Opening Day Weekend 2011

I adore the game of baseball.

I get that cherished gift & interest from my Mom. She bestowed that gem on our entire family. She received the gift from her father, my Grampa, who my Aunt says took them to see the Indians when they were all just small kids. In fact, Auntie has some of the fondest memories of her dad taking her to a ballgame, and getting -- a hot dog. Having a ballpark hotdog with authentic baseball mustard watching a game with her Dad = priceless.

To the normal fan it's a game, maybe a day off of work, a time to share a few beers with friends. To me, it's so much more.

On Opening Day, the memories come gushing back spanning my entire life --baseball memories I've collected over the years with Mom, my sister, Aunt, and the kids which will be with me forever. We have thousands and thousands.

I truly enjoy the game of baseball. Oh yes, there is nothing like winning baseball from your favorite team but I'll support them rain or shine, win or lose. I was part of the smallest crowds the Indians had Opening Day weekend 2011. It didn't matter because the weather was beautiful, baseball is back for the next 7 months, and I saw progress and hope in the current players taking the field. The Indians have always had scrappers. Guys who come to play with their A-game. They give their all, no matter the outcome.

The normal 'joe' fan looks at the daily paper and sees the final score. That's no way to watch or follow baseball. Watching every intricate play tells the story. Even in a loss, you can see how hard the guys played, glean the many bright spots, and still gain pleasure from our National Pasttime.

Opening Day Weekend 2011 brought old memories back to life and formed new ones.

The entire weekend began with a memorial service for the best pitcher in baseball, Bob Feller, who recently passed away. What a tribute. It was a beautiful memorial service recalling many memories. Though many of today's pitchers are quite talented, I believe we coddle them too much. There is absolutely no comparison to the pitchers of Bob Feller's time and today. Those pitchers way back when played for love of the game. They made no money. They had to get real jobs in the off-season, which kept them strong and tone. They could pitch a complete game and the next day be called upon again to pitch another one. None of this "You can only pitch 102 pitches and then I am taking you out no matter how well you are still pitching!"

Bob Feller also sacrificed his career in baseball for the greater good of his country, which he loved so much....and while serving his country, put his life in harms way every day he was in the military. He is proof positive that if you do the right thing and stick to your beliefs and passions, it all works out.

Then Opening Day weekend 2011 against one of our hardest opponents, the Chicago White Sox. On the bright side, our old friend Omar Vizquel buzzed back into town. I would love to see Omar come back to play or better still to coach one day. He always claims he has a special place in his heart for Cleveland and Clevelanders.

Besides the outcome, everything else was near perfection. Pre-game festivities honoring Bob Feller chilling. 3 huge banners were hung on the center field wall. Every single player wore the #19 jersey for pre-game and introductions. Then Mrs. Feller placing a baseball on the pitcher's mound for the silent 1st pitch. And then the balloon launch as we screamed 'play ball!'

I adore the videos the Indians' play on the scoreboard --they always move me. 2011 will not disappoint. So far, the videos have been tremendous...and yes, the tears came streaming down.

I was at the game with 2 friends who get it. They love the game of baseball as much as I do. 1 of them I consider to be one of my dearest friends in the whole wide world....the other person is a friend I've reconnected with on fb after oh, maybe 15 or so years. I could not have asked to be at opening day with 2 better people who realize the pureness of this game.

Of course, Mom was with us in spirit....and will always be at every single game with me. I firmly believe that she is the Indians' biggest guardian angel. They may not have gone far last year, but things are looking up.

Good friends all know my passion for the sport and how important this game is to me. I received text messages and facebook messages all day and night long wishing me 'happy opening day,' 'I know this is like a holiday to you, have fun,' and other gleeful salutations!

Another dear friend moved away in the beginning of the year. I must admit, I was a bit bitter for a smidge of time. And I do so miss him soooo but I will not let this season go by without keeping in close proximity with him to talk, message, text baseball week in, week out!

Even though the Indians lost the official opening day game, I did not feel bad. I had just seen a major league baseball game outside in the open air under beautiful weather with 2 good friends. I'd seen an exciting game from both teams. That's how I roll. I don't feel bad anymore. I know how blessed I am to be able to watch this game and enjoy every single pitch.

