fine-tuned every single aspect of death for me.


When I learned Monina's Mom passed away, MY Mom's training kicked into high gear--find out when the wake and funeral are...send flowers....fix a meal.....make a donation....pick out a fitting Mass card....and last but certainly not least, be there for your friend.


I stopped in at visitation on my way to work and did not put a time limit on it. God blessed me by not only being able to pay my respects to Mr. Jimenez, Monina, and Leslie but to be able to visit with two very dear friends of mine: Tommy and Mark. I keep in touch with Tommy and just love him to death. Whether he knows it or not, he's my rock. He helped bring Mom home from Dialysis on many nights and is there whenever I need him. He also is the first Christmas card I get each year which puts a kink in the whole birthday thing. He says he can not send me a Christmas card before my birthday card so winds up sending my birthday card a month early--which ALWAYS brings a huge smile to my face reminding me that someone out there really loves me and remembers me!

I had not seen Mark in ages even though we have a special "Christmas Card Exchange" each Christmas. That's all I will say to keep the tradition special.

I really do not know how Mo feels, but just going through this myself, I was not afraid to let her cry on my shoulder--because I needed that myself....I grabbed her hand and told her she will get through this because I believe she will. I now have first hand knowledge of what helped me get through and maybe, just maybe, those gestures will help others. We ARE going through similar events, which I am sure will only solidify our friendship.

Monina told me 'I can't believe I am saying this but thank God for Brittany Spears and Miley Cyrus. They are the only two artists I can listen to without bursting into tears.'

On this instance, I can say --I know what you are talking about! The ride from the funeral home to our church on the day of Mom's funeral, I listened to our favorite channel, Siriusly Sinatra, for the first half of the trip and was reminded of something special between Mom and I plucked from every single song. Then I switched to my favorite channel, the Springsteen station. Mom played one of my favorite songs, "Jungleland." It was kind of eerie actually that not only one of my faves popped up in a play list of thousands, but it was timed out perfectly. The minute I pulled up in front of church behind the hearse, Bruce sang the famous ending to "Jungleland." Now, every time I hear that song, I burst into tears.


I finally realize why it is so important to sign the guest book, legibly, with complete details. After writing nearly 250 thank you notes, it really helped having the information together in one place.


There were so many other things I have learned over the last 47+ days, hopefully things that will help me grow and cope as well as console and teach others as we all try to survive in this thing we call 'life.'


Linda's mass sent me back to Mom's Mass, where it was quite fuzzy though lovely. I planned the whole thing and I believe it was perfect. However, I also sang Mom's entire funeral and because of that, I could not lay the pall on Mom's casket (my sister and aunt did that) and I was so focused on the music, it was all I could do to not start shaking or break down. I'm sure if I had not been singing my recollection of Mom's Mass would be a bit different from actually being in the congregation.


Since Mom was cremated, we never went to a cemetery, which seems kind of weird now as I waited in line to head to Holy Cross.


As I was following the caravan of what had to be over 30 cars making their way to the cemetery, I realized it's not always good being first--I learned this on the day of Mom's funeral as I was the lead car after the hearse traveling from the funeral home to the church. And unfortunately, my dear dear friend is learning this same lesson today.

I love you Monina.

Merry Christmas from Heaven

The day always seems better when it begins with Mass and worshipping our Lord.

This morning's Mass, on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, was being said for Mom.

Auntie and Uncle Bill joined me, which was a nice treat.

Father Gary's Masses are always special and there were more people than usual being a Holy Day.

After Mass, my Aunt gave me a gift which had come from one of our cousins.

I never imagined it would be so nice. It brought a tear to my eye. After I got it home and actually read the inscription in its entirety, the flood gates opened--but that is a daily occurrence.

It's a beautiful silver ornament which reads 'Merry Christmas from Heaven' and our cousin Evelyn had Mom's name and birthday and death anniversary inscribed on the backside.

If that was not enough, it was accompanied with a prayer written by John Wm. Mooney, Jr. from 1989:

'I still hear the songs, I still see the lights

I still feel your love on cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes and all of your cares

I'll even remind you to please say your prayers

I just want to tell you, you still make me proud

You stand head and shoulders above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment, to stay in His Grace

I came here before you to help set your place

You don't have to be perfect all of the time

He forgives you the slip, if you continue the climb

To my family and friends, please be thankful today

I'm still close beside you, in a new special way

I love you all dearly, now don't shed a tear

'Cause I'm spending my Christmas with Jesus this year.'

She continues to be the smartest woman in the world

I can't tell you how many times over the last 43 days the light bulb has illuminated over my head.

I've looked up to the heavens time and time again, at least once a day if not more and said, "Mom, I finally get it. I understand why you did that. Why you did this 'that way.' You were right and I've been wrong all these years."

Even in death, Mom continues teaching me. Her lessons are more poignant and telling.

I can't believe all that Mom taught us while she was alive. She WAS the smartest woman in the world even though she never got the chance to go to college. She was plucked into the real world in her teens to take care of her family after HER own Mother died at a young age.

She was smart enough to be the best at every career path she chose. She was the 'go to girl.' If you needed something done, you went to Marianne. Even my favorite little dog would go to Mom when she needed ANYTHING. And sure enough, she got it! Mom was Father Zepp's and Father Gary's right arm and helped them run the church. I could go on.....

