Surreal week

I'm still trying to grapple with all of the people who have passed away over the last few weeks.

We've had friends, neighbors, and co-workers.

There have been numerous stars. I have not looked it up and am not looking it up right now but have always known to be true that when a 'star' passes away, it happens in 3's.

Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson...and it has continued all week long.....

Now, Ed McMahon and Farrah Fawcett were expected.

Michael Jackson definitely not expected. I'm still stunned and in a fog I think not totally grasping this occurrence.

I know people who totally went to pieces over MJ's death. I grew up with his music my entire life. I personally thought he was a musical genius and contributed to the history of pop music as we know it today. God gave Michael Jackson and his entire family numerous gifts, which they utilized.

No matter how you feel about this man and the 'tabloid stories' which followed him around, his talent should not be denied.

I do have a problem, maybe just a small problem, with tying the word 'tragic' or 'tragedy' to his passing.

Don't get me wrong, it's awful. Yet another negative scenario in this entertainer's life and legacy. However, we as a people overuse or misuse certain words. The first one that pops to mind is 'love.' I 'love my husband' or 'I love pizza' or 'I love my dog.'

When I think of 'tragedy' I think of 9/11. I think of a plane full of 157 people crashing into the ocean. I think of a small child getting kidnapped, missing for 6 years, and no sign of hope that she will ever be found.

Maybe it's my faith and relationship with God, but I believe everything happens for a reason and we are put on this earth by God with a mission and when that mission is complete, we go back up to our maker.

We may never know just 'what that mission may be' but have to believe.

As finite people, when someone dies, especially at a young age, we can't imagine why that happens.

We have to believe.

In the words of Michael, 'If you'd only believe.'

Is it 'settling' or realizing perfection is rare?

A debate I grapple with each day.

Am I 'settling?'

Or do I just realize that no one is perfect, we are human and perfection is rare.

I strive for perfection each and every day.

Unfortunately, I am of the high strung personality wanting for perfection from everyone around me as well.

Usually, those around me fall short of my demands or requests.

That does not mean I have to conform.

I will always push myself to the limit and excel in all I do striving to be the best.


Does that go for relationships too?

I must be honest.

I was never the girl who got the guy.

In grade school I had my crushes, a little puppy love, drama that only my best friend Joan knew about, but never really had a boyfriend.

It did not help being the 'tom boy.'

In high school, I studied to get the good marks and it paid off.

In college, when I finally possessed the maturity for the steady relationships, they still did not pan out. The guys I fell for who felt the same about me had a 'high school sweetheart' back home. We could fool around and hang out with the knowledge that absolutely nothing would come of this.

On the flip side, other males I hung with never even made a pass. I got quite the low self esteem complex. Thankfully, years later, I learned they were gay. Finally, I realized it was not me! I still had sex appeal.


Fast forward to the 'real world' and being a grown up.

Deja vu. Still the perfectionist. Never believed in meeting people in bars...when it comes to men, 1st impressions meant something (and I'm sure it goes the same way for men's first impressions of me).

Never was the girl who would flirt in a bar, or string a man along just to get free drinks out of him. Never done it and never will.

The guys I fell for had girl friends 'back home' wherever that may be, Trumbull County, Columbus, wherever, or worse, wives!

There was 'Mango Man' who I dated for 6 months. He was amazing. However, he was a lover of women. He wound up going back to his girlfriend Ann and marrying her but when I saw him down in Atlanta, he was with another woman. There is no other way to describe this hot G-Q cover guy except to say he was a true 'lover of all women.' I would rather have had that 6 months than none at all.

I would never carouse with a married man. However, came close once when I sat for hours talking to the nicest guy after the Al Stewart Concert, only to find out at the end of the evening he was married. He called a handful of times. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was supposed to meet him the night of the awful East 87th Street fire. My relief never showed so I had to work a double. Well, it was a sign....I was not supposed to let that friendship go any further and was meant to be on the news desk the night of one of the most tragic fires in Cleveland's history.