The Indians wound up losing their 2nd game but pulled out a huge win on Sunday. Both games were quite exciting. At least, I had a blast both days. I saw very good friends at all of the games....enjoyed balmy temps.....and can't believe how lucky I am to be able to watch my favorite team play my favorite sport.

I have a really good feeling about this team. Most people admit there are so many players they have never heard of, don't recognize, don't know where they came from.....I am proud to say I not only know the players, recognize them when I see them, know what position they play and their numbers. When you follow a team and their minor league teams, you follow the entire team. It's like watching a child born and follow their progression through teenage years into adult hood. I absolutely adore everyone from the veterans to the youngsters to the newer players we recently acquired.

I admit, I'm nowhere close to enjoying the game like Mom. She'd amaze me game after game as she totally remembered a player's stats without looking up at the big score board....she'd remember what they did last game....and in the entire series. She knew every pitch every player threw...if he was a ground ball pitcher or flyball pitcher. I adored my Mother in every way for who she was and what she instilled in me...not only with the game of baseball but life in general.

I'm no Marianne, but no one is or ever will be. I am striving to be like her and put the same passion into the game (of baseball & the game we call life) as I hope to get as much enjoyment out of both!

No feeling either way

Thank goodness January is finally over.

I am the first person who says 'don't rush life' and 'savor every single second.'

I mean it, except for January 2011. Oh, it had some great moments, trust me. Actually had lots of wonderful moments! I guess I am being melodramatic. No, not me!

And the old addage, be careful what you wish for could come into play. Only God knows what's in store for the rest of 2011. Maybe it will be 10x worse than January? Or maybe a wonderful fantasy?

Thankfully my sister is feeling much better. That's a win.

I can definitely tell that I am a woman in her 'blankety blank' by the crazy happenings going on...and that's ok too. Keeps me on my toes...

Then there were not so memorable moments....and we all go through them. What keeps me strong is that Mom experienced every challenge tossed my way during this still young year. She survived. In fact she triumphed. The bad news is I don't have Mom in person to help me solve these problems. She was my rock, my savior. I just have to pray more to read the signs God may be sending. God (and Mom) will surely guide me.


The irony of it all. Two situations arose having complete opposite reactions.

The first one reminds me of the line from 'Broadcast News.' William Hurt says something like, "I feel bad that I don't feel worse."

Well, someone from my far away past who withdrew himself a long time ago revealed that he is ill and has cancer.

Honestly, I felt bad that I did not feel worse. Heck, I felt bad that I felt absolutely NOTHING. I felt sorry for him because you never want anyone to be sick. And then a little anger bubbled up that he's only brought grief into my life, and now, the possibility of passing on a deadly disease. Moving on. Went back to feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing.


The other situation evokes more emotion than I ever imagined. I have a friend who helped me immensely after Mom passed away. I thought we'd be forever friends. It seems that friendship has stalled. But I really don't know. It could be a misunderstanding on my part as I often jump to conclusions. I feel helpless and just want to scream at the top of my lungs to get it back. I'd love to be able to reach him and see where we stand. It really means a lot to me.


Only God knows what will happen....being a finite human being, I really hope he brings my friend back to me. But I wonder, maybe God put him into my life for that small stretch to get me through. I'm very selfish. I want it all and want it forever! Again, must keep the faith and see where God takes me.


Thankfully, I had a dental appointment this week. My dental hygienist, who is also a friend, had no idea what she was in for when she asked that common question, "how are you doing?" She's a gem as she doubles as my therapist! Thank you Fran!

As you can see, I'm just glad January is over hoping that February through December brings so many more blessings than demons.

Adopted teams & adopted families help me cope with my exhaustion

Be careful what you wish for....

When I was a small girl watching 2 of Mom & my favorite movies: 'Working Girl' with Melanie Griffith and Harrison Ford...and then 'Baby Boom' with Diane Keaton, I said: "I want to be like those women."

WRONG!

The last 19 months of being like those women intermixed with a number of true tragedies have taken their toll on me. Literally.

I am suffering from exhaustion. It's not funny, I'm not joking. I'm mentally, emotionally, and more importantly, physically exhausted.

I thank a number of people who have helped me battle through this condition. My Aunt (and Jimmy) and I have spent time together and shared many meals. In fact, I feel as if we're a new food critic team! We've hit Grotto, Menu 6, and Clifton Deli and they get thumbs up (after we've licked the plates & fingers clean!). Thank you Auntie for making sure I keep my strength up!

