Top o' the town!

This weekend has been just tip-top!

Probably should not admit this, but Saturday night I had absolutely no plans.

You could look at that as 'what a loser.' You could say, 'finally!' You could say, 'Why didn't you do something constructive and begin cleaning the tip of the iceberg?'

Yes, I wanted to be out with friends but got no invites.

Yes, I wanted to stop by and see my friend who deejays but figured he'd be too busy for me and yes, I did not wanna be a wallflower.

So, I relaxed! I watched the New York Yankee -Tampa Bay Ray Game to see if A-ROD reached his quest for 600.

I chatted with my best friend Craig for a little while as he drove over to 'his' best friend's house in TPA...

Quite bittersweet. Nice not to have to do or go anywhere but.....

Sunday quite the adventure. My usual singing at Mass.....then straight to the Terminal Tower for the final day folks can pop up on the observation deck and see the great city which we live.

Rude awakening as the wait was at least 2 hours. Ya know, I have nothing until 4 so I waited. When dealt lemons, make lemonade. A wonderful opportunity for me to go through all of my prayers which I had gotten away from saying as I enjoyed the sights and sounds of downtown Cleveland.

It was an amazing afternoon waiting with hundreds of others, see how we all passed the time, and get so excited as we entered the elevator to go up, up, and away!

And when I got to the top, the elevator doors opened and there he was--a former co-worker of mine. Jeremy!

And then the view from the top--took my breath away. Cleveland is truly a beautiful city regardless of what some nay-sayers squawk.

Definitely worth the 2 hour plus wait.

Now off to my next adventure --my sister's open house with family and friends.....quite a great night spending quality time with so many special people.

One of the highlights --the kids (not really kids anymore) tossing the basketball around in the backyard. Doesn't take much to make me happy. I'm just sooooo ecstatic that we were all together.

I just LOVE my life!

Jan's moving day

Totally enjoyable!

We had a great group of people gathered to help my sister move to her new digs.

She lived on the 3rd floor and I made a vow to get the most out of this adventure by carrying things up and down the steps to get my daily workout.

Exhilarating!

At first, quite a daunting task but as time went by, could not believe how we got it all in order and successfully moved an entire apartment from point A to point B.

If there is one thing I can say about my family (and there are so many things), we have fun with everything we do. We are quite blessed. Even in the act of moving chairs and drawers and knick knacks, we have a blast!

How could you not? If you love life, you love life all the time!

It was time consuming on such a hot, humid day. But at the end of the day, complete satisfaction.

We had one shopping cart, about a dozen people, and many muscles!

The heavy items went into the shopping cart down the elevator and the rest of us carted boxes and odds and ends weirdly shaped up and down the stairs.

I had a blast.

One of my favorite moments was when my youngest niece's boyfriend got a glimpse of my sister's private articles of clothing in one of the open drawers --not uncomfortable, rather comical!

Another great outlet was tossing things into the dumpster. Ok, not tossing, but slamming unwanted articles such as a small tv, a cabinet, and a few other things into the dumpster to let off a little steam.

Then helping get her settled into her new place as best we can was exciting....though that will take longer as she figures out where she wants what....but still, it was nice seeing her joy and celebrating this great accomplishment with her.

At the end of the day, exhausted yet energized knowing it was a good day! The first day of the rest of my sister's life, hopefully surrounded by love, family, good friends, nice neighbors and the start of many new memories!

I'm not just sitting around eating bon bons!

I think of myself as an extremely smart, ambitious, talented, fun-loving individual who has many interests, excels in problem solving, has impeccable organizational skills and so much more --who always pulls everything together so it works out just perfectly!

All great gifts given to me by God above--which I realize, thank Him for on a daily basis, and try to use so when I get to the pearly gates, he does not ask me 'WHY didn't you use the gifts I gave you?'

That said--I am smart enough to know that I am grieving the death of my Mother. And I am even smarter to know I should not fight it or be embarrassed about it--and others should be respectful of me and my grieving process!


