Can't believe this year

It's that time of year when I start crafting the family holiday Christmas letter.

I am still planning on doing one this year. So many friends, near and far, enjoy getting the family update. I hope my family will join in as well. There are some friends from afar who probably do not even know about Mom yet.

What can I say?

There have been two life-altering events for me this year.

The first one happened back in March when my car was totalled and destroyed. That was not the only thing scarred in the incident. Thankfully, I was not in the car or anywhere near it at the time of the crash. I was diligently working. The only person who really helped me get through this traumatic experience --Mom. She not only helped me get through the emotional stress but was the ONLY person that helped me financially. Heck, I had a wonderful car with no car payments that I had planned on keeping for at least 5-10 more years. I take impeccable care of my things. That hope and dream quickly flew out of the window back on March 25, 2009.

And then fast forward to October 26, 2009. That is the day my best friend left this world.

Trust me, I know that there are many grieving the death of my Mom. She was a terrific human being. She touched so many people's lives over the last 80 years, it just blows my mind.

Every person she touched, even if for a moment, she made a difference in their lives and brought a smile to their face.

It's been just over 3 weeks since Mom passed away.

I thank God for taking her the way he did. I had always imagined coming home and finding her in some awful scenario. But, as Mom always said, God is good.

God allowed us to be with her...she was aware and actually talking to us almost up until the end. She took her normal afternoon nap with I on one side holding her hand and my sister on her other side holding her hand and she just never woke up. What a wonderful way to meet your Maker.

And, being very spiritual, I know exactly where Mom is...and that is where she wants to be and what she strived toward her entire life. I am ok with the fact that Mom has passed and is with Jesus in Heaven. That's the goal we all have as Christians, as Roman Catholics.

But, I must say. Though there are hundreds grieving, I believe I am grieving the most. It's not a contest, but I was Mom's caregiver, her constant companion, and best friend. Every time we left each other or ended a phone call we'd tell each other "I love you." Actually, we'd go back and forth saying, "I love you more!."

God made the right call by giving me the privilege of being Mom's caregiver. It was an honor and a labor of love that gave me such joy.

So many have showed their respects, have prayed for my family, and have offered such nice thoughts. Many have also given advice. And though the advice is much appreciated, I believe each person is different.

Many have said, "Danielle, in time you will get over this." Well, honestly, I don't think that's totally true in this case. Mom and I did everything together. Besides my time at work, we were constant companions. Every minute of my life is now changed.

I was fortunate to attend the Fabulous Food Show this weekend. I had great seats for Michael Symon and Bobby Flay. Though Mom may have been there in spirit, she was not physically there. She would have enjoyed it so. She just loved Michael Symon and his laugh. Bobby Flay was growing on her, and after hearing how much he loves Cleveland, she would have adored him!

I thank God that he gave me the strength and peace of mind to be in charge throughout--over the last 5 years, while Mom was in the hospital, clear-headed to make the decisions during her final days, to organize and pull together her funeral week where everything was absolutely PERFECT, and a fitting send-off for a Saint.

I know that God and Mom are still with me every second of every day. It will not go away with time, as many have said, and I don't WANT the memories or thoughts of Mom to ever go away.

I am tough and have my Mom's spirit, determination, 'never give up' mentality, and pretty much EVERYTHING which is a great sign for me. If I can be half the person Mom was, I will be a true success!!!