As usual, I entrenched myself in my career! My wacky schedule did not help my social life, but that's no excuse.


So nearly 13 years ago when I met someone who was like no one I had ever met before: funny, good looking, interesting, smart, fantastic memory, wild, smelled amazing, had my passion for music, traveling, sports, (and rum), I said "here we go again."

How will this end? Will he have a girlfriend 'back home?" Will he be gay? Will his first impression of me be awful? Will there be some other 'deep dark' secret?


Well, it has not ended yet. But, it's not what I envisioned.

For 8 years I had a companion to attend concerts, events, a travel partner, a chillin' friend, and someone to talk to into the wee hours of the morning. And we would talk. I thought I had made a connection because I don't like talking to anyone. Never spoke on the phone, still don't. I am shy and introverted, yet I could talk to my pal for 4 hours at a time. I was amazed.

We got each other out of some pretty serious jams....

I have to be honest, I've been there for him more than he for me. It's not a contest. But, at times, a one-sided, lop-sided friendship. However, for 8 years, was I 'settling' just to have someone and not be alone. The adage, something is better than nothing?

Folks who saw us over those 8 years thought we were a couple. Even his brother would introduce me as his girlfriend. At times, I thought we were a couple. Was I mislead, hoping for that perfect union, or just 'settling' for my security blanket?

Over the last 4 and 1/2 years, my 'pal' has since moved away for career reasons. We are still friends. It was not 'out of sight, out of mind.' I think that tells something about our friendship.

We have had our share of disagreements, head-butting, and me realizing that he is far from perfect (neither am I). But the good times outweigh the tough times. And, I was always taught, family and friends must work through the tough times instead of just running and giving up. There have been times I've wanted to cut ties but just have not been able to go through with it. He's my friend. We have a history together. I can't just turn my back on friends. I'm very sentimental, devoted, committed and nostalgic. However, in 13 years, he has not changed a bit. That's a bit unsettling. Honestly, I really am too good for him.

But, again, I ask the question, am I 'settling' so I still have someone or just realize that perfection is rare and I will never find the perfect man?

On the other hand, I deserve better. I deserve the best. I deserve someone who will come half-way, who will make sacrifices, who will do something he absolutely hates just to make me happy, who will come hear me sing even if he is not my religion, who will get together with my family more and will encourage his family to do the same, who will take my advice once in a while, who will try a new look (get out of the 70's), who will let me take him to the barber, who will let me talk about my problems solely for one night (and I will do the same the next), who will buy me something I really want instead of something he likes or 'thinks' I will like, who will rub my shoulders and back when he sees I am stressed without me having to beg, who will pay for me instead of me being the bread winner, who will drive me around every once in a while so I can over-indulge if I choose, who will be openly affectionate, who will talk to me when we go out instead of having sidebar conversations with everyone and anyone just because he is an outgoing person who needs to be the center of attention, who lives for now and in the future instead of reliving the past, who makes new memories, who can keep up with me, and who will venture out of his box and shake up his agenda every once in a while...


But, let's be realistic, I have not found anyone else? There have been and are a few folks I would not mind going out with but they have not shown that same affection toward me, so maybe I am resigned to 'settling' for my buddy of nearly 13 years--until he wises up, has breathed all the life out of me, moves on with his life finding someone new (who is a size 2 and has Kristin Davis' features) leaving me out in the cold and alone??!?!

On the go from 8am to 9pm

You have got to be kidding me!

On the go from 8am until roughly 9pm.

I thought this was the weekend. A time to rest, to rejuvenate, to escape from work.

Well, I never have a weekend. I may not physically be at my paying job, but I have a much bigger 'job' 24/7 which does not pay in money but gives great satisfaction and joy (as well as pain and stress).

Sunday's are yet another early early day for me being that I sing at Mass.