I know Mom died. Trust me. I know this happens to everyone and we all must press onward! I've pressed onward many times in my life:

• when my Father abandoned us when I was a baby
• when Mom had a heart attack
• when my best friend's Mother died while we were in grade school
• when my Uncle was very ill and living with us
• when I heard an accident on the scanners which later I learned involved my Uncle & wound up taking his life
• when I was struck by a drunk driver who totalled my first car & got nothing
• when my Uncle was murdered though his wife covered it up
• when my dog passed away in my arms
• when my second car was totalled in my work parking garage & no one did anything to help
• when Mom got sick....and ultimately met her maker
• Oh the list is endless

Words stated to me verbally and in print over the last few days show that there are people who still don't get it, get me or ever got Mom.

There are actually people who think I am focusing on what I lost rather than what I have.


Holy Shit. What a crock! Yes, I swore.

1st off, I don't have time to focus on what I lost --I need to focus on the here and now as I am up to my ears in trying to straighten out Mom's business...it's a pain in the ass and something that no one else can do since no one else ever took a vested interest in Mom.


God has given me countless gifts and the best gift that He gave me WAS Mom and the labor of love of taking care of her. I would not exchange this gift for anything. I promised Mom many years ago that she would never live alone or in a nursing home. I would never abandon her. And I meant it. And I guess since I made that proclamation, it allowed everyone else in our lives to move on with their lives so many years ago, move out, and say sayonara over 5 years ago! God love them!

With this gift God gave me came responsibilities not given to anyone else, extra hardships no one else ever experienced, and so many challenges never imagined even after she passed--tedious and time consuming duties which no one else can even fathom.


I took care of Mom. And no one should ever criticize me or my grieving process. I thank God that Mom died before me because no one else really knew how to take care of her:

• her medicines, why she took them and when she had to take them
• her doctors, what each of them did, where they were, keeping her appts straight
• what food she was really supposed to eat and not eat
• how she liked her hot cereal--she'd complain anytime anyone else made it but me
• her lemonade with splenda
• taking her pills with applesauce rather than water
• how she had to be the leader when she walked and walking at HER pace rather than pulling her --like some did
• knowing her favorite nightgown
• which socks fit with certain shoes
• her favorite tv shows
• how she needed her favorite letter opener when opening the mail
• knowing she liked taking 2 clementines and 3 bags of cookies to dialysis
• making sure she had puffs in every pocket of every jacket at all times
• remind her to take her food pills after meals, especially if we were out
• taking her on numerous trips --no way in hell anyone else in our life would have even attempted to do this!
• The list is endless what I did for Mom --99% of the stuff people didn't even know.

So, I am ok with grieving the death of my Mom because she was my life and I was her life. The problem is not me --it's others who STILL are not respecting my thoughts, my feelings, my needs, my wants, and are STILL telling me how to feel and what to do!

The suggestions are flowing like beer at an Irish wake. People are telling me to move, to buy a house, where to move, to start living my own life, to take care of myself, to live it up, to save my money, to spend my money, to buy new clothes, to not buy new clothes, to spend time with my friends, to not spend time with my friends so I can take time for me, to get married, to stay single.....are you really gonna let me live my life or continue bossing me around?

For the record: My Mother died. That was traumatic enough for now. Though it is no one's business, I lost 50% of my monthy income. I know, some of you out there are jobless and homeless so you definitely are not empathizing with me. However, for me, at this time in my life, it may be very hard for me to buy a house let alone even move at this moment. For me personally, I can not take any more big upheavals in my life right now. I will go off the deep end.

