You have no idea

I'm blessed to have 'guardian angels' interspersed in my daily life on a regular basis.

One that God unexpectedly plopped into my life is the nice man and I believe forever friend that sold me my car after the awful mishap way back when....

Of course, he immediately hit it off with and just loved Mom, but who didn't!

And, because of his tutelage and amazing treatment from day 1, not a visit to the dealership goes by without me popping in to say hello to all the guys, bringing treats, and my pal nicely blocking out time from his busy schedule to visit with his friend!

I think, at times, I know more about the man who sold me my car than some of my friends I've known for nearly a lifetime. It's that one-on-one speaking that we set aside for 1/2 hour or so every time I visit. It's NOT an email, it's NOT a text. It's what I love most -- speaking in person to a friend and visiting, catching up, or making new memories.

I simply can not believe what he did for me the last time I had my car serviced. Needless to say, he went above and beyond the call of duty for me since I needed to leave my car overnight in order to get to work on time. For a fleeting moment, I actually felt like I imagine movie stars and athletes are treated regularly.....I walked into the rental car store and was greeted like royalty. They had my car ready, bent over backwards for me, and could not do enough to make sure I had everything I needed.

I used to get that treatment when accompanying Mom, but never on my own.

Until today. And this may be my one and only time I feel like this! ha ha.

I realize it's a business transaction and if the customer is happy, they may come back for more.

But there is something with my agent, Kenny, who really does go above and beyond. If that means he's the best salesman around, then he is and he does his job like no other. But, there is that human side, that compassionate friend which most sales people really don't have (at least sales people I've run into who give you their scripted pitch, day in day out).

I'm blessed to have run into this person during the course of my lifetime. God knows exactly what he is doing every minute of every day. Every move has a meaning and a reason. We can waste valuable time trying to figure it out, can actually fight some of God's moves or sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!

I love being a passenger in God's delicious sportscar traveling those back country roads, top down, Sirius Radio blaring!

Unraveling more and more each day

The snow never stopped in February carrying over into March. It came down and continued piling up.

And then it seemed as if, within days, we had temperatures of 76 degrees!

When the big thaw came, it uncovered many casualties of winter: cracked asphalt, vehicle tracks on the grass, salt-stained driveways, mowed over plants, the missing stick which guides the plow guy, and this uniquely crafted bird nest which had fallen from its perch atop the gutter plummeting down to its earthly resting place.

This nest had been a fixture atop the side door for at least 2 years if not longer.

Everyday we'd look up there to see if there were any signs of life. Some days yes, some days we could not see anything but we could hear the beautiful songs coming from the residents.


When I first saw the bird nest just laying there, my heart broke for the family living inside. I checked to see if there were any eggs, any birds which had taken their tumble with it.

Thankfully, nothing.

Mom always taught me never to get too close to a nest, or any 'house' an animal concocted for you never know what diseases linger inside.

However, I could not stay too far away marveling at the precise handy work by these creatures of God.

Each twig intertwined one by one. When all is said and done, there must be hundreds interwoven together.

This is one of those miracles which would make Mom say, "this is a true sign there is a God" or "for those people who don't believe in God, all they have to do is open there eyes and take a look at this miracle!"


Then my next thought went to my life these days.

It's rough. Each day is a struggle where I feel like my life is unraveling faster and faster, just like this bird's nest.

But, I am Marianne's daughter. I'm never down for long, especially since Mom and God lift me up every single day.

It's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G the signs they give me to carry on and to show me that they ARE the other set of footprints in the sand.

I take a deep breath and marvel at what I accomplish each day. Getting there may be chaotic but I always make it to the finish line.

Completing each hour may appear impossible. When it's one of those days where I don't even get into the shower until 8 minutes before I am supposed to leave for work .....or I am so overwhelmed by my long to-do list that I roll over when the alarm goes off and sleep until 55 minutes before I have to leave for work, it's a wonder I get anything done.


It was not always like this. And this is NOT me. In fact, when I was describing this to my best friend in Tampa, he was speechless. I thought I had put him to sleep. Finally, he snapped out of his coma and said to me, "Snap out of it! This is not you. You were the one who had every second of every day planned out in Key West! The one who never needs any sleep. That's the girl we need back!"


I think I've moved into the next phase of grieving where at first, I was crying everyday, but now I feel so overwhelmed, I can not deal with life and retreat.


Once I get up and moving, I DO! I conquer everything and complete great feats, though maybe a little rushed. And when I see the mountains I've moved in the course of the day, I am proud of who I am, of where I came, thankful to God from the bottom of my heart, and energized NOT to give up. I definitely can not get through the day without Mom and without God.

I really don't know why I am still here, but I know God is in charge and has a plan for all of us so I have to keep plugging along and never dispute Jesus Christ.

Mass was very difficult today. Father announced that one of Mom's dear friends had passed away. She was 95, soon to be 96, but she was a fireball. The first vision that came to my head was Mom and Aunt Lucy greeting her at the pearly gates. I'm sure they did. They were all such good friends.