So I hoist my plump body from my makeshift bed/love seat and sing all morning long.

Then Mom and I made our way to the Indians' game. A 'fun' event in spirit but traveling with an older person makes it a challenging adventure with more stress than relaxation. But it's worth it seeing Mom's eyes light up as we enter Progressive Field and listen to her cheer on the guys rattling off stats that I never even knew she knew!

Sunday's they have a great brunch in the Terrace Club so we made our way upstairs.

Delicious!

Then we made our way down to our seats and our usher, who just loves Mom, saved her a seat at the top of our section so she did not have to sit in the sun. That is what I am talking about. With the stress comes such wonderful graces from God and amazing acts from our fellow humans.

The game sucked. I know that's not very literary but simply stated, the truth.

After the game, both of us were bushed. However, we had tickets for an event at the Cleveland Metropark Zoo with the Cleveland Indians. I told Mom, we may not get this chance again. So on we went to the Zoo.

Mom had not been there is eons. I was excited to share this with her. Not just seeing some of our favorite Tribesmen, but the whole zoo experience!

We wound up staying the entire event! WOW! Basically, members of the Indians were on hand to sign autographs and greet their fans. There were a few players at each exhibit. No way in heck to get every one's autograph but Mom and I were banking on just 2. We lucked out and got a few more than that, but had an amazing time.

We buzzed around the zoo seeing all of God's creatures. Each animal seemed to be more beautiful than the last. It turned out to be an extraordinary day. Pouring in the morning and sunny and 86 in the afternoon. A PERFECT day for a visit to the Zoo.

As we greeted fellow Indians' fans who we, on occasion, see at the games, we got glimpses of our boys in street clothes and made our way to most of the animal exhibits.

We were able to actually speak with Ryan Garko, Jeremy Sowers, Shin Soo Choo, David Huff, and a few more...they really are a nice group of guys.

And frankly, the Cleveland Indians are the best looking baseball team in the Major Leagues. Hands down. WOW! But, I've always known that!

As the sun began setting, and the little carts began leaving with our favorite ballplayers, we were not tired anymore. We were past the point of exhaustion. We casually made our way to the zoo exit realizing we had a God-given day filled with magic and memories.

There is a Balm in Gilead

This song brings back wonderful memories from my college days when the Hiram College Choir performed this song on one of our National Tours of the U.S. and Canada.

We rocked, if I can pat all of us on the back. I have a rough recording of it, and it's good!


The last month or so (who am I kidding, 6 years) have been very stress-filled and difficult. Oh, we are fine and life is good. When I look at the problems others endure and the lives others have on the surface, I can not complain. I can only praise God and thank him from the bottom of my heart. But, it seems, there have been more bumps in the road and an overwhelming feeling of helplessness over the last month than in a long while.

I have an insurmountable amount of responsibility that was presented to me. At first, I could handle it. I know God will not give us more than we can handle. And frankly, of everyone he could have given this responsibility to, I am the best person for the job. No one else can do what I do for Mom. Bar none. He made the right choice. I just need to make him proud. Some would say I am still doing a fine job. But, it's hard and I do feel overwhelmed every minute of every day of my life.

But then, just as I am at rock bottom, God does what he does best --gives me hope.

Today's readings and songs were PERFECT. As I sang each song at each Mass, I was reminded that God is with me even if everyone else has abandoned me or is against me or, in my eyes, is abandoning God and his word.

I really needed it today, and as usual, God delivered.

In Father's homily, one of the main teachings was that God loves every one of us as if there was only one of us. Each of our needs, our pleas for help, our problems, and joys are as important as the next person's.

And I'd just like to share some of the lines from various songs I sang today....which helped me immensely, and hopefully, have recharged my soul to continue helping me get through each day.

"Be not afraid, I go before you always, come follow me, and I will give you rest."

"If you pass through raging waters in the sea, you shall not drown."

"If you walk amid the burning flames, you shall not be harmed."