My 'adopted' baseball team (in light of the fact that my real baseball team is on hiatus), the Tampa Bay Rays, have been exciting to watch. It's helped me and my best friend bond even more....there are times when, even though we are 2000 miles apart, we'll watch the games together! And this past weekend, he kept texting me the score of the Tampa-Texas game since I was not by a television. It was just awesome! I even wore my Evan Longoria t-shirt to work Saturday morning. I'm sure that's what put them over the top and gave them a little luck!

And I was fortunate to spend part of the weekend with one of my 'adopted families.' I don't want to say they are new because I've known Sheila my entire life. But I guess getting to know her family is fresh and new.

I went to school with Sheila's sister...and we all re-connected on facebook over the last 8 or so months. What a treat! I met Sheila's daughters back in March and we immediately hit it off. We all have been friends ever since. They have put a little life back into my step and have truly shown me that there are still people around who care.

Sheila is a fabulous cook. Being around caring friends and eating a delicious meal really helped me start re-charging my battery, especially on this summery weekend in the 80's. Just what the doctor truly ordered.

I'm lucky and blessed to have friends like Sheila....Craig.... as well as my family. I will not mask it or hide it. My emotions are shot. The death of my Mother, my Uncle, other tragedies and life-changing occurrences in my life which began back in March of 2009 are finally taking their toll on me.

Unfortunately, I'm disappointed in a few people as well, which does not help my emotional tumble off the cliff. I know we can't change others...but there are a few folks I'd really like to spend more time with...I thought they were there for me and up until a few months ago, it seemed as if they were. Maybe they are going through hard times too? Who knows? Feeling like you've been pushed to the curb or dumped does not help the state I'm in.

I am my Mother's daughter and will not be defeated. But I am human. I push and push and push myself and so many others come to me for assistance to be their rock. Most of the time, I am. Right now, it's like I'm in quicksand. But soon, I'll be back and better than ever!

Congratulations Adam and Stephanie!

Words can not describe the day I've had with my family and old friends.

As I drove home from Adam and Stephanie's wedding the tear flood gates opened. Not due to sadness but happiness.

An all day affair. We attended the ceremony in the afternoon, then my family shared a meal in between the ceremony & reception.

We all always have fun when we are together. My sister and I wanted to take pictures in our fancy new dresses. My niece mocked us for taking pictures in the parking lot of Mulligans!

Then my nieces were texting to make sure they did not buy the same dress. Always a hub of activity and fun stories being told around the table!

Backtrack to the ceremony--When we arrived at the church, we gradually made our way inside waving at and chatting with those we had not seen in a while.

One of the most memorable moments for me personally was seeing my cousin Johnny's family and his children running at warped speed into my arms.

No one has really done that to me since my own nieces and nephew were little tikes themselves.

It felt SOOOO good to be loved and wanted by someone. The last person who made me feel like they truly needed & loved me was Mom.

I think my oldest niece could not believe they did that....it felt wonderful!

Then, the cutest little girl was passing out wedding programs. Turns out she was the daughter of a grade school friend I used to have the biggest crush on (a million years ago and he knows, so I am not letting the cat out of the bag!!).....he married a wonderful woman and they have 2 beautiful daughters. The little one kept eyeing my shoes! Little did she know I too was eyeing her shoes and whole outfit! What a doll!

The service was quite moving. So wonderful seeing relatives young and old, distant and close all in one gathering place.

Then break time where we all rested, changed, and started on round two of the day!

When you go to a wedding you never know what to expect! Fortunately, our night was filled with love, laughter, sharing, great food & drink, visiting with family & friends, and crazy dancing on the dance floor for almost 4 hours!

I don't think any of us wanted to leave but eventually we did shortly before the wedding ended.....

Again, so many highlights from start to finish. We were all seated together just next to the head table. Adam and Stephanie are super wonderful people. Adam is the son of my 1st cousin--Tommy's dad was Mom's brother.

I've always felt closest to this particular family and my cousin Diann and John's family. I'm quite lucky to be associated with all of these people.

Again, I can't verbalize the laughter, jokes, smiles, picture-taking, and visiting with those we may have not seen in a while.