Every day I'm in awe.

It's a gift from God to get up each morning and an exciting one at that as I look forward to what lesson Mom will teach me today.

Quite awkward

I have a feeling there are many more awkward days ahead.

Wrapping presents Mom bought....and the recipients opening them.

People still asking me 'How's Mom? Where's my girlfriend?'

Making out the Christmas Flower list for church donating Poinsettias 'In Memory of Mom.'

Worse yet, scheduling my 2010 Masses and adding Mom's name to the list under 'Death Anniversary.'

Soon to be sending out our annual holiday Christmas letter to people who are going to get a great shock if they did not know Mom passed away.

Just like family

Time for an oil change.

And the reason I know that is because a little message beeps on, "oil change required." Technology, it's wonderful! What will they think of next?

My dealership is a ways away and I've had people tell me, 'just go to Lube Stop or somewhere closer.'

Well, I'm glad my advice givers did not sway me. I can not tell you how many times I've kicked myself for listening to someone else and not following my own advice.

My dealership is terrific. They are just like family. When I bought my car it was an enjoyable experience rather than a nerve wracking time. Let's face it, the 'reason I needed a new car' was stressful enough and life-changing. I did not need some rude, intense sales person pressuring me.

So right off the bat I loved them! And so did Mom. And, surprise surprise, they ALL loved Mom!

Every time I get my car serviced, I bring the service department a little basket of treats as well as my car salesman. Kenny is a gem. One of the nicest people I've ever met.

What really moved me was when Mom passed away.

I opened a card and Klaben had made a donation in the name of Mom.

I was stunned yet at the same time, not surprised. That's the caliber of the Klaben folks.


So I made the Trek to Kent. It was a wonderful experience.

During my wait, I had quiet time for reflection and my daily prayers.

They fixed me up good as new. I had a great talk with the girl who handled my trip AND I popped in to see Kenny.

We spoke for almost an hour. He just LOVED Mom. It was great being able to relax, unwind, and reminisce about Mom with a friend--without people firing all kinds of questions about my future at me or giving me bad news.


Not only was it an enjoyable trip, but productive. I made 4 other stops along the way.


I love these kind of days! Thanks, Jesus!

I can't remember when...

For the first time in YEARS--yes I said YEARS--it was a totally free day.

A normal Friday would have consisted of music rehearsal, appointments, dialysis, work, errands galore, schlepping people around, and so much more...

Music rehearsal was cancelled at the last minute. Hmm, let's turn over and go back to sleep until the eyes open on their own...

Thank God for Hallmark, Lifetime, and the Family Channel--and Thanksgiving leftovers!

Mom's Thanksgiving Rainbow

A picture's worth a thousand words.

Can't believe this year

It's that time of year when I start crafting the family holiday Christmas letter.

I am still planning on doing one this year. So many friends, near and far, enjoy getting the family update. I hope my family will join in as well. There are some friends from afar who probably do not even know about Mom yet.

What can I say?

There have been two life-altering events for me this year.

The first one happened back in March when my car was totalled and destroyed. That was not the only thing scarred in the incident. Thankfully, I was not in the car or anywhere near it at the time of the crash. I was diligently working. The only person who really helped me get through this traumatic experience --Mom. She not only helped me get through the emotional stress but was the ONLY person that helped me financially. Heck, I had a wonderful car with no car payments that I had planned on keeping for at least 5-10 more years. I take impeccable care of my things. That hope and dream quickly flew out of the window back on March 25, 2009.

And then fast forward to October 26, 2009. That is the day my best friend left this world.

Trust me, I know that there are many grieving the death of my Mom. She was a terrific human being. She touched so many people's lives over the last 80 years, it just blows my mind.

Every person she touched, even if for a moment, she made a difference in their lives and brought a smile to their face.

It's been just over 3 weeks since Mom passed away.

I thank God for taking her the way he did. I had always imagined coming home and finding her in some awful scenario. But, as Mom always said, God is good.

God allowed us to be with her...she was aware and actually talking to us almost up until the end. She took her normal afternoon nap with I on one side holding her hand and my sister on her other side holding her hand and she just never woke up. What a wonderful way to meet your Maker.

And, being very spiritual, I know exactly where Mom is...and that is where she wants to be and what she strived toward her entire life. I am ok with the fact that Mom has passed and is with Jesus in Heaven. That's the goal we all have as Christians, as Roman Catholics.

But, I must say. Though there are hundreds grieving, I believe I am grieving the most. It's not a contest, but I was Mom's caregiver, her constant companion, and best friend. Every time we left each other or ended a phone call we'd tell each other "I love you." Actually, we'd go back and forth saying, "I love you more!."

God made the right call by giving me the privilege of being Mom's caregiver. It was an honor and a labor of love that gave me such joy.

So many have showed their respects, have prayed for my family, and have offered such nice thoughts. Many have also given advice. And though the advice is much appreciated, I believe each person is different.

Many have said, "Danielle, in time you will get over this." Well, honestly, I don't think that's totally true in this case. Mom and I did everything together. Besides my time at work, we were constant companions. Every minute of my life is now changed.