"If you stand before the power of hell and death is at your side, know that I am with you through it all."

"Blessed are your poor, for the kingdom shall be theirs."

"Blest are you that weep and mourn, for one day you shall laugh."

"And if wicked tongues insult and hate you all because of Me. Blessed blessed are you."


Then we have from "I heard the voice of Jesus"--
"I heard the voice of Jesus say, come unto Me and rest
Lay down thou weary one lay down thy head upon My breast
I came to Jesus as I was
Weary and worn and sad
I found in him a resting place and He has made me glad...."


But the grand daddy of them all--"There is a Balm in Gilead"--

"There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sinsick soul.

Sometimes I feel discouraged and think my work's in vain
But then the Holy Spirit revives my soul again.

If you can not preach like Peter, if you can not pray like Paul
You can tell the love of Jesus, and say He died for all.

Don't ever feel discouraged, for Jesus is your friend
and if you lack for knowledge, he'll ne'er refuse to lend."

Sears. Life well spent

HA!

What a joke. I saw the Sears commercial tonight and about fell off of my chair.

It said: Sears. Life well spent.

Really. We've wasted 4 days of our life over the last 10 days. I don't see that as 'life well spent.' I see the stress and worry taking time off of my life.

We have been trying to get our fridge fixed since June 17th.

4 appointments later, just maybe today was the day.

Originally, the maintenance man was supposed to arrive between 8am and noon. Got pushed back. Never arrived until about 315pm. We were not about to lose this one so we cancelled everything on our plate today including a funeral we would have loved to attend, Mass and a few great festivals we've been looking forward to all summer.

The Sears man arrived and claimed to have fixed the problem.

No sooner had he pulled out of the drive-way did a line behind the fridge bust and there was a soothing water spraying out from two locations on the water line.

I could not believe my eyes. This was amazing!

We called immediately and the person on the other end of the phone did not sense the urgency accompanying the call. We told her we needed her to call him and turn him around. Well, he arrived about an hour later.

In the meantime, a few folks popped over after Mass to offer words of wisdom, try to shut the fridge water line off and finally just wrap some tape around the holes so the sun room did not get any more drenched!

Well Sears Maintenance man Michael Cox, a very nice man, seemed genuine in his concern and labor of love....but frankly, after what we've just been through for the last 2 weeks, I trust no one.

He appeared to have fixed the problem. Time will tell.

And really, that's all I can say for now, still awestruck and amazed at the ridiculous ordeal inflicted because one of the biggest companies in the world lacks efficiency and customer service and satisfaction.

2 damsels in distress!

Mom and Dani's excellent adventure.

It was an excellent adventure except for about 10 minutes. But then because I have an outstanding friend, those 10 minutes were erased and replaced with awe and gratitude!

We decided to make the trek to PNC Park to see our boys--on the hottest day of the year! My car thermometer registered 98 degrees, and not the musical group!

But we were buzzing along, great car, jamming to Siriusly Sinatra, having an exquisite day. Until I missed one wrong turn.

We were on vacation. We could take a little excursion and sight see. Which we did. But having been to Pittsburgh numerous times before, it's circles and bridges and highway and hardly anywhere to turn off or turn around!

Finally, I got to the Rite Aid Parking lot so I could call my college buddy, Gary. What a gem. I've found in life that my best buds are my college buddies with a handful of grade school and high school folks as well!. After that, once you get in the business world, it's every man for themselves and forget about it.

Gary not only gave me directions but said, "stay put, I'm coming to get you!" We were in awe and so thankful for having such a wonderful friend!

As Mom hit right on the nose, he has not changed a bit.

We followed him back to his restaurant, "Big Jim's," which was recently featured on Guy's "Diner's, Drive-ins, & Dives."

For the next few hours we enjoyed the company of good friends, excellent food and not having to worry about anything.