Adam and Stephanie had a photo booth set up for their guests to take pictures as remembrances of the big day. One set went to the bride and groom and the other set to the guests. What a hoot! Such fun and a great idea so they knew who attended. Just seeing Uncle Sam in his Uncle Sam hat was tremendous as 5 of us did our 'Charlie's Angels' poses!

Seeing Adam's gramma jamming out on the dance floor was priceless....as well as being part of this memorable day.

Life is sooooo good.

I'm not just sitting around eating bon bons!

I think of myself as an extremely smart, ambitious, talented, fun-loving individual who has many interests, excels in problem solving, has impeccable organizational skills and so much more --who always pulls everything together so it works out just perfectly!

All great gifts given to me by God above--which I realize, thank Him for on a daily basis, and try to use so when I get to the pearly gates, he does not ask me 'WHY didn't you use the gifts I gave you?'

That said--I am smart enough to know that I am grieving the death of my Mother. And I am even smarter to know I should not fight it or be embarrassed about it--and others should be respectful of me and my grieving process!


I know Mom died. Trust me. I know this happens to everyone and we all must press onward! I've pressed onward many times in my life:

• when my Father abandoned us when I was a baby
• when Mom had a heart attack
• when my best friend's Mother died while we were in grade school
• when my Uncle was very ill and living with us
• when I heard an accident on the scanners which later I learned involved my Uncle & wound up taking his life
• when I was struck by a drunk driver who totalled my first car & got nothing
• when my Uncle was murdered though his wife covered it up
• when my dog passed away in my arms
• when my second car was totalled in my work parking garage & no one did anything to help
• when Mom got sick....and ultimately met her maker
• Oh the list is endless

Words stated to me verbally and in print over the last few days show that there are people who still don't get it, get me or ever got Mom.

There are actually people who think I am focusing on what I lost rather than what I have.


Holy Shit. What a crock! Yes, I swore.

1st off, I don't have time to focus on what I lost --I need to focus on the here and now as I am up to my ears in trying to straighten out Mom's business...it's a pain in the ass and something that no one else can do since no one else ever took a vested interest in Mom.


God has given me countless gifts and the best gift that He gave me WAS Mom and the labor of love of taking care of her. I would not exchange this gift for anything. I promised Mom many years ago that she would never live alone or in a nursing home. I would never abandon her. And I meant it. And I guess since I made that proclamation, it allowed everyone else in our lives to move on with their lives so many years ago, move out, and say sayonara over 5 years ago! God love them!

With this gift God gave me came responsibilities not given to anyone else, extra hardships no one else ever experienced, and so many challenges never imagined even after she passed--tedious and time consuming duties which no one else can even fathom.


I took care of Mom. And no one should ever criticize me or my grieving process. I thank God that Mom died before me because no one else really knew how to take care of her:

• her medicines, why she took them and when she had to take them
• her doctors, what each of them did, where they were, keeping her appts straight
• what food she was really supposed to eat and not eat
• how she liked her hot cereal--she'd complain anytime anyone else made it but me
• her lemonade with splenda
• taking her pills with applesauce rather than water
• how she had to be the leader when she walked and walking at HER pace rather than pulling her --like some did
• knowing her favorite nightgown
• which socks fit with certain shoes
• her favorite tv shows
• how she needed her favorite letter opener when opening the mail
• knowing she liked taking 2 clementines and 3 bags of cookies to dialysis
• making sure she had puffs in every pocket of every jacket at all times
• remind her to take her food pills after meals, especially if we were out
• taking her on numerous trips --no way in hell anyone else in our life would have even attempted to do this!
• The list is endless what I did for Mom --99% of the stuff people didn't even know.

So, I am ok with grieving the death of my Mom because she was my life and I was her life. The problem is not me --it's others who STILL are not respecting my thoughts, my feelings, my needs, my wants, and are STILL telling me how to feel and what to do!

The suggestions are flowing like beer at an Irish wake. People are telling me to move, to buy a house, where to move, to start living my own life, to take care of myself, to live it up, to save my money, to spend my money, to buy new clothes, to not buy new clothes, to spend time with my friends, to not spend time with my friends so I can take time for me, to get married, to stay single.....are you really gonna let me live my life or continue bossing me around?