I was fortunate to attend the Fabulous Food Show this weekend. I had great seats for Michael Symon and Bobby Flay. Though Mom may have been there in spirit, she was not physically there. She would have enjoyed it so. She just loved Michael Symon and his laugh. Bobby Flay was growing on her, and after hearing how much he loves Cleveland, she would have adored him!

I thank God that he gave me the strength and peace of mind to be in charge throughout--over the last 5 years, while Mom was in the hospital, clear-headed to make the decisions during her final days, to organize and pull together her funeral week where everything was absolutely PERFECT, and a fitting send-off for a Saint.

I know that God and Mom are still with me every second of every day. It will not go away with time, as many have said, and I don't WANT the memories or thoughts of Mom to ever go away.

I am tough and have my Mom's spirit, determination, 'never give up' mentality, and pretty much EVERYTHING which is a great sign for me. If I can be half the person Mom was, I will be a true success!!!

Never thought I'd be here

I have not been around for a while and you probably won't see me for a little while longer.

I do have eons to tell.

So much has happened over the last 3 weeks. A mix of wonderful, good, and so much more bad. Well, bad in my eyes as a finite human being. Actually, what has happened is joyous and liberating for Mom.

'Stuff' has happened that I never dreamed would materialize so soon.

Tonight, for instance, as I was shopping for something to wear to Mom's wake and funeral, I began thinking. Why do people buy black for funerals?

Now, I wear a lot of black anyway. Not sure why? I'm not a down person or morbid or sad. On the contrary, full of life and busting at the seams with energy!

However, black suits me.

Yet, I'm also a leopard, zebra, purple, blue, red and green girl.

So WHY am I looking for black? And why a black suit?

I NEVER wear suits anymore. I rarely wear dresses or skirts. Maybe when I become my svelte self again, I'll wear more of a variety.

I just can't see wearing something I normally would not wear to such an event. Straying from who I am to fit a mold or satisfy an image.

So, I'm opting to be myself.

Auntie did not want us to wear open toe shoes or flip flops so I will honor her wishes there.

Being me and the over-achiever I am, I'm sure I will go through a hundred outfits and try on each one before I choose the ideal one for Mom's wake and funeral.

However, I see myself wearing my new black pants, new black shoes and a top that is me and is who Mom knows me as.

And the same for the funeral. Actually, I have a wonderful pastel skirt that Mom just loves --purple, pink, white and black. Every time I wear it, no matter where I am, I get compliments --from men and women both.

Let's face it. This is Mom's day. Her last hurrah. I'd love to honor her by wearing her favorite skirt, my new black boots and a nice top. Something that Mom would say --'That's my girl!'

Will I ever see my best friend this week?

WOW!

My best friend is traveling into town from Tampa, Florida.

In my crystal ball, I see that I won't see him at all.

I keep telling him how I've changed and all of these responsibilities I have.

Well, it looks like he is getting a dose of my daily reality.

Our plans were askew from the get go.

I usually pick him up. That got re-arranged this year because of my ill relative's situation.

Will I ever see him this week?

Honestly, I have grown and changed, and realistically, there is something much more important to me now...

One tough lady

The last week has been challenging dealing with a relative's illness.

She is one tough lady. She deserves better.

I, too, have learned that I'm tough enough to deal with it and handle it even to the point of pushing down my blood pressure.

But, honestly, it sucks.

Am I ever gonna have someone to take care of me?

Someone I can really rely on?

Why does the baby have to be the strongest?

Make all the tough choices? The hard decisions?

Indians' season winds down

After Tuesday night's rain out, the Indians played yet another old-fashioned Twi-Night double header last night.

The last 2 home games of the season.

We were there. Could not pass it up no matter how awful the weather or tired our psyches.

And come on, Momma-cita will be having a milestone birthday in a few weeks. Had to get her name plastered all over the huge scoreboard wishing her a very happy birthday!

A time to say goodbye to our Progressive Field family and wish them an eventful winter and new year.

One last fling at the Terrace Club saying ciao to our attentive staffers who took very good care of us.

And seeing our boys take the field for the last time.

Well, they pulled out a split.

Always a bitter-sweet time for me, especially when we don't go to Postseason play.

Progressive Field is my home away from home.

If I could, I'd be there every single game of the season.

I am a baseball junkie, a Cleveland Indian baseball junkie.

I really enjoy watching the game and taking in the sights and sounds surrounding a MLB game.

I still stick to my convictions that the Cleveland Indians year after year have had a qualified team to take us to the post season. The coaching and management staff have let me down.

They have not prepped the players properly to get us to the big show.

Our young players certainly play with heart. They have some learning to do but they give it their all. That's a lot to be said seeing many veterans who think they have something owed to them just give the bare minimum.

I am going to go out on a limb hoping the off-season brings a new coaching staff to my liking....and say that the 2010 Cleveland Indians WILL make it to the Post Season. I know them. They've got heart!

And the ward went crazy!

Tell tale signs that even though Mom is ailing and definitely not at her best, she's better than she was 4 years ago.

Priceless moment today.

We were prepping for her dialysis session when a fellow patient said to Mom, "did you hear what happened to your team today?"

She shook her head no.

At first, he did not want to be the one to break the news to her but then acquiesced.

He said, "Eric Wedge has been fire along with his whole staff."

A huge shriek and Hallelujah echoed throughout the entire dialysis center sending the ward we were in into a frenzy of laughter.

