Out with the bad (sick), in with the good (healthy)

What a whirlwind week between Christmas and the New Year....the lack of sleep and non-stop singing caught up with me as I was down for the count the day after Christmas.

Thank goodness the choir was given the day off because I was voice-less. I'm sure there were many people raising their glasses that I was speechless for a few days (ha ha).

I was very blessed in 2010 with my health. Never missed a day of work and felt pretty good all year long.

The sun and vitamin D can do wonders.....well, my tan has started fading and the tricks Mother Nature is now playing on this woman's body....apparently she's a jokester!

I felt guilty not attending Mass at all even though I'd just sung 4 of them....so I bundled up and attended Mass...went home, took the meds and slept all day long, getting up occasionally for fluids and food.

It's truly amazing what medicine and sleep can do. In just 24 hours, I felt 50 percent better.....made a vow to ride out the cold and hopefully begin the new year healthier. Out with the bad, in with the new.

My sister was not as lucky. She wound up in the hospital on New Year's eve having an emergency appendectomy. Oh my gosh. The joke, though it's never been a real joke, was that there was always someone in the hospital at the holidays and special occiasions when Mom and Uncle Bill were alive. I told you, it's not a joke but a characteristic in my family. And it seems my sister is keeping that tradition alive.

I'm just praying she too is getting the illness out in the old year and will be happy and healthy come 2011!!

Happy New Year everyone! May you and yours be healthy, happy, blessed with lots of joy and serendipities while constantly enveloped by the overwhelming love of family and friends!

Prettiest church in the diocese, especially at Christmas

I'm partial and quite one-sided when it comes to which church is the prettiest in the city. Hands down, Our Lady of Peace!

Not only are the aesthetics phenomenal, coupled with the Christmas decorations, but add in the heart and soul of the parishioners, and you gain perfection!

Though I had a hard time getting the Christmas spirit this year, it all came together in the end.


I'm not going to lie. Not having Mom or Uncle Bill is horrendous. It's not getting easier, only harder for me.


But this was always our favorite time of the year (still is for me), and by golly, I'm never ever going to let it pass without realizing what the season means and enjoying it to its full extent.


There were many miracles from Heaven this season, especially last week. I still had no tree....and 2 very good friends surprised me by leaving a tree in my front vestibule while I was at work. Shocked. Amazed. Felt like I was in some movie not believing the generosity of their hearts and what they had done for me.

Then my Aunt and Sister put the lights on the tree the following night....


From that moment, the season kicked into high gear and the Christmas Cheer meter was on the rise.





I was a baking fiend cooking dozens and dozens of cookies non-stop for a week. I made our traditional butter balls, pizelles, and gucci daddi's (I honestly have no idea how to spell it, but they are my favorites!).





Many years ago I wrote a poem on how people should act as if everyday is Christmas. I still believe that. Mom, too, was a firm believer in that philosophy which is why we kept a few Christmas knick knacks (the kneeling Santa, a small nativity scene, etc.) out year round.


This year's Christmas letter is the only thing that will be late. I don't know when I will have the time to finish it, but I WILL complete it and will eventually send it out, even if it's actually a New Year's or Valentine's letter!

We kept up all of our traditions including St. Nick, Chrismas Eve at my house, attending Mass together (well, I'm at all of them singing)....spending Christmas all together.....and remembering the reason for the season and enjoying it to the max!

A very merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours!

Let the partying commence for the next 365 days!

Celebrating special occasions comes naturally for me. I welcome any chance to celebrate life, family, and friends! Life is too short to wallow in our self pity or sorrows for too long.

I get my zest for living and knack for party planning from my Mother. Boy do I love her and miss her so. However, for the last 2 birthdays since she's been gone, I've noticed her presence this time of year still making my day special and the holidays turn out just right. I know she is still looking out for all of us down here. I would not still be here were it not for her.

My birthday celebrations began a week before my actual date of birth and continue ....hopefully until I turn the page once again....

I heard from so many wonderful people I'd not heard from in a while, including family and friends and former co-workers.

Let me tell you, Facebook sure pumps up your self esteem on certain occasions. Thank you fb.