For the record: My Mother died. That was traumatic enough for now. Though it is no one's business, I lost 50% of my monthy income. I know, some of you out there are jobless and homeless so you definitely are not empathizing with me. However, for me, at this time in my life, it may be very hard for me to buy a house let alone even move at this moment. For me personally, I can not take any more big upheavals in my life right now. I will go off the deep end.

For those of you who REALLY care for me--what I REALLY want is:

• to wrap up once and for all Mom's business affairs
• to get my affairs in order should I die so my current nightmare does not one day become someone else's
• to FIRST & FOREMOST work out every single day
• to not have to worry about my living conditions/location at this juncture
• to be able to pay off my credit cards
• to sock away some money since I took such a money hit with Mom's death
• to be able to focus on me since I've neglected myself for over 10 years
• again, to be able to get up in the morning and work out EVERY DAY, work out --what's that?
• to lose all the weight that I need to lose
• to get my head, my heart, my mind, my emotions, and my physical body stabilized before I make anymore moves
• And to have the freedom to grieve my Mom's death if necessary without being ostracized for doing so

Know that I don't sit around eating bon bons all day grieving!

I live and I am on the go and I talk to Mom & thank God every minute of every day for what he has and continues giving me.

I guess those nay-sayers have never really loved someone. Those people telling me to move on and get over it have cold ice in their veins.

I see a bird fly by and remember how Mom marveled at the tiny miracle made by God.

I hear Michael Symon's laugh and recall Mom saying time and time again how she loved his laugh (which I told him to his face by the way!).

I see Dave Duncan in the dug out on tv and remember how Mom wrote a letter to Bob DiBiasio of the Indians asking if he could get some Cleveland Indians' to send her daughter sweet 16 birthday cards --and I got dozens of them, including Dave Duncan!

I sit and watch one of MY favorite shows, the Golden Girls, and at times do get teary eyed because I see the relationship Dorothy has with Sophia and it conjures up so many wonderful memories.

Or I sing a line at Mass which reminds me of Mom so I tear up.

Or my friend Louie tells me "I love you more" which Mom would say to me all the time!

I have moved forward and love life and living life. I have accomplished so much since October 26th. No one else I know could have done what I have done! I am tooting my own horn. I am one in a million and impressive! I know we can not always get what we want! Things can not always be orchestrated to suit our needs. I'm sure in the near future there will be many, many more challenges and bumps in the road and even disasters where I feel I can not go on or I have no where to turn. I have God. I thank God profusely for giving me feelings and memories and allowing me to be a kind and caring person who actually has emotions. And yes, sometimes having emotions and feelings gets the best of me --especially since my Mother died less than 4 months ago.

But I'd rather have emotions and cry and feel sad and happy and a rainbow of feelings every single day of my life than have ice running through my veins!

My first wake and funeral since Mom's death

I had to go.

Somehow doing the right thing, doing what I needed to do made it ok.

I've always believed that, even when I was a little girl.

Mom would round us up and say we were going here or there. At first, sighs, looks of disappointment, or just a lack of energy and enthusiasm. But once I arrived 'wherever'--whether it be an old Aunt's home or a church function or the wake of a family member I really did not even know, I realized it WAS the right thing to do and felt satisfied and fulfilled.


The mother of one of my dearest friends just passed away after a long bout with brain cancer.

I've known Monina it seems like forever! I would see Linda every time I went to one of her family functions, birthdays, holiday open houses, or a 'just whatever' gathering.

I never even gave it a second thought whether to go or not, regardless of my continuing grief.

And, as usual, I am thankful I attended not only the wake, but Linda's funeral mass and prayers at the cemetery.


I've said this before and will believe it until I myself die.

I hope I will never say "I know how you feel. I know what you are going through."

Because I don't. And no one knows the nightmare I am living.

Amazingly enough, I learned so much from Mom's funeral. I thought I knew how to console people and the proper protocol through the entire dying, death and grieving process. And, believe it or not, I pretty much do.

However, living through this life changing event has fine-tuned every single aspect of death for me.


When I learned Monina's Mom passed away, MY Mom's training kicked into high gear--find out when the wake and funeral are...send flowers....fix a meal.....make a donation....pick out a fitting Mass card....and last but certainly not least, be there for your friend.