For those of you who REALLY care for me--what I REALLY want is:

• to wrap up once and for all Mom's business affairs
• to get my affairs in order should I die so my current nightmare does not one day become someone else's
• to FIRST & FOREMOST work out every single day
• to not have to worry about my living conditions/location at this juncture
• to be able to pay off my credit cards
• to sock away some money since I took such a money hit with Mom's death
• to be able to focus on me since I've neglected myself for over 10 years
• again, to be able to get up in the morning and work out EVERY DAY, work out --what's that?
• to lose all the weight that I need to lose
• to get my head, my heart, my mind, my emotions, and my physical body stabilized before I make anymore moves
• And to have the freedom to grieve my Mom's death if necessary without being ostracized for doing so

Know that I don't sit around eating bon bons all day grieving!

I live and I am on the go and I talk to Mom & thank God every minute of every day for what he has and continues giving me.

I guess those nay-sayers have never really loved someone. Those people telling me to move on and get over it have cold ice in their veins.

I see a bird fly by and remember how Mom marveled at the tiny miracle made by God.

I hear Michael Symon's laugh and recall Mom saying time and time again how she loved his laugh (which I told him to his face by the way!).

I see Dave Duncan in the dug out on tv and remember how Mom wrote a letter to Bob DiBiasio of the Indians asking if he could get some Cleveland Indians' to send her daughter sweet 16 birthday cards --and I got dozens of them, including Dave Duncan!

I sit and watch one of MY favorite shows, the Golden Girls, and at times do get teary eyed because I see the relationship Dorothy has with Sophia and it conjures up so many wonderful memories.

Or I sing a line at Mass which reminds me of Mom so I tear up.

Or my friend Louie tells me "I love you more" which Mom would say to me all the time!

I have moved forward and love life and living life. I have accomplished so much since October 26th. No one else I know could have done what I have done! I am tooting my own horn. I am one in a million and impressive! I know we can not always get what we want! Things can not always be orchestrated to suit our needs. I'm sure in the near future there will be many, many more challenges and bumps in the road and even disasters where I feel I can not go on or I have no where to turn. I have God. I thank God profusely for giving me feelings and memories and allowing me to be a kind and caring person who actually has emotions. And yes, sometimes having emotions and feelings gets the best of me --especially since my Mother died less than 4 months ago.

But I'd rather have emotions and cry and feel sad and happy and a rainbow of feelings every single day of my life than have ice running through my veins!

48 hours of Vitamin D

It was only 48 hours but the re-charging I may have needed. Or was it?

I consider myself to be on the cutting edge, adventurous, semi-spontaneous (as much as can be with MAJOR responsibilities) and a 'fun-loving lover of life.'

I'm proud of the reception I received when I called my best friend a while ago.

I initially emailed him not knowing that his computer has been on the fritz and he has not been reading any of the email I've sent pretty much since he left Ohio. (In some ways that's a good thing!!!)

Hearing his reaction to my initial 'fishing around,' I asked him --"Do you think there are any tickets left for the Tribe-Rays games?

At first, speechless (which is not his MO). Next, he slowly and confusedly asked, "Why? Are you planning on coming down?" And I answered, "Yes, I am."

Yet again, speechless.

I felt like I had really pulled a fast one on him, which is impossible to do.

He asked if I had gotten my ticket yet, which I had, which silenced him one last time.

Honestly, I did not believe it would happen. I was sure something would come up causing me to cancel the trip--Mom not feeling well, a development at work, any number of items to rain on my parade.

I had many tasks to complete before I could fly the friendly skies. I did not accomplish as much as I would have liked BUT more than I realistically thought I would conquer.

Being 'Miss Organized,' I had to orchestrate every movement, every action. Make sure all my ducks were in a row back here in Cleveland and then I had every minute planned out on the road.

Finally, time to depart. Things were going too well. Eerie feeling came over me.

True story: Knowing we are huge baseball fans, an acquaintance I see each Monday, Wednesday and Friday asked who the Tribe was playing? I said, "The Rays, in fact I am on my way to the game right now." They looked at me like I had gone off the deep end and could not believe I was jetting off to see my Tribe!

But, amazingly, everything went off without a hitch. I arrived early and had the most glorious 48 hours with my dearest friend in the world. How could I not enjoy my mini-vacation away from reality, responsibility and cool temperatures?!?!?!