When you say in the coming weeks, months and years, "where were you when Farrah died?" or "where were you when you learned about Michael Jackson?" Mom and I were with Gary at Big Jim's spending quality time with good people.

Gary got us to PNC Park, where Mom and I enjoyed yet more quality time together doing what we love best: watching the boys play baseball! I love PNC Park. Mom enjoyed it though she states she likes Progressive Field better.

We are truly blessed. A safe trip visiting good friends and new adventures with those we love. Who could ask for anything more.

Well, we would have liked a win, but heck, it was a good time all in all.

When we arrived home, a perfect ending to a near-perfect day. My cousin Johnny had left a message. What a hoot. He said, "I know you are not hearing this right now or getting this right now and the reason I know that is because we just saw you on TV in Pittsburgh at the game....they just gave you a shout out Dani and her Mom....."

Life is good....

The wonders of today's technology

I tout myself at being smack dab in the middle of the row.

I am not a 'technological moron' yet I am definitely not a whiz kid.

My niece and her husband, I would characterize, as technological geniuses!

And Mom, believe it or not, is working up the ladder getting in line with her cell phone and doing the basics on the computer.

But over the weekend, we both got pumped up with the magic of today's technology.

We sat watching the Tribe game march into extra innings. Let's not discuss the outcome. Too painful.

However, at one point, STO cameras showed three of my friends, Yak, Chris Tye, and Brian Crane. I could not text message them fast enough.

What was hilarious was seeing them glance down at their cell phones while on camera, as I'm sure, text message after text message caught their watchful eyes.

What a rush!

While I'm watching them enjoy the Indians-Cubbies game, I'm sending 'smart alecky' messages over the airwaves only to receive funny comments back in return, within minutes.

Both Mom and I got pumped up.

We, in Cleveland, Ohio and my buddies in Chicago! And we were communicating through the magic of today's technology!

AMAZING!

Nat King Cole Impossible

From Nat King Cole's lips to God's ears!

It's been rocky lately but as long as God is with me, then nothing is impossible!!

"That nothing is impossible if you are here with me."

Emotional rollercoaster

Every body's unique personality makes for an interesting world and exciting life.

Emotions encompass a huge part of that personality.

Some folks lack emotion, others ARE but don't show it, and then some constantly ride that emotional roller coaster....while others let their emotions motivate them to strive for perfection or carry out a tough task.

Each individual has a different way of harnessing their emotions. Some handle them well while others let their emotions run roughshod.

When we are required to do something that may frighten us, the emotional spurt of adrenalin propels us to carry out the action. I've heard many true stories about how someone picked up a car off an injured person or did something 'super human' because of that extra burst.

If we are just relaxing watching a movie, sometimes our emotions get the best of us, depending on the nature of that movie.


Well, depending on the day, the situation, if things are going well or if one is having a rocky day may dictate the mood. Every day is different and sometimes one really has no control.

Usually I am in a great mood. My emotions are in check unless something really goes haywire in an overly stressed situation and I feel helpless. Half the time I don't even remember how I felt a week ago. That moment is gone and have moved on to bigger and better things.

But, I was able to document a very specific, emotional roller coaster in my life recently.

One week ago, my emotions were out of control.

It was not just one incident, but at least a half-dozen or more different feelings causing havoc. Again, normally I don't recount specifics down to the second, but this particular event will linger in my memory for a while.

I could not stop crying during the 11am Mass. I tried masking it. I tried stopping. I could not do either. The flood gates were open. Now, there were a number of mitigating factors. My best friend, who had been in town, was leaving. Right after Mass, in fact, I had to drive him to the airport. But we go through this twice a year, and honestly, I usually don't cry. It's all part of life. Someone visits and you know they must leave.

The other main factor, which is stupid and juvenile, was that I really did not sing much at Mass. I could not attend practice, and it seems whenever that happens, I'm 'benched' so to speak. Again, that usually does not bother me. But last Sunday, it really had an impact on my psyche.