I stopped in at visitation on my way to work and did not put a time limit on it. God blessed me by not only being able to pay my respects to Mr. Jimenez, Monina, and Leslie but to be able to visit with two very dear friends of mine: Tommy and Mark. I keep in touch with Tommy and just love him to death. Whether he knows it or not, he's my rock. He helped bring Mom home from Dialysis on many nights and is there whenever I need him. He also is the first Christmas card I get each year which puts a kink in the whole birthday thing. He says he can not send me a Christmas card before my birthday card so winds up sending my birthday card a month early--which ALWAYS brings a huge smile to my face reminding me that someone out there really loves me and remembers me!

I had not seen Mark in ages even though we have a special "Christmas Card Exchange" each Christmas. That's all I will say to keep the tradition special.

I really do not know how Mo feels, but just going through this myself, I was not afraid to let her cry on my shoulder--because I needed that myself....I grabbed her hand and told her she will get through this because I believe she will. I now have first hand knowledge of what helped me get through and maybe, just maybe, those gestures will help others. We ARE going through similar events, which I am sure will only solidify our friendship.

Monina told me 'I can't believe I am saying this but thank God for Brittany Spears and Miley Cyrus. They are the only two artists I can listen to without bursting into tears.'

On this instance, I can say --I know what you are talking about! The ride from the funeral home to our church on the day of Mom's funeral, I listened to our favorite channel, Siriusly Sinatra, for the first half of the trip and was reminded of something special between Mom and I plucked from every single song. Then I switched to my favorite channel, the Springsteen station. Mom played one of my favorite songs, "Jungleland." It was kind of eerie actually that not only one of my faves popped up in a play list of thousands, but it was timed out perfectly. The minute I pulled up in front of church behind the hearse, Bruce sang the famous ending to "Jungleland." Now, every time I hear that song, I burst into tears.


I finally realize why it is so important to sign the guest book, legibly, with complete details. After writing nearly 250 thank you notes, it really helped having the information together in one place.


There were so many other things I have learned over the last 47+ days, hopefully things that will help me grow and cope as well as console and teach others as we all try to survive in this thing we call 'life.'


Linda's mass sent me back to Mom's Mass, where it was quite fuzzy though lovely. I planned the whole thing and I believe it was perfect. However, I also sang Mom's entire funeral and because of that, I could not lay the pall on Mom's casket (my sister and aunt did that) and I was so focused on the music, it was all I could do to not start shaking or break down. I'm sure if I had not been singing my recollection of Mom's Mass would be a bit different from actually being in the congregation.


Since Mom was cremated, we never went to a cemetery, which seems kind of weird now as I waited in line to head to Holy Cross.


As I was following the caravan of what had to be over 30 cars making their way to the cemetery, I realized it's not always good being first--I learned this on the day of Mom's funeral as I was the lead car after the hearse traveling from the funeral home to the church. And unfortunately, my dear dear friend is learning this same lesson today.

I love you Monina.

Jerry's kids

It's that time again.

Labor Day weekend is synonymous for the Jerry Lewis Telethon for MDA.

When I was a little girl, I'd make a fort in the living room with pillows, blankets, my books to do my homework, snacks, and stay up all night watching Jerry Lewis and his telethon for Muscular Dystrophy.

I liked seeing all of my favorite stars, but believe it or not, I understood what the true meaning behind this event revealed.

It's truly amazing what one man can do.

When I am feeling down, hopeless that I am not making a difference in this world, or sorry for myself, I just think of Jerry Lewis.

He is one person who started a cause which has helped millions of people to date.

He was extremely ill himself and has overcome that malady.


I'm not quite sure where I got the energy or what possessed me, but this year I stayed up all night long again watching my favorite entertainers, hearing the stories of hope, and witnessing the good will still left in the world today by CEO after CEO handing over checks in the thousands and millions for Jerry's Kids.

If the heart-warming stories don't get you (and they should), it's the performances like Jerry singing a wonderful song to his daughter or Jack Jones singing a duet with his daughter. You have a cute girl group from Texas belting out a great song, violinist Joshua Bell, or the jump rope team amazing the crowd.

If one of these scenes does not evoke any type of emotion and urge to make this world a better place, well, there's a problem.

Emotional rollercoaster

Every body's unique personality makes for an interesting world and exciting life.

Emotions encompass a huge part of that personality.

Some folks lack emotion, others ARE but don't show it, and then some constantly ride that emotional roller coaster....while others let their emotions motivate them to strive for perfection or carry out a tough task.