It's rare to be happy or experience upside moments during the awful dialysis procedure.

But even through her rough weak and feeling like crap, Mom did it again.

She managed to put smiles on dozens of peoples' faces by just being herself!

Will she see it come to fruition?

For those of you who know me, I am a jokester, always with the smile on my face, happy go lucky because I know what a wonderful life I have and what tremendous experiences I've lived through in the past.

I look at all I've done, all I've seen, everywhere I've traveled, who I've met and can not believe I am looking in the mirror at MY LIFE!

However, every once in a blue moon, I become sullen thinking of things I can not control.

The last few days have been wonderful, in my estimation, depicting the future of Cleveland --the city I love so much.

We just got the Gay Games in 5 years.....the Flats may be coming back to life --oh we had some terrific times down at the Beach Club, Have a Nice Day Cafe, Jimmy's and so many more!

Then we have the entire gambling /casino issue still being hashed out....a new Convention Center /Medical Mart....the Waterfront plan......the ideas being tossed around for Cleveland's future outlook appear quite bright.

Then why am I so blue?

Well, none of us really know how much time we have on this earth. Only God above knows.

But as we get older and see friends and family get even older, announcements like today's Gay Games make me think, 'will my older relatives even be around to see this great day come to life?'

I shudder to think of the changing landscape of our great city and how those I love may miss it, at least down here with me.

I'd love to experience it with them. But, it may be a day late and a dollar short?

And for me at least, that's a thought which hits close to home and really gives me the motivation to enjoy each current day and live each moment to the fullest with those in the here and now.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is:

Doing something or going somewhere you're not particularly fond of.....

Holding the hand of someone who needs you...

Sitting up awake all night on the floor next to a loved one in peril.....

Surprising someone with their favorites....

Sacrificing something you love to please someone else.....

Going the extra mile when your tank is just about empty.....

Doing something before it's even asked of you.....

Taking care of everything so they don't have to ever worry.....

Listening.....

Putting others first before your needs.....

Losing sleep when someone needs you.......

Always having a smile on your face.....

Just being there.....

Free Day, sort of

Off for five days....what a wonderful feeling.

Not totally free. I'm never totally free.

However, it's amazing how taking one or two things out of the equation can add a little extra time for other things that matter and really need attention.

Skipping a baseball game gave me time to get a few household chores done, but that's more than if I would have gone....

And, though I've been told more than I want to admit, "If you want something that bad, you will make it happen," that's not quite true!

Sometimes your fate is decided for you....yesterday I was supposed to attend Hiram's Homecoming and then sing at Mass. Due to extenuating circumstances totally beyond my control, everything went out the window so I could tend to Mom and her issues. A free day, sort of...out of my hands.


When the reins are handed back to me and life is back in my control, sometimes you have to say "no" in order to catch up on life and get your sanity back in check....

Through someone else's eyes

A friend of Mom's went to the Indians' Game with me Saturday night.

Mom was not feeling well, and honestly, I would have rather not gone (I can not believe I said that. Baseball is my life!) My place was at home with Mom.

However, Mom's friend had never been to Progressive Field let alone a baseball game. She was so excited and we had promised.

When I arrived on such a rainy night, Donna said she had arrived when the gates opened so she could take it all in. She was like a kid in a candy store.

She did not know much about baseball but more than I expected.

She said it goes much quicker in person than on tv and is more exciting in person.

It was a pleasure answering her questions and explaining the basics to someone. Just possibly, I was helping mold yet another baseball fan.

She also saw how beloved Mom was as ushers, vendors and others went up and down the aisle asking where Mom was and asking me to please tell her hello!

Just as the mist began spraying a bit more, we made our way up to the Terrace Club to warm up, get out of the rain, and of course, get a delicious dessert!

Yet another new experience which made Donna's eyes bug out of her head!

And the cherry on top was when Jhonny Peralta hit the game winner scoring Valbuena which set off the fireworks, and put a nice ribbon on Donna's trip to Progressive Field!

She explained it as 'the feeling of a playoff or World Series game' as the players high-fived each other and pounded Jhonny on first base!

I rarely experience anything new with anyone anymore....just as much as Donna enjoyed the entire evening, the pleasure was all mine!

Helpless feeling

One of the worst feelings to have is not being able to help a family member or friend in peril.

I experienced that this morning as I unsuccessfully tried helping someone in need.

You read about people's 'super human' tendencies coming out when someone really needs help.

On one hand, that sort of happened. Though I've been experiencing awful pain in my arm and back, I still tried as hard as I could not ever once thinking of the pain...not ever once feeling the pain while I assisted someone who needed me.

But, it was not enough.


Then the next feeling to overtake me was not understanding how someone can not have the strength to do all the normal things I can do.

Those actions that seem so simple to me, that I take for granted on a daily basis are impossible for others including the elderly, the weak, those suffering from medical issues...

Just walking up and down the stairs......getting up off the floor.....picking up a cup of coffee....or putting on shoes.


"Whatsoever you do for the least of my people, that you do unto me."

Quick tour of the Cultural Gardens

I really hate wasting time.

So when we had some free time between medical appointments today, I took Mom on a tour of the Cultural Gardens and University Circle.

Oh, she's been here before but a nice way to see the city on a beautiful day and NOT sitting in an office just waiting!

