I am the first person who says 'don't rush life' and 'savor every single second.'
I mean it, except for January 2011. Oh, it had some great moments, trust me. Actually had lots of wonderful moments! I guess I am being melodramatic. No, not me!
And the old addage, be careful what you wish for could come into play. Only God knows what's in store for the rest of 2011. Maybe it will be 10x worse than January? Or maybe a wonderful fantasy?
Thankfully my sister is feeling much better. That's a win.
I can definitely tell that I am a woman in her 'blankety blank' by the crazy happenings going on...and that's ok too. Keeps me on my toes...
Then there were not so memorable moments....and we all go through them. What keeps me strong is that Mom experienced every challenge tossed my way during this still young year. She survived. In fact she triumphed. The bad news is I don't have Mom in person to help me solve these problems. She was my rock, my savior. I just have to pray more to read the signs God may be sending. God (and Mom) will surely guide me.
The irony of it all. Two situations arose having complete opposite reactions.
The first one reminds me of the line from 'Broadcast News.' William Hurt says something like, "I feel bad that I don't feel worse."
Well, someone from my far away past who withdrew himself a long time ago revealed that he is ill and has cancer.
Honestly, I felt bad that I did not feel worse. Heck, I felt bad that I felt absolutely NOTHING. I felt sorry for him because you never want anyone to be sick. And then a little anger bubbled up that he's only brought grief into my life, and now, the possibility of passing on a deadly disease. Moving on. Went back to feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing.
The other situation evokes more emotion than I ever imagined. I have a friend who helped me immensely after Mom passed away. I thought we'd be forever friends. It seems that friendship has stalled. But I really don't know. It could be a misunderstanding on my part as I often jump to conclusions. I feel helpless and just want to scream at the top of my lungs to get it back. I'd love to be able to reach him and see where we stand. It really means a lot to me.
Only God knows what will happen....being a finite human being, I really hope he brings my friend back to me. But I wonder, maybe God put him into my life for that small stretch to get me through. I'm very selfish. I want it all and want it forever! Again, must keep the faith and see where God takes me.
Thankfully, I had a dental appointment this week. My dental hygienist, who is also a friend, had no idea what she was in for when she asked that common question, "how are you doing?" She's a gem as she doubles as my therapist! Thank you Fran!
As you can see, I'm just glad January is over hoping that February through December brings so many more blessings than demons.
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