The final home game of the 2010 season

I can honestly say in convincing fashion, I am not bad luck for 'my' Cleveland Indians!

For a fleeting moment, I thought I was....but after attending the last 7 games in a row and winning the last 6, I'm off the hook!

What a ride! What a whirlwind!

The last week has been surreal with a number of '1sts,' memorable moments, emotional events on and off the field, and downright fun!

Spending the 1st part of my week off with my best friend started the ball rolling.

And all week with 'my' Cleveland Indians --pinch me!

Mom IS channeling through me as each day goes by and I get even more love for the Tribe, skyrocketing interest which I never knew was possible, and such joy from watching them day in and day out.

However, the season is winding down and that sadness approaches.

I know I have one more month of baseball --and it should prove to be the most exciting baseball of the season, but 'my' Indians will not be part of it.

This is the time of the year when I don't get too down because I know once the World Series ends, we have the holidays, and then January to catch up and get everything done before Spring Training revs up. Yes, I said it. January is my 'get into gear baby' because pitchers and catchers report mid February! Whew hoo!

Fitting and wild that the final home game turned into a traditional double header.

The weather was beautiful --no coat, nothing needed!

I hit both games my friends and they were magnificent.

I've seen a bunch of firsts this week including Luke Carlin's 1st homer as an Indian and Vinnie Pestano's 1st MLB save.

But toward the middle of the 2nd game, it all started hitting me. I went through this entire season without Mom physically sitting next to me, though I know she was there.

I so miss her expertise on the game, her love of this national pastime, her pride in Cleveland and her Cleveland Indians, and the 'queen' of Jacob's Field.

I've worn her baseball jacket all week. I have not needed it until now and it was perfect.

I could not get through this night without shedding many tears.

As I glanced around the ballpark and realized that this IS my home away from home with so many memories throughout my entire lifetime....I would have a huge void in my life without baseball and 'my' Cleveland Indians.

I was surrounded by friends. At the beginning of the 2nd game, I ran into a family I'd known almost my entire life and ironically they were just one row over from me.

Even people I did not know --being in the ballpark for the last 6-7 hours, we all bonded.

My usher, Bob and his wife were on hand.

And true fans who just loved the game of baseball and could not pass up seeing the final game, though there was nothing at stake!

Even better, when the Tribe did something extraordinary, I got a text from a great friend of mine, Marc, who shares my love of the game. He made me laugh so many times during the game when I really felt like crying.

At the final out, the flood gates opened.

Everything that had built up over the last 162 games and the last 11 months since Mom has been gone came out in full force and I could not stop crying. The Indians won. It was an exciting season for the true fan. I went through the entire season Mom-less. I would miss my guys over the next 4 months....and so many other thoughts and emotions were slamming together.

Karen, my usher's wife, saw my disposition and ran down to give me a huge hug.

THAT my friends is how lucky Mom and I have been over the years. Baseball, win or lose, has only had positive effects on our lives, has given us very good friends, and has allowed us to make countless memories for the rest of our lives.

I really lost it when the entire team ran out with bags of signed baseballs and started tossing them to the fans who went the distance with them....waving....signing autographs.

Chris Perez, who just had a little baby, closed out the final game. He was the post game interview guest.

After his interview, he got his bag of autographed baseballs, and passed them out to the fans. He was the lone player left on the field yet so appreciative of the fans thanking HIM for a great year that he signed autographs for countless fans until they started turning the ballpark lights out.

I finally had to tear myself away from the ballpark knowing that soon enough, I'd be back, and so would my guardian angel.

Emotional rollercoaster

Every body's unique personality makes for an interesting world and exciting life.

Emotions encompass a huge part of that personality.

Some folks lack emotion, others ARE but don't show it, and then some constantly ride that emotional roller coaster....while others let their emotions motivate them to strive for perfection or carry out a tough task.

Each individual has a different way of harnessing their emotions. Some handle them well while others let their emotions run roughshod.

When we are required to do something that may frighten us, the emotional spurt of adrenalin propels us to carry out the action. I've heard many true stories about how someone picked up a car off an injured person or did something 'super human' because of that extra burst.

If we are just relaxing watching a movie, sometimes our emotions get the best of us, depending on the nature of that movie.


Well, depending on the day, the situation, if things are going well or if one is having a rocky day may dictate the mood. Every day is different and sometimes one really has no control.

Usually I am in a great mood. My emotions are in check unless something really goes haywire in an overly stressed situation and I feel helpless. Half the time I don't even remember how I felt a week ago. That moment is gone and have moved on to bigger and better things.

But, I was able to document a very specific, emotional roller coaster in my life recently.

One week ago, my emotions were out of control.

It was not just one incident, but at least a half-dozen or more different feelings causing havoc. Again, normally I don't recount specifics down to the second, but this particular event will linger in my memory for a while.

I could not stop crying during the 11am Mass. I tried masking it. I tried stopping. I could not do either. The flood gates were open. Now, there were a number of mitigating factors. My best friend, who had been in town, was leaving. Right after Mass, in fact, I had to drive him to the airport. But we go through this twice a year, and honestly, I usually don't cry. It's all part of life. Someone visits and you know they must leave.

The other main factor, which is stupid and juvenile, was that I really did not sing much at Mass. I could not attend practice, and it seems whenever that happens, I'm 'benched' so to speak. Again, that usually does not bother me. But last Sunday, it really had an impact on my psyche.

Factor in the words in many of the songs being sung, with my friend leaving realizing I would be alone again with no real true friends to hang out with or do fun stuff with (who are not married with children), not reaching my weight-loss goal in time for Craig's visit, not accomplishing everything around the house in time for Craig's visit, having to go back to reality after a week of 'out of the ordinary fun,' Mom, and so many other concerns/responsibilities that are constantly on my shoulders, and my shoulders alone.

I thought I had camouflaged the tears but after Mass, a wonderfully nice choir member came up to me to ask me how I was doing. I really did not want the flood gates to open and unload everything on her but just knowing that she cared seemed to ease the pain just a little.


Fast forward to today at the 11am Mass. Total turnaround. Fine. Normal. In fact, better than normal, in great voice, singing many songs, orchestrating the coffee social after Mass and just enjoying the beautiful 1st day of Summer with Mom!

If you would have asked me what triggered last Sunday, how I 'snapped out of it' and see the about face, there is absolutely no rhyme or reason EXCEPT that pesky emotional roller coaster that lives within each and every one of us!