Resigned to being overwhelmed

And that's not a bad thing!

Rather be overwhelmed than bored or discontent.

And yes, the items that overwhelm me are probably chump change to those who have 'real' problems...yet to me, they are important and they are real.

Looking into my crystal ball for March, I turn over and attempt to go back to bed because maybe it won't really all attack me if I am sleeping!

The person I call one of my 'best friends' is due in town next week for surgery....will be interesting. Have not seen him since September. I've changed. He hasn't. When he said 'jump' I stayed grounded this time. I will assist him if I can but overall, I can not re-arrange my life anymore for him. I've done that for the last 14 years and I am D-O-N-E!

I truly believe (and what do I know) that God has a bigger reason for him being home other than surgery and visiting me. His Mom is about to turn 87 years old. I think they should spend as much quality time together as they possibly can, no matter how much both of them annoy the other.

This will get interesting folks.

Another dear friend is also ill and it's killing me. I was going to be in his neck of the woods the other day and was dying to pop in and surprise him, but he had a doctor's appointment. We are always two ships passing in the night. I will put a stop to that as well in 2011.

If there is any consolation from this week, I had to make a trip to my car dealership. Most people cringe when they visit the dealership or auto body shop because there are always unexpected costs. I kinda thought that way too but I believe NEXT visit I'll have some extra expenditures.

When I go, I take treats to the autobody folks and then pop over to the nice guy who sold me & Mom our car. Seeing their reaction and their eyes get so big when I hand over a big bag of candy or baked goods brings a smile to MY face.

Well, this time my friend Kenny was off, but those guys still made me smile from cheek to cheek. I walked in and they immediately started asking me what kind of treats I had...and that Kenny was off but they would 'try' to save him a few morsels!

They absolutely made my week!

Rounded off the week having dinner with my family. Well, everyone but my nephew, who was there in spirit while he worked. We celebrated Uncle Bill's birthday in Little Italy. The 1st birthday without UB. I'm sure he was having one heck of a time with his cousin Pope John XXIII, Mom and the rest of his posse up in Heaven! I felt good. I've been on a special nutrition kick and have been doing very well. People can tell I've lost weight and THAT makes me feel good too!

I have a feeling come next week when my buddy enters stage left, my hard work and focus on me will be flushed down eau de toilet!

I'm savoring this bittersweet week as best I can for who knows what tomorrow will bring!

Long and wonderful legacy

I attended the wake of a man I never knew today.

Yet, just by walking into the funeral home, I could tell he lead a meaningful, giving life with a long and wonderful legacy.

I know one of his children and 2 of his grandchildren.

By the end of the wake, I had met all 9 of his children and their spouses and children and other family members.

He has left lasting memories for so many years to come through his family, friends, and every single person he has touched through his 75 years of life on this earth.

Being Catholic, I've grown up with a rich, spiritual upbringing and have attended wakes and funerals my entire life.

I am ok with death, for the most part, knowing that even though we may selfishly miss our loved ones, they are in a much better place just waiting for us to eventually join them in due time.

Standing in the 'greeting line' today, it finally dawned on me why my friends with so many siblings look at me quizzically when I tell them all I have to do for my parent. My friends with large families never had to do it all.

When my friend Lydia's sister was dying of cancer, all of her siblings, many many nieces and nephews, cousins, elderly parents and so many more took turns being with her sister so she was never alone, took care of her sister's family, and were a huge support group to help each other cope with their situation.

Even though they were in the midst of a horrendous situation, I thanked God that they had such a large, loving family and extended family.

Each step I took in line, every floral arrangement I passed, and each picture memory montage I glanced through made me realize how really alone I am in this labor of love God has bestowed on me.

I started feeling so overwhelmed for when my parent passes away.

But then something my grandfather said quickly put a little smile on my face, "if you did not visit me or bring flowers to me when I was alive, don't bring them to me when I'm dead!" I never knew my grandfather but have heard my uncles say that phrase time and time again.

I know God and every family member who went before me will give me the strength to endure whatever happens in this life. I will handle it. What I don't think I can tolerate or handle: people who never paid any attention to us during life all of a sudden crying their eyes out.

My sister is lucky. She has children who will console her, and one day, if she ever gets ill, will take care of her.

God has not given me the gift of children or a husband, and honestly, at this stage in my life, probably never will.

But, I firmly believe God will provide, will never abandon me, and will be by my side always!

Kicking my butt

I hear friends say "if it really means that much to you, you'll be able to do it."

"If it's that important to you, you'll make time for it."

Apparently, the folks spewing these words have never had to care for a parent so they do not know that 24 hours is not enough time to conquer the world!

Thinking about it, most of them don't. They are single, carefree young ones who hardly have a care in the world! Oh, those were the days!

Well the 'old' Danielle used to get upset about everything I could not find the time to do, accomplish, or complete.

The 'new and improved' Danielle (I should not say new and improved, because I have been this way for a long time now--older and wiser with everything thrust upon me!!) doesn't fight it! I know I will eventually get the 'necessary tasks' completed. It just may take triple the time.

There are wants --which just don't happen anymore!

There are needs --which, at times are completed.

There are necessary obligations --these are what are kicking my butt! Just over the last 3 weeks....Mom had 2 doctors appointments a week ago....2 appointments this week....and 3 next week.....leaving no time for anything else except work and a few hours of sleep!

At least I know what is kicking my butt and hopefully one day the overwhelmed feeling I've been harboring for the last 5 years will leave me and I can start kicking back (before it's too late!)...