Factor in the words in many of the songs being sung, with my friend leaving realizing I would be alone again with no real true friends to hang out with or do fun stuff with (who are not married with children), not reaching my weight-loss goal in time for Craig's visit, not accomplishing everything around the house in time for Craig's visit, having to go back to reality after a week of 'out of the ordinary fun,' Mom, and so many other concerns/responsibilities that are constantly on my shoulders, and my shoulders alone.

I thought I had camouflaged the tears but after Mass, a wonderfully nice choir member came up to me to ask me how I was doing. I really did not want the flood gates to open and unload everything on her but just knowing that she cared seemed to ease the pain just a little.


Fast forward to today at the 11am Mass. Total turnaround. Fine. Normal. In fact, better than normal, in great voice, singing many songs, orchestrating the coffee social after Mass and just enjoying the beautiful 1st day of Summer with Mom!

If you would have asked me what triggered last Sunday, how I 'snapped out of it' and see the about face, there is absolutely no rhyme or reason EXCEPT that pesky emotional roller coaster that lives within each and every one of us!

Summer's here!

We started having nice weather, temps in the 80's, back in May I believe.

Well, summer is officially here and there were Summer Solstice celebrations all over Northeast Ohio.

What great fun and a super way to officially kick off 'summer.'

As we traveled around our neighborhood Saturday, all you heard was music eminating from street to street as the 1st annual Larchmere Porchfest embarked on the Larchmere-Shaker Square neighborhood.

It was WONDERFUL!

Each street you visited had onlookers and music-lovers gathered around at least one house which held a free concert on their porch for all to enjoy.

Shaker Square was rockin' all night long and then folks who did not want the evening to end made their way to Boulevard Blue for the Larchmere Porchfest 'after party.'

We have a terrific, eclectic neighborhood.

From preliminary reports, the 1st annual Larchmere Porchfest was a smashing success and organizers are already planning next year's event!

Sears' appalling service

Late Tuesday evening we came home to a refrigerator who had 'relieved herself' all over the sun room floor.

Quizzical.

Frustrating.

But we have to deal with it.

We called Sears first thing Wednesday morning to schedule a service call since we have been exemplary customers with a service agreement for over 20 years.

We set up TWO service calls and Saturday, June 20, 2009 are still waiting for a service man to come out.

They've stiffed us twice.

In the meantime, our basement ceiling below the fridge is falling down and the walls and floor are drenched...cable wires are wet....

More than likely we will need a new fridge. That's fine. We are ok with that and looking around right now. But there's a bigger looming problem. Unfortunately, we will also have to get work done on the ceiling/floor and the basement walls...and any wires and lines that may have been damaged.

We are not taking this lightly.

The dozens of people we've had to deal with at Sears Roebuck and Company have been awful.

You can tell that companies are downsizing, can not handle their load anymore and are hiring the cheapest, most ignorant employees to represent them.

Unfortunately, yet another issue which I and I alone have to deal with. Mom can help to some extent but not really. This has been bumped up to high priority pushing back the other 512 items on my 'to do' list a little further behind.

Sears thinks they can push us around. They've got another thing coming.

They have not seen or heard the last of us. They have NO idea who they are dealing with....

Treat her like a queen

I can't say it enough.

God has truly blessed me with Mom.

To still have her around alive and kicking and vibrant.

We are two kindred souls.

I tell folks 'when I grow up I wanna be like Mom.'

Dream on, they say, dream on!

She really is a piece of work, and that's a compliment.

She still has a passion for living.

A few days this week I was on furlough.

Everyone says, oh, you'll love having a few days off.

Well, no one realizes that I never get a day off. I may be off from my job, but those days are even harder. No one will ever understand the duress, stress, and overwhelming responsibility on my shoulders 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

However, I can take it. I just keep repeating, "God will not give me more than I can handle. God will not give me more than I can handle."

