My first wake and funeral since Mom's death

I had to go.

Somehow doing the right thing, doing what I needed to do made it ok.

I've always believed that, even when I was a little girl.

Mom would round us up and say we were going here or there. At first, sighs, looks of disappointment, or just a lack of energy and enthusiasm. But once I arrived 'wherever'--whether it be an old Aunt's home or a church function or the wake of a family member I really did not even know, I realized it WAS the right thing to do and felt satisfied and fulfilled.


The mother of one of my dearest friends just passed away after a long bout with brain cancer.

I've known Monina it seems like forever! I would see Linda every time I went to one of her family functions, birthdays, holiday open houses, or a 'just whatever' gathering.

I never even gave it a second thought whether to go or not, regardless of my continuing grief.

And, as usual, I am thankful I attended not only the wake, but Linda's funeral mass and prayers at the cemetery.


I've said this before and will believe it until I myself die.

I hope I will never say "I know how you feel. I know what you are going through."

Because I don't. And no one knows the nightmare I am living.

Amazingly enough, I learned so much from Mom's funeral. I thought I knew how to console people and the proper protocol through the entire dying, death and grieving process. And, believe it or not, I pretty much do.

However, living through this life changing event has fine-tuned every single aspect of death for me.


When I learned Monina's Mom passed away, MY Mom's training kicked into high gear--find out when the wake and funeral are...send flowers....fix a meal.....make a donation....pick out a fitting Mass card....and last but certainly not least, be there for your friend.


I stopped in at visitation on my way to work and did not put a time limit on it. God blessed me by not only being able to pay my respects to Mr. Jimenez, Monina, and Leslie but to be able to visit with two very dear friends of mine: Tommy and Mark. I keep in touch with Tommy and just love him to death. Whether he knows it or not, he's my rock. He helped bring Mom home from Dialysis on many nights and is there whenever I need him. He also is the first Christmas card I get each year which puts a kink in the whole birthday thing. He says he can not send me a Christmas card before my birthday card so winds up sending my birthday card a month early--which ALWAYS brings a huge smile to my face reminding me that someone out there really loves me and remembers me!

I had not seen Mark in ages even though we have a special "Christmas Card Exchange" each Christmas. That's all I will say to keep the tradition special.

I really do not know how Mo feels, but just going through this myself, I was not afraid to let her cry on my shoulder--because I needed that myself....I grabbed her hand and told her she will get through this because I believe she will. I now have first hand knowledge of what helped me get through and maybe, just maybe, those gestures will help others. We ARE going through similar events, which I am sure will only solidify our friendship.

Monina told me 'I can't believe I am saying this but thank God for Brittany Spears and Miley Cyrus. They are the only two artists I can listen to without bursting into tears.'

On this instance, I can say --I know what you are talking about! The ride from the funeral home to our church on the day of Mom's funeral, I listened to our favorite channel, Siriusly Sinatra, for the first half of the trip and was reminded of something special between Mom and I plucked from every single song. Then I switched to my favorite channel, the Springsteen station. Mom played one of my favorite songs, "Jungleland." It was kind of eerie actually that not only one of my faves popped up in a play list of thousands, but it was timed out perfectly. The minute I pulled up in front of church behind the hearse, Bruce sang the famous ending to "Jungleland." Now, every time I hear that song, I burst into tears.


I finally realize why it is so important to sign the guest book, legibly, with complete details. After writing nearly 250 thank you notes, it really helped having the information together in one place.


There were so many other things I have learned over the last 47+ days, hopefully things that will help me grow and cope as well as console and teach others as we all try to survive in this thing we call 'life.'


Linda's mass sent me back to Mom's Mass, where it was quite fuzzy though lovely. I planned the whole thing and I believe it was perfect. However, I also sang Mom's entire funeral and because of that, I could not lay the pall on Mom's casket (my sister and aunt did that) and I was so focused on the music, it was all I could do to not start shaking or break down. I'm sure if I had not been singing my recollection of Mom's Mass would be a bit different from actually being in the congregation.


Since Mom was cremated, we never went to a cemetery, which seems kind of weird now as I waited in line to head to Holy Cross.


As I was following the caravan of what had to be over 30 cars making their way to the cemetery, I realized it's not always good being first--I learned this on the day of Mom's funeral as I was the lead car after the hearse traveling from the funeral home to the church. And unfortunately, my dear dear friend is learning this same lesson today.

I love you Monina.