But, it brought me down. And the flood gates opened at Church again but I had to sing. And, that's my first example of how Mom and God are there for me. When I am set to sing, I do it.

What happened next, as usual Jesus brought me right back up.

Two songs particularly brought me back to life.

Words from 'There is a Balm in Gilead':
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul
Sometimes I feel discouraged and think my work's in vain
But then the Holy Spirit revives my soul again

Don't ever feel discouraged for Jesus is your friend
And if you lack for knowledge, he'll ne'er refuse to lend.


Then we sang 'The Glory of These Forty Days' which really brought me back:
So Daniel trained his mystic sight, delivered from the lion's might


Every day, God delivers me from the lion's might and saves me! I can't let God or Mom down, ever!


At the end of the day, though the newspapers are in a huge mound in my living room from November, 1/2 of them unopened....the mail tossed in one huge pile while the recyclables tossed in another strategically placed circle on the floor.....no clean clothes to speak of and dirty ones strewn about.....shoes dotting the carpet wherever I felt like kicking them off......and my to-do list continues to grow....at the end of the day, I have MADE it to the end of the day with help from my guardian angels.


And, I vow to never give up or completely let my nest unravel.

Is it being rude or just protecting yourself?

I'm quite conflicted with what I am about to say.

I was always taught to be nice to your fellow brothers and sisters....for you never know when the person you are helping, consoling, or feeding is really Jesus Christ.

Over the last few weeks I've run into a few overbearing, prying, intrusive people.

At first, I really tried being nice but it appears they are heading toward the label of being 'stalkers.' And now, though I still want to be Christian, I am going to put up a wall, be aloof, and downright rude if necessary. It looks like this 'new attitude' is the only way to protect myself and retain my sanity.

You will never guess where I've come across these people? CHURCH! That's right, CHURCH!


And unfortunately, I think I've said too much to them already.


These encounters were quite uncomfortable.


After morning Mass one day for Mom, one of the men proceeded to berate me about my future, my beliefs on marriage, and anything else he could say to upset me--all of this standing in the middle of the Church right before God. His African background and accompanying beliefs apparently differ from mine and the way I was raised. But what really gets me is two-fold: apparently, the meaning of that morning's Mass went right over his head and he does not respect other's opinions.


Then a few days later, the same man walked up to me, asked me where I worked --unfortunately I told him and he just walked away. He did not say, 'Oh, that's interesting!' He said nothing to further the conversation. He just walked away. What is up with that?!?!?!


The other man said he enjoys listening to the choir sing, especially me, and even moved up right next to us. Tho at first glance, that sounds flattering, the questions he asked at Church this weekend outright frightened me. Fortunately, another lady in choir was a witness, saw how upset I was getting and hopefully will back me up if she ever sees him again or report this to others.


It's really an awful feeling.


One place where I used to feel so safe, so secure, and in my element singing and praising God with the gift He gave me has been stolen away from me as I dread seeing these two rude men at Church now. They make me feel like I don't want to share my talents to the fullest because I feel the need to avoid them.


Quite a predicament. I know my family and friends will help protect & guide me in these situations, but hopefully, God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph and Mom will also help me and watch over me acting as my guardian angels.

The kindness of strangers

My college psychology escapes me, but I am sure there is a theory on why we tend to be kinder to strangers than those we know and love.

Today, Mom and I experienced an overwhelming outpouring of kindness and love from total strangers.

A very good friend of the family passed away. Mr. Oklessen's memorial service was this morning, amid the blustery snow storm blanketing northeast Ohio.

Mom really wanted to attend and I was singing.

The simple process of going to Mass turned out to be quite an extensive mission, which I started mapping out last evening.

We were ok, for the most part, on getting to church. A bit wet and snow covered, but successful.

After the service, we enacted our exit plan. A miracle sprung into life right before our very eyes. People we'd never met or seen before were extending their help in assisting Mom on this tedious journey through the snow.

Without even asking if we needed help, men grabbed Mom and whisked her across the street to the church hall for a luncheon the family was throwing.

Before I even knew what was happening, my friend Coach Sam, and his fellow 'guardian angels' had safely transplanted Mom from the Church to the Hall.

A true testament that there is hope in today's world.


After lunch, the very same thing happened. I had pulled the car right up to the doorway, apologizing profusely as I blocked everyone's exit for a few minutes. Before I could even get out of the car, fellow luncheon patrons had escorted Mom into the car along with her walking aid.


Mom and I were speechless, awestruck and ever so thankful to God and his 'guardian angels' down here on earth (one of which we know was Mr. Frank Oklessen!).



I guess, for me, sometimes I am more thoughtful to strangers because of these random acts of kindness that continually happen to Mom and I from virtual unknowns.


It's those I know and love who let me down...who have to be given an invitation to help us (even when the need seems so blatant to the naked eye)....and when they finally, begrudgingly assist, usually fall short of our real needs.