Well, upon arriving in FLA --a little rocky as my purse spilled all over and I went fishing for lipstick, cell phone, lip gloss, keys.....I totally lost my lipstick lid which I still can't figure out since I was in the ladies room and there is only so much room in there?!?! There are huge signs saying 'do not leave your luggage unattended.' Well, I am crawling all over the restroom floor trying to gather my belongings --leaving my luggage unattended and thinking someone is going to think I am a nut looking under stalls! Great start, huh!!! Then because of my purse mishap, I missed the first shuttle tram. I'm thinking: D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R! It did get better from here on in.

The minute I arrived it was off to the Indians' Game.....with Mark DeRosa and Evan Longoria! Heaven! An Indians' Game in 92 degree temperatures! Double heaven!! I nice cool Bacardi-Diet Coke with ball park food! Tri-fecta!!!

Another true story: I was enjoying the company, the ambiance, the moment when I checked my phone and had 4 text messages. That's unheard of! Turns out, I had just been on TV and Matt Underwood and Rick Manning were talking about me on the air. Oblivious! The magic of cameras not right in your face. Apparently, Matt, who I had worked with, was telling everyone what I do and who I was....as I am taking pictures galore of my boys! Now, if that does not beat all and make a most memorable remembrance of this trip, nothing will!!!

(Sidebar --Ironically, while writing this at 339am in the morning, I am rousted. Duty calls and I must go help a family member in need. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE tending to family and friends. However, being away for 48 hours was free of interruptions such as these and totally necessary. It's too bad they only happen every 4 and 1/2 years & the only way I can get a little freedom and peace of mind back is totally leaving the state!!!)

I won't go into details of my fabulous weekend. A little mystery is good for the soul. Suffice it to say, Indians/warmth/good company/good seafood/sun/cocktails galore /jamming to really good tunes /not having to drive /not having to be in charge /not having to make any decisions /not having to wake up with an alarm clock or the beck & call of family members /laying by the pool /the list is endless.........

I really tried to enjoy every single second because Billy Joel told me --"it's just a fantasy, it's not the real thing, but sometimes a fantasy is all you need."

I knew before I knew it, I'd be back in reality and my 48 hours of Vitamin D would appear like a dream, a fantasy.

I did enjoy every single second. I knew it would soon come to an end but if I was lucky, I would try very hard to let the memories linger and incorporate, if possible, a little 'fantasy' into my every day life.

It re-charged me for the moment. Was it enough. Heck no. But, back to reality and but quick!

The freedom may be gone for another 4 and 1/2 years but I will cherish those memories forever!

No matter how many responsibilities we carry on our shoulders, no matter how alone we feel each and every day, God is carrying us during our toughest times. And, it's ok to dream. It's healthy to savor endearing moments and memories. And frankly, having the blessed life I have, I continue to make new memories each and every day. I still try to enjoy every single second, because it could be snatched in a heart beat.

She is Royalty!

Mom is amazing! Everyone loves her. I know I have said this before and will say it everyday until I die, but it's worth repeating!

One good thing that has happened during my vacation is that Mom has felt up to going to all of the Indians' games (knock on wood!)....it's always a challenge but we manage.

A few nights ago we were in our seats and saw the grounds crew scampering. That is always a sign that within 15 to 30 minutes the skies will open. While we were planning our attack and escape out of the impending rain, our favorite usher, Laurie, popped over and told us that word has it the rain will hit at 915pm. She wanted to help get Mom to dryer ground. WOW! What an amazing gesture, coming from an acquaintance! So we grabbed our stuff and Laurie helped get us quickly up the stairs just under the overhang, where we sat for the rest of the game!

I'm awe-struck every day how folks (complete strangers and acqaintances) are drawn to Mom and just love her. I am invisible and think they may not be as nice if Mom were not there, but who knows...maybe Mom's charm is rubbing off on me too!