I just wish folks stood in my shoes for a week. Actually, that would not work. They'd think I did have a cake life because most folks do not pay attention to detail as I. Most folks are much lazier than I. Most folks go through life with a selfish attitude 'what can the world do for me' rather than 'what can I do for the world.' I am tooting my horn. I am one in a million and would not trade my giving, caring, energetic, over-achieving go-getter attitude for the world!

Anyhoo, God DOES toss me signs on a daily basis showing me how lucky and blessed I am.

During my furlough days, we went on a shopping spree because Mom needed 'stuff.'

Well, what turned into a 2 hour jaunt extended into an almost 5 hour jaunt.

No rest for the weary!

Yet, we had a blast.

I have satellite radio and it's one of the best items on my car.

God opens my eyes to his blessings as Mom and I travel around from errand to errand jamming to the Siriusly Sinatra Station.

My heart bursts as I hear Mom belting out song after song after song.

Then somehow we get another burst of energy to hit the Indians game.

And they treat her like a queen.

We arrive and find the first spot to park in....

Before we even enter, we have personnel helping Mom to our seats.

Our usher, Bob, adores Mom and pampers her to no end.

If he gets a weather report that it may start raining soon, he'll help her get up the stairs and out of the rain before anyone else.

It was just a great day, a great night.

Mom deserves to be treated like a queen.

Bittersweet goodbye

Well, my best friend in the whole wide world, Craig, went back to FLA yesterday.

We have a love-hate relationship at times.

One of my worst attributes is being very judgemental (because I am always right!!).

I tell him he is so predictable. He has the same drill every day, and the same sequence of events the day he arrives in town and beyond.

However, one event that is so predictable time after time after time is when you have to say goodbye to someone.

This time, his visit went by kind of slowly, which was a blessing.

But a few days before he was set to take off, melancholy set in, the time sped up, and there was a sadness in the air even though he was still here.

These are the winding down days when I am actually as predictable as my friend.

You can never quite perfect saying goodbye.

And for me, it's never a happy series of events.

I want to spend as much time with him as I can but know he really should spend the bulk of the time with his mother, whom he will not see for, who knows how long.

Then departure day. Very predictable. I should judge myself and brow beat myself for the 'ground hog day' mentality of this particular day.

You know it's gonna come, but it's never easy.

The empty, blah feeling swarms in and you just can't shake it.

I usually get up, sing at Church and then right afterward, we'll have brunch and I'll whisk him off to the airport.

Cleveland's airport leaves a lot to be desired at this present time, and there is no place to grab a bite or visit. But I want to hold on to the moment just a bit longer so I walk inside with him and we grab a few chairs and just visit for a few minutes more.

Finally, it's that dreaded moment when he has to walk through security, which I am banned from without a ticket.

I wait. I watch. I wave.

He moves a few more people.

I wait. I watch. I wave.

Finally, he's out of sight and I must snap back into harsh reality trying to savor the sweet sendoff and rely on the enjoyable memories until, hopefully, one day we greet each other again.

Home away from home

What I am gonna say right now may make us sound like snobs, but that's why no one should ever assume anything.

One of my 'home away from home' locations is the Terrace Club at Progressive Field.

When I tell folks we ate up there or grabbed a drink or dessert, I get these looks like, "Oh, you are one of THOSE people!"

I guess I am.

We do like to frequent the Terrace Club, especially on colder days or hotter days. It suits Mom just fine!

We were there Sunday night enjoying the Tribe -Cardinals Game.

One key giveaway that you visit someplace too much is when Mary Jo the Manager greets you as you enter, all the waiters know you by name (Mom really, I'm always invisible) and the Chefs recognize you as you saunter from buffet table to buffet table!

So be it!

Progressive Field and the Terrace Club is our home away from home and we would not have it any other way!

Just 20 minutes away

The other evening I was speaking on the phone to one of my best friends....

I say 'one of my best friends' because I don't know if I have a BF or even a BFF.