We whizzed around the Art Museum, Botanical Gardens, Natural History Museum, Crawford Auto Museum, Severance Hall then through the Cultural Gardens of Cleveland glancing at them one by one.....coming back atop the hill to see the flip side of many of them....

Quality time spent well with Mom as we enjoyed the sights and sounds of the city together!

Whirlwind week ahead

This is probably my last post for a few days......seeing we have, believe it or not, 8 various medical appointments in the coming week....as if all of our lives were not hectic and jam-packed enough.

I'm sure at the end of the week, I'll need a stiff drink.

Too bad I don't really drink anymore! Rats!

Steel drum, hot dogs, apple pie, and ......

Ok, so I stray from the normal saying of 'baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet.'

Never a dull day in our lives. Never a free day. Oh, what I would give to have 24 hours of absolutely nothing to do. Unfortunately, it does not usually work out that way.

Today was fun, however.

Special celebration at Mass where we sang a few songs in Swahili....then onto the Annual Parish Picnic!

Today's theme: The Caribbean.

Jam packed. So many people showed up, it was wonderful to see.

As parishioners entered the grounds, they were serenaded by a Steel Drum Player....and the sweet smells of hot dogs & hamburgers grilling, beans and rice, and too much food for any one person to ingest in a sitting.

It was a family affair with many members gathering for lunch....and finally giving my niece her long overdue birthday gifts!

Then off to the Notre Dame Cathedral Latin Chicken Dinner!

So soon after lunch?

Well, we'll get takeout and savor the fresh barbecue in the confines of our own home!

An absolutely beautiful, sweltering summer day --one of the waning days of summer.

A relaxing drive....a spin around the grounds to see if there are any crafts to buy.....pick our fresh apples, maple sugar candies, apple pie and then our fresh barbecued ribs and chicken dinners!

Home just in time to watch the Indians and the Browns......and then eventually delve into another amazing meal which we did not have to cook!

Ah, the life!

Their special day

I understand one's wedding day is probably one of the most important days in one's life, if not THE most important.

I wish I knew from experience.

Time and time again, young lovers schedule their weddings at our church just before our Saturday Mass.

I guess it's the organized, thoughtful person in me saying 'WHY?'

I can not tell you how many times this summer parishioners waited to get inside the church or once inside, waited, and waited and waited until the photographer finished all of his masterpieces.

I understand it's part of the scheduling as well. But it's also the young lovers being so adamant that they want this particular time to start their married life together.

If it were me, I'd be a nervous wreck not enjoying my special day knowing that I was delaying someone else's special time and important day with the Lord.

Beads, beads everywhere

This entry will characterize the month we've had.

I have a cool ceiling fan in my bedroom --baseball theme of course --yet the strings to turn on the fan and the light are not quite long enough. Hence, when the light goes off the fan goes off....not good during those 3 sweltering days of Cleveland Summer we actually had this year!

As I grabbed up on my tippy toes to turn the fan down one notch, the string sheared off sending beads flying and rolling everywhere!

The 'old' Danielle of many many many years ago would have gotten upset. The new and improved Danielle made sure none rolled out into the hallway so no one else would slip and fall on them, began laughing thinking of how this one simple action currently characterizes how my house of cards or string of beads is tumbling to the ground, turned off the light (and the fan) and went to sleep.

I wish I had a quarter....

I wish I had a quarter for every time a doctor, a physical therapist, a nurse told my Mom something that I had told her tenfold!

I just smile, get that gleam in my eye and she says, 'my daughter tells me that all the time.'

Then do it!

I know of what I speak!

And hearing these professionals, I DO know of what I speak!

Now a) let's try to translate it into Mom language and

2) let me try, for once, to take my FABULOUS advice!


If the world listened to my verbiage, the world would be a better place!

Baby monitors speak my language

I don't know what I'd do without a baby monitor.

Such a small electrical item that allows you to finish the task at hand knowing that if you are needed elsewhere, you'll still hear it and jump into action.

I never leave the room without it.

No pain, no gain

Oh there's pain everyday....physical, emotional, stressful....

But definitely no gain.

Had a tremendous work out this morning.

3+ miles on the treadmill plus some work on the bike....

My question is when I traipse up and down our steps day in and day out dozens of times along with the organized workouts, why oh why has that not done any good?

I'm on the verge of throwing in the towel...

Brett Favre Day at Cleveland Browns' Stadium

An absolutely beautiful day!

You could not ask for anything more.

The Cleveland Browns home opener--against Brett Favre!

It's a win-win situation.

The Browns win or they don't but I've seen a legend, a future hall of famer, the master!

I trek to my front row dawg pound seat!

Sit in the open air, under the sun for 3 hours getting a nice tan.

And snap shots of the one and only Brett Favre all day long.

To me, the game was secondary.

Apparently, it was secondary to the entire Cleveland Browns team as well!

Nap time!

Maybe it's because I get up early to sing at Church on Sundays?

Maybe it's because the week before was quite taxing?

Maybe it's because I'm thinking of the week ahead already getting overwhelmed?

Maybe it's because sub-consciously God said "Sunday is a day of rest."


No matter what we do, where we go, when we get home, I always sneak in a Sunday Nap!

And, boy is it swzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

All in a day's work!