Then last night, the rains came as we were entering the ballpark. We did not have Terrace Club reservations but went up there to stay dry. As soon as we entered, the hostess jotted down our names for the standby list. For not having reservations, we got a MARVELOUS table for the entire game. Each server comes by to Mom and says hello. One darling server, Kyle, just adores Mom. He brought something out to us yesterday and said "my favorite customers!"

Mom spends time in the Terrace Club and friends know that. MaryJo the manager told Mom that Lydia Esparra had been up the night before nosing around for Mom. How funny is that!


And, though it was a kind of harrowing day yesterday, it ended nicely. First off, Cliff Lee pitched a gem of a game....All-Star caliber! Omar played his normal top notch performance....having Duane Kuiper in the yard was tremendous as well. He is also salt of the earth! A wonderful dinner at the Terrace Club topped off with their Raspberry Flan Dessert. And as we went to leave, Mom needed a little assistance. Who should come to help us than a long, lost friend, who Mom had not seen in years. Michael just started with the Indians over the last few days and was just as surprised as overjoyed to see her! Again, the love was overflowing and everpresent.

That's just the way this woman is --she IS 'royalty!'

'I felt so good like anything was possible'

Just what the doctor ordered! What a fabulous night!


I missed it! I did not realize how MUCH I missed it until I was living it again and 'runnin' down a dream!'


First, going to see an act that I really wanted to hear...Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers! Gearing up for a great night ahead!


Then just hanging out with friends, special friends who are there through thick and thin.


And something that NEVER happens...my friend actually drove. I am always the one schlepping people around. I honestly did not know how it felt to have the night off from driving. To have someone pick me up at my house and drop me off at the end of the night. I kinda liked it! It was great just enjoying the scenery, jamming to Petty all the way!


I was the 'GPS' since Yak is not from here and had never been to Blossom. In fact, every step of the way I was giving a little tour of our great city...not as good a tour guide as Flynn, but Flynn knows everyone and every inch of this city!


The whole phenomena of seeing an event through the eyes of someone who has never experienced something is a blast! Seeing my friend's reaction to the "Blossom Experience" made the concert and everything surrounding it even heartier!


Now, tradition has it, before a concert at Blossom: FISHER'S!


So a group of us all met up at Fisher's for pre-concert cocktails...and 2 of my dearest friends shared some great news that they are expecting again! Their 4th child! We are all keeping our fingers crossed for a little girl in their world of three boys!


Now more than ever, we all had to celebrate!

Nothing like being out in the open air, enjoying the company of good friends, drinking a corona with lemon and just taking it all in!

I warned Yak, he was gonna be baptized into the whole "Blossom scene" with the drive from Fisher's to the venue. And unfortunately, I was right! What normally takes about 20 minutes, 30 minutes tops took us almost an hour! The traffic was horrendous BUT true Blossom traffic, especially for a sold out show! So we continued to jam to Petty, the Beatles, and back to Petty as we made our way up the winding road.

Oh to be young again....seeing the young kids dashing out of their cars while we were at a standstill and peeing in the woods.....I remember it well, unfortunately!

I guess some things NEVER change! Every car you drove by had Petty blaring out of the speakers....

Finally, we made it into the venue. Fortunately, we had a parking pass so we were kinda close. Parked our car, and tried to catch WHERE we were (will get back to that later!).

I'm just soaking it all in. I can not verbalize the wonderful feeling of going to a rock and roll concert at Blossom Music Center with good friends!

First order of business, rain and all, hitting the restrooms on the way down. We did our business and then made our trek down the huge Blossom Hill. As you enter, there were signs "no mud sliding." That just about says it all. The day's rain covered the entire lawn and it was as slick as a sheet of ice....trust me I know....I have mud all over my black flip flops and almost wiped out a few times!

But, what a rush! I loved people-watching and seeing the vast range of the crowd. I think of myself as fairly young and hip still...had people my age but the amazing thing was the large group of really young kids--late teens into early twenties for Petty. And these girls had little summer strapless frocks on with their flip flops! I loved it!