Craig and I 'argue' at times with 'creative differences' on how each of us should live our lives or dress or even eat plus a few other hot topics of discussion.

But, more often than not, the fun times and memory making moments outweigh the rocky times.

He knows more about me than anyone else in my life, which he has garnered over the last 12 years--that's how long we've been pals.

People think we're dating, including his family, but we're not.

I don't know. Many years ago, he told me I was 'not his type.' And then the more I got to know him I realized he was not quite my type and I deserved a lot better (trust me folks, I've told this to his face. This is nothing I have not said to him.)

We overlook our differences--I try to tolerate his selfishness and not venturing 'outside the box' attitude while he hopefully accepts my jealousy and 'suggestions to make his life better.'

But, he's a magnet. He keeps drawing me back. I can't cut loose. In the words of Bruce, I can't cut the ties that bind.

My life surely would be different today if this person had not come into my life 12 years ago....in many respects. Many good. Many amazing moments and trips never realized. And unfortunately, my bank account much bigger for when I helped him get through really tough times. But I keep saying, "God put this person into my life for a reason." And I believe that fact.

I could drone on forever, because I psycho-analyze myself all the time about EVERYTHING.


However, the other night, as I spoke to Craig on the phone, it was nice.

It was nice because he was just 20 minutes away. Just 20 minutes.....not 2000 miles.

He was in town visiting his Mother and was just 20 minutes away.

I can not even explain or put into words what a wonderful feeling came over me talking to him knowing he was in my neck of the woods. It was definitely a different mood than when I talk to him from FLA.


It's been nice having him around (even though we've had two doozy 'discussions' ---but distance and rum will do that!!!)....


My security blanket is about to travel the friendly skies and life will get back to normal. Who am I kidding, my life IS NEVER NORMAL!

I'll have to resort to speaking to him over the miles and pretending he is 'just 20 minutes away.'

Don't worry

My Guardian Angel always comes through in a pinch.

The fact that I have hardly accomplished anything on my New Year's Resolution List.....my Lenten Resolution List....my "it has to be done by Opening Day" List.....by my "trip to Tampa" List.....

And my real eye opener that I've failed at everything I wanted to have completed and nailed down by the time my best friend comes into town in 38 hours....


Then, what do my wondering eyes read from my Guardian Angel:


"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
--Matthew 6:27

Everything's not what it SEEms

I try very hard to give everyone, including myself, the benefit of the doubt.

As hard as it may SEEm, I attempt to put initial looks, appearances, and outward views aside without making hasty judgements.

It's hard.

But then I started thinking, folks do the same to me all the time. In fact, selfish people who are not as nice, sensitive, and caring as myself really make hasty and oftentimes WRONG judgements.


What started the ball rolling on this thought was an ER episode that came on....2 shooting victims were brought in--a young African American male and a young Caucasian male. We all know what the stereotypical views may be. However, turns out the Caucasian male was a drug dealer and his parents knew about it and said it was just a matter of time til something like this happened to him....the African American male was a star basketball player with a great future ahead of him.


It may seem silly, but I was driving to work this overcast day wearing my flashy sunglasses in my new car.

I went off on a tangent thinking anyone who saw me would think I am a stuck up, full of myself, snob or just eccentric.

OK, I will admit, I do look HOT in my new sunglasses (LOL).

However, I have very sensitive eyes. I really have to wear sunglasses all year round because of my allergies, my contacts, my 'too much computer at work' dry eyes, and sensitivity to light and wind.

Yet, I've seen folks looking at me wearing these crazy sunglasses in the pouring down rain with quizzical looks on their face.


Well, the only thing I can do is continue marching to my own drummer regardless of what others think or say......be my own person.....be the best person I can be even if 'bad people' try bringing me down or pulling me into their 'negative web' because of jealousy and their pettiness....and most importantly NOT mis-judge others because of their outward appearance, the way they act, or what they do, wear, or say!


What Would Jesus Do?