Each individual has a different way of harnessing their emotions. Some handle them well while others let their emotions run roughshod.

When we are required to do something that may frighten us, the emotional spurt of adrenalin propels us to carry out the action. I've heard many true stories about how someone picked up a car off an injured person or did something 'super human' because of that extra burst.

If we are just relaxing watching a movie, sometimes our emotions get the best of us, depending on the nature of that movie.


Well, depending on the day, the situation, if things are going well or if one is having a rocky day may dictate the mood. Every day is different and sometimes one really has no control.

Usually I am in a great mood. My emotions are in check unless something really goes haywire in an overly stressed situation and I feel helpless. Half the time I don't even remember how I felt a week ago. That moment is gone and have moved on to bigger and better things.

But, I was able to document a very specific, emotional roller coaster in my life recently.

One week ago, my emotions were out of control.

It was not just one incident, but at least a half-dozen or more different feelings causing havoc. Again, normally I don't recount specifics down to the second, but this particular event will linger in my memory for a while.

I could not stop crying during the 11am Mass. I tried masking it. I tried stopping. I could not do either. The flood gates were open. Now, there were a number of mitigating factors. My best friend, who had been in town, was leaving. Right after Mass, in fact, I had to drive him to the airport. But we go through this twice a year, and honestly, I usually don't cry. It's all part of life. Someone visits and you know they must leave.

The other main factor, which is stupid and juvenile, was that I really did not sing much at Mass. I could not attend practice, and it seems whenever that happens, I'm 'benched' so to speak. Again, that usually does not bother me. But last Sunday, it really had an impact on my psyche.

Factor in the words in many of the songs being sung, with my friend leaving realizing I would be alone again with no real true friends to hang out with or do fun stuff with (who are not married with children), not reaching my weight-loss goal in time for Craig's visit, not accomplishing everything around the house in time for Craig's visit, having to go back to reality after a week of 'out of the ordinary fun,' Mom, and so many other concerns/responsibilities that are constantly on my shoulders, and my shoulders alone.

I thought I had camouflaged the tears but after Mass, a wonderfully nice choir member came up to me to ask me how I was doing. I really did not want the flood gates to open and unload everything on her but just knowing that she cared seemed to ease the pain just a little.


Fast forward to today at the 11am Mass. Total turnaround. Fine. Normal. In fact, better than normal, in great voice, singing many songs, orchestrating the coffee social after Mass and just enjoying the beautiful 1st day of Summer with Mom!

If you would have asked me what triggered last Sunday, how I 'snapped out of it' and see the about face, there is absolutely no rhyme or reason EXCEPT that pesky emotional roller coaster that lives within each and every one of us!

End to my emotional weekend

The lump in my throat is back.

It's the end of an era at Yankee Stadium.

Mom and I are so lucky and blessed that we had the opportunity to go this year before they begin tearing it down.

Sunday night, the final game to be held at the house that Ruth built. It's these type of games where the actual 'game' is secondary to the event itself.

Pre-game pomp and circumstance came on, and it was just riveting! What an emotional roller coaster ride. I would not have missed this for the world.

There were so many older players who came back, and of course, remembering those players who already passed.

Family members of deceased players stood in for them including, Mickey Mantle's son, Elston Howard's daughter, Billy Martin's son, Bobby Mercer's family, Thurman Munson's family member. I know I am forgetting a few folks and I apologize.

You could tell that many of the former and current players were visibly shaken.

Bernie Williams came back for the first time since his retirement and got THE biggest and longest ovation. Williams, a very humble man, was overtaken with emotion.

Don Larsen began scooping up soil from the mound he pitched his perfect game atop...

Since Babe Ruth hit the first home run at Yankee Stadium, his daughter was asked to toss out the ceremonial first pitch to Jorge Posada. She rocked! Just like her father!

Bob Shepard, who has been ill and has not been at the stadium all season, recorded a greeting so he could be part of this ceremony. Shepard has been the Yankees public address announcer for over 50 years. In fact, Derek Jeter asked him to record for posterity what he says when Jeter comes up to bat so they can play it each time he comes up to the plate until the end of time!

The game began and how fitting that Andy Pettitte took the mound.

The game itself was actually very exciting, while the announcers intermixed video vignettes, interviews, live guests and trivia throughout the game.