I've gotten better at saying 'no.'

In fact, the word 'no' has, at times, become my best friend.

There is absolutely no way I could do everything required of me on a daily basis without saying 'no' every now and then.

Today is a perfect example.

Here is just a sampling of the main events on my plate today:

Race for the Cure

Hiram College Alumni Volunteer Day

Singing at Saturday Mass

the Local Emmy Awards, of which I was nominated for an Emmy

The Cleveland Indians Baseball Game

I cut out only a few of these items still leaving quite an action packed day.

If I would have done them all, I'd would not be writing this entry right now.

I always find it quite amazing that by eliminating just ONE item off of my agenda, I'm still able to conquer so much.

Remember, just say no now and again, and you'll feel less stress and quite liberated!

Try it, you'll like it!

Patriot Day 2009

Many years since that fateful day.

The United States has survived.

I've survived.

I am extremely proud to be an American living in this great country.

But there are times when, unfortunately, I get the feeling that many do not share my patriotism.

Those days at Progressive Field when 'The National Anthem' or ' God Bless America' comes on the P.A. system and there are still those men who refuse to take off their hats or even stand up.

I hoped that the events back on September 11, 2001 would have pulled the nation together.

It did for just a short while.

There are some factions and people who have drifted further apart. They think of themselves only, march to their own drummer and never think of their fellow man.

It begins in Washington D.C. when politicians and leaders can not compromise to quickly resolve an issue.

Unfortunately, with the passing of Ted Kennedy, it will only get worse in D.C. Senator Kennedy was one of the last true politicians who fought for people's freedoms, worked hard for his constituents, and resolved so many problems swiftly through compromise.

I take today and the actions which occurred in 2001 quite seriously.

I will never forget and hopefully have become a more compassionate, loving, and patriotic person who loves this country and the foundation she was born upon with my whole heart and soul.

Small bird takes his last breath

Such a helpless feeling.

The irony of it all.

Mom and I were at a hospital for a physical therapy session --hospitals, where lives are saved oftentimes....when a small little bird, one of God's creatures, loses his life.

Surreal.

We were just standing by the parking garage elevator when all at once a small little black bird with purple and yellow detail crashes into the window or 'something,' falls to the ground, and takes his last breath.

And there was absolutely nothing we could do.

Jerry's kids

It's that time again.

Labor Day weekend is synonymous for the Jerry Lewis Telethon for MDA.

When I was a little girl, I'd make a fort in the living room with pillows, blankets, my books to do my homework, snacks, and stay up all night watching Jerry Lewis and his telethon for Muscular Dystrophy.

I liked seeing all of my favorite stars, but believe it or not, I understood what the true meaning behind this event revealed.

It's truly amazing what one man can do.

When I am feeling down, hopeless that I am not making a difference in this world, or sorry for myself, I just think of Jerry Lewis.

He is one person who started a cause which has helped millions of people to date.

He was extremely ill himself and has overcome that malady.


I'm not quite sure where I got the energy or what possessed me, but this year I stayed up all night long again watching my favorite entertainers, hearing the stories of hope, and witnessing the good will still left in the world today by CEO after CEO handing over checks in the thousands and millions for Jerry's Kids.

If the heart-warming stories don't get you (and they should), it's the performances like Jerry singing a wonderful song to his daughter or Jack Jones singing a duet with his daughter. You have a cute girl group from Texas belting out a great song, violinist Joshua Bell, or the jump rope team amazing the crowd.

If one of these scenes does not evoke any type of emotion and urge to make this world a better place, well, there's a problem.

Keep your eyes to the skies

Bittersweet times ahead.

Labor Day weekend ushers in the 'unofficial' end to Summer, though we may have weeks if not months left of nice weather!

I love Cleveland.

We always have a blow-out Labor Day weekend with the Indians usually in town, the Air Show, the Taste of Cleveland, live music all weekend long, the Oktoberfest, the Geauga County Fair, and so much more!

Speaking of bittersweet times, you know Mom is not feeling well if she skips the Indians Game.

Today was one of those days. Mom passed on the game and I went with a dear friend of ours.

I really enjoy the Indians' games this weekend because more than not, you will have air show planes buzzing by throughout the entire game!

You better keep your eyes to the skies: for the planes and the foul balls!

Sure enough, the roar of the planes kept the Indians and Twins on edge for half of the game but gave the crowd something to cheer.

What a treat!

I am determined NOT to let this weekend be the end of my summer. We've still got a lot of Indian summer living to do!!!!

Long and wonderful legacy

I attended the wake of a man I never knew today.

Yet, just by walking into the funeral home, I could tell he lead a meaningful, giving life with a long and wonderful legacy.

I know one of his children and 2 of his grandchildren.

By the end of the wake, I had met all 9 of his children and their spouses and children and other family members.

He has left lasting memories for so many years to come through his family, friends, and every single person he has touched through his 75 years of life on this earth.

Being Catholic, I've grown up with a rich, spiritual upbringing and have attended wakes and funerals my entire life.

I am ok with death, for the most part, knowing that even though we may selfishly miss our loved ones, they are in a much better place just waiting for us to eventually join them in due time.

Standing in the 'greeting line' today, it finally dawned on me why my friends with so many siblings look at me quizzically when I tell them all I have to do for my parent. My friends with large families never had to do it all.