Ironically, I re-connected with an old friend the day before my birthday and he has so boosted my spirits. I'm sure he has absolutely no idea how happy he makes me, but it's true!

The day before my birthday I felt like the super model who never got asked to her prom because everyone assumed she had a date. I had no plans except a family dinner on said date.

Once my friends realized I was just sitting at home alone, the email, texts and even phone calls started coming in inviting me to a local neighborhood joint where everyone had gathered, minus the birthday girl.

I had a wonderful time soaking in all the love, laughter, and liveliness.

My family birthday dinner rocked the casbah. Auntie cooked up homemade stuffed cabbage, stuffed peppers, capped off with chocolate cake! My family and dearest friends were on hand (including 'the girls') to help me ease into the next year of my life, which will be THE best year of my life!!!

Vacation ends with a bing, bang, boom, batterhorn

I have no idea how I do it but usually my vacations feel as if they lasted triple the actuality.

This one did not disappoint.

My vacation ended on a bing, bang, boom, batterhorn.

I hit Progressive Field's SnowDays. Amazing how the Indians transformed 'Jacob's Field' into a winter wonderland consisting of a huge tubing range from the scoreboard down to the infield...the Frozen Mile Skating Rink....a snow fight mound.....blazing fire area to stay warm.....and so much more!

I would have loved to have gone with that special someone or even my nieces and nephew but it was still ok.

I was in my own little dreamland, fairytale surrounded by 'holiday spirit' to finally begin my transformation into the holiday season.

Where else can you skate for hours, which I did, while watching scenes from your favorite Christmas movies or pretend you are in a Danny Kaye-Bing Crosby movie skating around the rink to your favorite holiday songs? Well, SnowDays is the best place to live out your childhood, holiday dreams.

I haven't skated since I was a kid. After once around, I left the rail and buzzed around for the next 2-3 hours! I did get a sore on my right shin but it was sooooo worth it!

What possessed me to try going down the batterhorn, no idea. Not only once, but twice. Terrifying. You feel so secure at the top of the mountain and they let you go to flail helplessly until you reach the bottom.

Yet, I went again. And the sign I should have kept it at one: I lost 2 camera batteries and salvaged my new Avon lipgloss and my pen.

All in all, I'm so excited to have gone alone rather than not at all.

And my time off ended with a bang at the company holiday party at Johnny's Downtown surrounded by good friends, festive music, delicious food, and lots of laughter. Perfect end to a terrific week!

I love shoveling when I don't have to work

I'm in the midst of a week of vacation. I normally do not get December vacations so this has been a real treat! It's far enough before Christmas so that I can begin preparing and am not in the 'panic mode' overwhelmed with stuff I've yet to do.

I picked one heck of a week to take off. The Blizzard of 2010.

I've not had to do a gosh darn thing outside of the home, so I've stayed barricaded. It's been magnificent. I've accomplished plenty inside, though no one would know it. And from what I've seen and heard, I'm awfully lucky not to have to venture into the tundra with an awful winter storm approaching.

Do you ever take a full day (8 hours) to clean out a room or a desk or even a file cabinet? You feel such a sense of accomplishment. Yet when you look around and see absolutely NOTHING changed in the room in which you were working, your balloon deflates.

That's how I feel. I know I have climbed Mt. Everest. I filed all of 2009 and 2010....I've gathered a dozen or so bags of recycles and shredded papers as well as cans and bottles to be taken to the recycle station, yet visitors entering my home would not know the grandeur of my work!

In the midst of dismantling my files and having them strewn about in piles all over the living room floor, the door bell sounds.

I ran to the front door to find my choir director covered in snow and shivering.

He'd made his way to our neck of the woods not knowing if the holy day Mass would go forward...and since we've been getting snow all day long with nothing shoveled, carved the first pathway up our walk covered in snow.

What would happen over the next 3-4 hours simply amazing --mainly because I did not have to work. I would not have been able to get to work had I been scheduled. Our neighborhood is always the last cleared and our plow guy no where to be found.

What made the next chapter so much fun is not having to stress about getting anywhere.