Though the players of today may appear to be legends, the old timers will always be my heroes. Whitey Ford was signed out of high school for peanuts. He went on to be one of the best Yankee pitchers of all time with 120 wins, 2.57 ERA, and 748 strikeouts. He is a humble man to this day. No current player can hold a candle to Whitey, Yogi, Feller, Doby, and all of the old timers who made this great game what it is today!

During the 7th inning stretch, hearing Ronan Tynen sing 'God Bless America' for the last time at Yankee Stadium brought back the huge lump in the throat.

Robinson Cano hit a sac fly to score a run and then tossed his batting gloves into a little boy sitting in the first row. To see the little boy's face brought tears to my eyes.

Babe Ruth made a comment after his 1st home run at Yankee Stadium wondering 'who will hit the last?' Well, for all you trivia lovers, it was Jose Molina!

A perfect ending to a perfect game, bringing Mariano Rivera in to close the game out as he has done so many times before. Chills went up and down my spine.

At the end, while The Chairman, Frank Sinatra belted out 'New York, New York,' Derek Jeter made a short speech and then the team took a lap around thanking their fans for their support.


I must interject that I believe the Indians' have the best fans. 455 sold out games in a row. 105,000+ filling the stadium this weekend alone for a team that is NOT going to the playoffs (but should be!!).

And then so many wonder why I love this game!!!!!!

Emotional weekend

Probably not particularly healthy but when I get very emotional and do not allow myself to cry, I get a huge lump in my throat that feels like it is going to just bust!

This weekend was chock full of those moments!

It began Friday morning (a vacation day) at 530am heading off to the hospital for Mom's procedure. I don't think I will ever feel what it's like to sleep in on a vacation day!

Things went moderately smooth today at the hospital except Mom was in even more pain than usual. It was awful. I'm not even going to go into any further detail or that lump in my throat will flare up. The good thing, all the nurses were extremely nice and Mom actually bumped into just about every one of her doctors! The nurses are quite caring and actually remember not only Mom but me too!

I must share this story--there is a little foreign 'house doctor' who is a trip. I'm not sure what he does, why they retain him, or what purpose he fulfills, but he brings comic relief. Right after the foreign doctor who speaks no English vacated our room, the nurse came over to assure us he had NOTHING to do with Mom's procedure!

Then off to dialysis. I have no idea how Mom does this?

You would think Mom would be exhausted and spent after dialysis, but she wanted to go to the Indians' game, being the final home stand, so off we went.

We did have a few scary moments. Mom had one of her post-dialysis episodes. We had to steal away to the Terrace Club bathroom couch for about 20 or so minutes while Mom recovered.

I'm very fortunate that I know what to look for and how to remedy the problem. Within 1/2 hour, Mom was good as new!

The game itself quite emotional with the big Fausto-Sheffield fight breaking out in the 7th inning. With this turning point, you just knew we were going to win the game!


Saturday: Do you ever feel totally out of control of a situation and a missed opportunity? Well, that is how I felt today. Mom and I went to Mass. Upon entering, we saw the wrap up of a bride and groom finishing their wedding pictures, family saying their goodbyes and parishioners entering for Mass.

We knew many of the wedding goers! I grew up with them. I felt as if I had missed out on a wonderful opportunity to sing this Mass while seeing some long lost friends! My best friend from grade school had been at the wedding but had already retreated back to her hotel. I have not seen Joan in years.

She's a wonderful girl who has had, at times a very sad life. Yet she has a tremendous core group of family and friends who have helped her get through all of her trials. Her mother passed away when we were in the 4th grade. Her brother passed away a few years later on New Year's Day. She lost a very close uncle and her Father, just to name a few awful moments. Though she still had a lot of family up here, she opted to go live in the same area as her sister and brother-in-law and nephews.

I miss her. I can not believe she was in town and I could not even say hello. I felt handcuffed and a missed opportunity that I will never get back. These feelings do not happen that often, but today was one of them.


Sunday: The final game of the season at Progressive Field. To us, this is a huge deal. Baseball is part of our life. It's part of the many fibers that make us who we are, give us strength at times, entertain us, yet saddens our spirit.

Overall, a festive day with us sweeping the Detroit Tigers. After all the celebrating ended, we realized that we will not be back at Progressive Field until April 10, 2009.