When my friend Lydia's sister was dying of cancer, all of her siblings, many many nieces and nephews, cousins, elderly parents and so many more took turns being with her sister so she was never alone, took care of her sister's family, and were a huge support group to help each other cope with their situation.

Even though they were in the midst of a horrendous situation, I thanked God that they had such a large, loving family and extended family.

Each step I took in line, every floral arrangement I passed, and each picture memory montage I glanced through made me realize how really alone I am in this labor of love God has bestowed on me.

I started feeling so overwhelmed for when my parent passes away.

But then something my grandfather said quickly put a little smile on my face, "if you did not visit me or bring flowers to me when I was alive, don't bring them to me when I'm dead!" I never knew my grandfather but have heard my uncles say that phrase time and time again.

I know God and every family member who went before me will give me the strength to endure whatever happens in this life. I will handle it. What I don't think I can tolerate or handle: people who never paid any attention to us during life all of a sudden crying their eyes out.

My sister is lucky. She has children who will console her, and one day, if she ever gets ill, will take care of her.

God has not given me the gift of children or a husband, and honestly, at this stage in my life, probably never will.

But, I firmly believe God will provide, will never abandon me, and will be by my side always!

4:45 a.m. comes way too early

Why bother going to bed?

We have a medical procedure today and even though the doctor probably won't arrive at the crack of dawn, we are expected to check in before the Plain Dealer even gets delivered.

My only saving grace is that we are in our own room with television and quiet time to try and nap...

And, at the hospital where we are, at 8:00 a.m. sharp they say morning prayers.

Gives quite a bit of solace to the last few weeks we've had, which have been filled with stress and physical pain for all involved.

But as Matthew says in 6:27, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

Words to live by. . .

Just trying to get comfortable

It's a vicious circle.

I'm trying to find a doctor.

I'm trying to find a pain-less position.

Tried laying on the hard floor --kinda helps.

Tried laying on my springs since my mattress was awful and is going in the garbage this week.

Tried laying on the soft love seat I normally sleep on.

Tried sitting in my favorite chair.

Tried everything to no avail.

In today's 'green' times, my health insurance no longer sends out medical books with all of the doctors in our system, we must log on and find one.

I am in writhing pain every time I log on the computer and type.

But I must be on this computer to try and find a doctor.

Whatever happened to the good ole days when you killed a few trees but had a handy dandy packet of useful information at your fingertips and you could actually dial a phone number and talk to a real person?

It's still baseball season to me

Drama.

Major drama all week long with our health ailments. We're all walking wounded!

And for me, I'm in baseball season mode until the final game of the World Series.

But, it's been the longest time since I've been able to use my Cleveland Browns ticket so here goes.

I made my way to the Browns' Game, though in writhing pain.

It was fun walking down with a co-worker and her sister, brother-in-law, and nephew. He was so excited but did not want to show it! Being the tough guy!

Thank God the weather was bearable.

And better still, I thank you God that they WON!

It was a good time. Seeing folks I've not seen in a while....perfect seats! And seeing a win, which is something I have not seen in months, maybe even years (in person!!).

I'm always amazed as I exit the stadium to make the trek back up the hill to my parking spot how so many people have to light up a cigarette the second they vacate the building. It's like walking into a smoking lounge. I've learned to hold my breath until I get back into the wide, open air. Holy smokes!

I must admit, my heart belongs to the Indians thru the end of October, but I'll have one eye on these guys wearing the Brown pants!

Happy Birthday, Sara!

I'm sensing the end of another tradition.

We used to go out for a special dinner for every one's birthday.

Honestly, with every one's busy schedules, that seemed to be the only time we all could gather each month, and it was nice.

Now, people feel that text messaging, tweeting, or leaving a greeting on Facebook is appropriate. Oh, how times are a changin'!

Well, today is my oldest niece's birthday and nothing has been planned.

She said she is helping someone move and had other plans all weekend long.

It's too bad. Mom really misses seeing all the kids. I hate to see the sadness and tears in her eyes each night as another day passes....

Hopefully one day soon Sara's schedule will clear out because Mom and I can not let a birthday go by without remembering and we have a special 'birthday bag' just waiting to be busted open!

Love, Us xoxo

If I did the right thing, why do I feel so bad?

I was always taught to do the right thing.

By golly, I try.

I know we are all human, but at the end of the day, I usually feel pretty good at the effort I've given and God's rules I've followed.

So, this week, I've done the right thing three times...but why do I feel so bad?

We all know I'm a softy.

People from all walks of life walk all over me constantly.

I have people telling me to stand up for what I believe in and in the next breath bad mouthing me behind my back because I DID stand up for my convictions.

Oh, this is absolutely nothing compared to what our Lord Jesus Christ endured.

But, I believe I've had a slight taste of it.

I had to say no to three people who mean very much to me.

The first one--it hurt me more than the person involved, and unfortunately, I think there will be reverberations for a while. What does it matter --I did the right thing and followed God's lead.

The second one--turned out ok eventually. I was being diplomatic following the rules and got screwed. I should have just followed my heart on this one and everyone would have been very happy.

The last one, the person could not believe that I actually said no to them. It felt good sticking up for what I believe in and doing the right thing. And honestly, it turned out great for all involved in the end.