I got our choir director warm, dry clothes, some hot tea, and we proceeded to call every choir member telling them not to come to our holy day service. The roads impassable and nothing had been shoveled at the church. No one can walk up to the church entrance. It will be interesting to see who shows up, if anyone, especially those die hard parishioners.

Then Matt and I, shovels in hand, proceeded to carve a path from my house around the neighborhood hitting the church rectory, the church parking lot, and more importantly, trying to clear a small path for anyone who may show up for Mass.

I have to tell you, not having a deadline or needing to shovel out of my driveway to get somewhere made all the difference in the world erasing all of the pressure.

We finally made a path and searched high and low for salt.

We then attempted to find and start up the snow blower. What a hoot. I admit I had no idea what I was doing. Thank goodness Matt knew. After overcoming a few hurdles learning the snow blower, he eventually made it all work and we were good to go buzzing around the neighborhood.

I even put a plea on fb asking for anyone with working snow blowers, shovels or plows to head our way since the plow guy was MIA and a few others who normally clear the area had not arrived yet caught in the big snow.....

A December miracle because I was not even cold. Maybe the adrenaline kept me warm and toasty...

Finally, around 9pm, we knocked off having done as much as we could. I got in the house just in time for one of my all time favorite Christmas movies, sipping a delicious hot chocolate with mini marshmallows.

I never realized shoveling snow and being home bound would me 2 of the highlights of my vacation, but so far they are! What a wonderful chunk of time off! Thank you Jesus!

Another new beginning

There are 3 or 4 times throughout the year, at least, that standout for me as 'new beginnings.' Of course, every day is a new beginning and should be lived as if it were the last.

Advent is upon us.

We just celebrated Thanksgiving, which is always a wonderful day full of family, fun and food. A time to close out the previous year to some extent, be thankful for what God gave us thus far, and pray that the year ahead is filled with so many more of God's blessings.

It did not disappoint. The entire family gathered to rejoice and thank God for each other and his daily miracles.

Colleen brought the dogs, which was reason to exult in itself!

Sunday the Browns WON! Another reason for jubilance! And to boot, my friends and I wound up at Crop for a delicious dinner where Pork Chop Womack was serving up his signature Pork Chops. There were a whole slew of Cleveland Browns on hand to support their fellow player and his endeavor! He also made the delicious peach cobbler.

The 1st day of Advent felt like a bevy of new beginnings on so many levels as we wrap up another year and prepare for, hopefully, a magical future in the coming days.

I personally need a goose every once in a while to get back on track...to pick up the pieces....to motivate an oftentimes numb existence and shock me back to life.

Well, I am thankful that this time of year has arrived and am hopeful that I can learn from previous mistakes made catapulting into the Advent season....which leads me in leaps and bounds to a heavenly new year!

May all of you find yourself immersed in a peace-filled Advent Season only to find the true meaning of Christmas and hopefully carry it with you all year long.

Our night with Guy Fieri & Ben the Hockey Coach

When I woke up Saturday morning, never had an inkling where the day would lead us.

Saturdays --usually my only day of the week to moderately sleep in, if I'm lucky.

When my girlfriend asked if we all wanted to go to the Food Show, we jumped at the chance. It's become tradition, at least with me.

Mom and I enjoyed all the I-X Center Shows but the Food Show seemed to be our favorite. We'd sit at home and watch so many of those shows on the Food Network night after night. Last year I went and the memories of the fun times Mom and I had came vividly swirling back.

This year, I went with friends in hopes of making new memories and curtailing the sad feelings of Mom's absence.

Boy, did we make some new memories.

We arrived just in time for Guy Fieri's crazy cooking demonstration. He was HI-LARIOUS! The morning show from Q-104 were all on stage dressed up in disco garb stemming from a radio conversation they all had with Guy. They called fans up on stage to assist and taste samplings. One blond woman was totally out of control. We've all been at that stage of drunkenness, though probably not in front of a couple thousand people.

The Fieri show and food show in general did not disappoint. Normally I'm not a wine drinker but sampled some of their fare as well as the delicious foods from around the city, around the world. I revisited the wine slushy stand. We made this last year for Thanksgiving and everyone loved it. Got a few more to make over the holidays.