Two things that really took me back to my college days: the smell of Marlboro Lights 100's which emanated from various lawn locations and the line of 10 guys strategically standing in a line on the outskirts of the wooded area all taking a pee at the very same time....what a hoot!

Once inside the pavilion, the concert is about to start. Unfortunately, our traffic melee made us miss most of Steve Winwood.....

We grabbed our brews and continued to dance the night away for the next two hours! At least I know I still have it. Stood the entire time dancing and never felt better! Just an AMAZING SHOW! Oh man, I just love the acts who sound like their records when performing LIVE...and Petty sounds better than ever! The night went to quickly! Next thing I know he's playing my favorite song 'American girl' as the last song of the night.

After the concert, again, some things never change. The mass exodus up the hill and folks start 'mooing!'

We made our way to the parking lot where we 'thought' we parked. Now mind you, Yak is not familiar at all with this venue so it is all on me. We searched high and low. My phone, which is on it's last legs, was about to die but I ventured on my own to an area where I thought the car was and voila, a sight for sore eyes! I called Yak and just as I had weaved him over to where I was, my phone conked out! It's all good!

Lesson learned: Oh there were many during this amazing experience...but it made me realize that I am not yet old....I still have a lot of living and zest for life inside of me....and hopefully, I always will!

Jumping through hoops

This has been ten days of jumping through hoops for rampant idiocy. Raise your glasses. A toast to you all!


To nurses and major chain pharmacies who do not have on record the pain medication they prescribed even though you are holding the prescription bottle in your hot little hand.

To medical personnel who argue with you about how you are feeling.

To office assistants who do not give messages to the doctor.

To doctors who do not call with x-ray results. If they are clear, then why the throbbing pain?

To technicians who tell you dialysis went well and the next day getting a call that there IS a problem.

To more nurses who tell you, 'you’re not on the surgical procedure list' even though your Doctor told you to report to the hospital.

To ‘Breakstone’s Cottage Doubles’ for making it a single and forgetting to put the apple-cinnamon fruit in the container.

To Joe Borowski --what is there to say? You should have told Wedge and the gang you weren’t yourself before making the team hydroplane out of control.

To CC Sabathia --we’re glad you snapped out of it!

To LeBron James --the Alaskan folks are disappointed they could not spend time with you...at least they did not see you lose to the Wizards by 30+ in person.

To contractors who do a good job yet break the sink plug and forget to put the banister back up.

To folks who ‘think’ they can sing, but they can’t. To other folks who compliment the people who ‘think’ they can sing when they shouldn’t.

To folks using ‘things’ and not putting them back where they belong.

To those who think I love cleaning up caked-on cheese and egg in the sink.

To employees from all walks of life in every profession who do not 'appear' to do their job and may even get high praise for 'not' doing their job yet never 'appear' to get reprimanded--you know who you are!!!!!!

To those out there who use crude language, offensive gestures, tell off-color jokes, swear, and use pugnacious tones without giving it a second thought....oblivious of how offensive and hurtful.

To starting world war three for nicely asking a co-worker to try to get to work on time.

To the topsy turvy world we live in where someone can actually fabricate a story, blind everyone by young and innocent 'calculating' sweet talk, unjustly accuse the innocent, and get away with it...because it’s a world gone mad. Oh the beauty of it all! Hopefully, the strong will survive and will get the last laugh all the way to the bank…..Cha-Ching!


Well, if this week has not jaded us, nothing will. And IT HAS NOT!! Because frankly, I LOVE and am IN LOVE with life. I am still alive. Mother is still alive. It is Spring. It was 84 degrees today! Baseball Season is back. The Indians beat the Yankees. The Cavs are still in this thing. I fit into my old jeans. I have good friends. The Pope visited the US. And if I can’t count on anyone or anything else, I can always count on God, my religion and myself! Cheers!