That's what Mom always taught me --if you do the right thing honey, everything will turn out ok in the end.


And Mom's always right!

Socked with a Grady Sizemore foul ball

And to top it off, forgot to mention that Mom was hit by a Grady Sizemore foul ball this past weekend. And did not get the ball!

Can you believe that. First, that the schmuck who nabbed the ball did not have pity on this older lady. And then that some pompous, holier-than-thou Cleveland Indian Management flack tried to make sure she was not hurt badly so she would not sue or anything..and did not have the decency to run down and grab a foul ball for this huge baseball fan who never misses a game and who now has a huge black and blue mark on her elbow!

The walking wounded continue their quest.

It's a wonder I can type with my carpal tunnel, heart disease, pinched nerve damage -itis.

MASH unit

I'm not a doctor but I do play one in real life!

I missed my calling. But it is much easier to diagnose someone when you are with them 24/7.

So, best I can deduce is that the new medicine prescribed last week has, for lack of better words, 'poisoned' Mommacita.

Not gonna stand for this. We stopped taking it a few days ago to get it out of her system and am pumping her with fluids and sustenance.

This morning was awful.

This afternoon is better.

I 'prescribed' an antibiotic. Once we finally reached the doctor, so did he!

We're not out of the woods yet, but hopefully, on the road to recovery.


Now, unfortunately, I have to deal with all of this as my right arm, right shoulder and upper back are in constant writhing pain. You name, people are saying I've got it: nerve damage, carpal tunnel, heart attack, heart disease, pinched nerve, pulled muscles, herniated discs, the list is endless.

I just want the pain to end. I don't care what the heck it is.

Seeing old friends

(Mom, Me, Lydia)


I must admit, I have not gotten half the things I wanted to get done on this vacation.

It's tremendous not having to head into work.

Don't get me wrong--that's fabulous.

We still have doctors' appointments and such, but it's nice not having to rush around quite as much.

I've been able to enjoy meals with Mom, which has been a treat.

When I picked up my Browns' tickets, I visited with a friend I had not seen in quite a while. That was a special afternoon.

We've enjoyed most of the Indians' games. Mom was tired a few nights, especially after starting on some new medication, so we had to pass on some of the Indians' games, a family birthday party and a few other events....

Unfortunately, it's still been quite crazed.

I have not had a chance to call back a dear friend of mine from FLA all week long. I think he thinks I'm avoiding him. That's just the way of our world now. We don't have the luxury to sit around and do nothing. There is always something that must be done, must be tended to, an appointment of some kind to hit.


Mom and I were able to visit with a dear, dear friend of ours who we have not seen in at least 8 months. What a treat! She's a former co-worker but more like a sister to me. And she just adores Mom. She would do anything for her, and has!


Life is very hard. And being finite humans, all we can do is try to be the best people we can day in and day out. Each day, we get up, thank God for another day and try to make the best decisions we can for that day with what information and ingredients are tossed our way.


The 'old Danielle' would have been upset at not crossing off more from the 'to-do' list. But the new Danielle is quite content at what was accomplished and how life was lived this week.


Thank you Jesus!

Thrown for a loop

I really was anticipating bad news today with Mom's doctor appointment.

She felt great but this particular doctor more cautious than the rest.

Thank goodness I am on vacation because what began as a follow up appointment for a new script turned into a 2 hour marathon appointment with breathing tests and lots of 'fun' stuff.

Amazing.

The Doctor is 'amazed' with Mom's progress.

We've been working hard and she has been feeling good....but never assume anything.


So off we went to celebrate at the Olive Garden. It's great not to have deadlines and obligations and just flit around doing what you want when you want.


We had a fabulous lunch, then time for a nap just before we hit the Indians' Game.


AAAHHHH, the life! I could get used to this. And I hope there are many, many more of these days...

"Feast" ing with Mom

I honestly did not realize this factoid, but Mom says she has not been to the Feast of the Assumption in Little Italy in years!

And she is correct.

For a few years when she was recuperating from surgeries and pneumonia, she did not attend.

And then for a few years, she felt much better but was not sure she could negotiate around the masses scurrying around Murray Hill.

We decided she could not miss one more year of one of our favorite events, pastimes, traditions.

In years gone by, the whole family would head down there, walk around, usually see folks we knew, maybe even play one of those silly carnival games trying to win a fish or an over sized stuffed animal, and most importantly, feast on tremendous home-made Italian food.

Well, it's too bad, those days are gone. Gone for some, but not for me. I'm too much of a romantic, a traditionalist, and thoroughly enjoy the simple things, especially when experienced with loved ones, dear friends, and family.

I am determined never to let this tradition go up in flames as so many others have.

Mom and I carefully maneuvered around Little Italy with her transportation aid taking in the savory scents, the beautiful sights, and familiar sounds.

We always light some candles, every little bit is worth a try!

I showed Mom the new restaurants, Corbo's new digs, Spuzzillo's, and introduced her to one of my business contacts, Tom, who works the Feast each year.

As in years passed, we arrived armed with bags and containers for dinner....from cavatelli, meatballs, sausage, fried mozzarella, eggplant, cannoli, elephant ears, funnel cakes, lemon ice, the works!

What a memorable afternoon and dinner with Mom. Absolutely PRICELESS!