It was 9pm and the night was still young. So we headed to East 4th and Zocalo for a nice Mexican dinner. Delicious. I love this place.

Afterward, we hit an old stomping ground of ours stemming back at least 15 years --Flannery's.

We used to be in here almost every night. Those days have subsided but always nice to return to your old 'home away from home.'

My girlfriend and I met a most intriguing person at Flannery's. Actually a number of folks we'd never seen before. The first 3 were super nice kids. 2 of them worked for the Bainbridge Fire Department. The other girl is back in school studying. What a hoot. They were hysterical. One of the men spotted a girl he wanted to meet at the other end of the bar. We all chided him to go over there, get the nerve and start talking. My girlfriend even boosted his confidence by reminding him of the Tom Cruise scene in 'Top Gun' where they belt out 'You've lost that loving feeling.' Next thing you know, we are all singing the song at the top of our lungs. Whether he wanted the girl to notice him or not, we were all in her spotlight now.

Another unique individual caught our eye. We all met haphazardly as he struggled to get close enough to the bar to get a beer and we were sitting right at the bar. He was dressed in a suit, which was not the norm for this crowd.

We all got to talking. Found out he was in town for the Milwaukee Admirals vs Lake Erie Monsters games. He was the assistant goal tending coach for the Admirals but assists with most of the teams in this particular league --including the Cincy Cyclones, Niagra Ice Dogs, Nashville Predators. But most impressive about Ben Vanderklok was his love for coaching the little kids during the off season and his excitement surrounding Christmas.

Mind you, it's not Thanksgiving yet. My friend Katie and I want everyone to slow down. The day after Thanksgiving, everything can begin, lights go up, shopping, ready-set-go!

Ben wouldn't mind if Christmas was year round.

I asked if he celebrated The Feast of St. Nicholas. His eyes lit up. He asked if I was Dutch and put my wooden clogs out? He is Dutch and lives in Canada. I told him we have a variation down here in the States. I am and Italian Catholic and celebrate the feast, but we put our stockings up by the fireplace.

Most guys I know (and I'm not saying I know Ben) don't send cards, don't exchange gifts, really don't get into the holiday spirit except to appease their wives and kids. I was digging talking about the Christmas season and traditions with Ben the hockey coach.

Katie and I amazed him. He said he would never be able to hold a conversation such as the one we were all having with some of his female friends up north. Katie and I were telling him about our Cleveland Browns, naming players, who was on the injured list, blah blah blah. His jaw dropped. And then he broke my heart when he asked if the Cleveland Indians' purse was mine. Katie interjected and said, "Danielle is the biggest Cleveland Indians' fan." He shook his head and could not understand.

He can't wrap his arms around major league sports. Totally enjoys minor league, college and high school so much more than the major league fanfare. He asked if I really enjoy the team or just the 'social event' surrounding the games.

I was speechless and then came back to life telling him I adore the game of baseball and watching 'my' Cleveland Indians. I don't go to the games because they are an event. I follow them game to game, win or lose, do or die.

Flannery's had a live band which captivated Ben. He kept wandering up to hear the live music. When the music ended, he wanted to find another place with a live band. Unfortunately, Cleveland was shutting down early this Saturday night. Midnight and Fat Fish was closed, and no other places we passed had anymore live music playing.

We finally landed at The Corner Alley. We were too late to bowl but played a few game of pool. He could not believe that a bar had a bowling alley or a police officer guarding it. He was intrigued by all the bars on E 4th having security. He was also amused by the bride and groom who were enjoying some cocktails in the bar. He alluded to the fact that he's probably be doing something else on his honeymoon rather than sitting in a bar/bowling alley. Finally the bride and groom and their guests did get up to head back to their hotel right across the street.

For a hockey coach who claimed he did not play pool --he lied. Total pool shark. But ya know, we had a blast nonetheless!

I swear, life truly takes us all on journeys that we'd never imagine. I kind of like that. Though I'm quite organized and like to stay on script much of the time, it's those impromptu happenings, those serendipities, those detours which lead us to much of the excitement which enriches our lives more than we ever imagined!

I thank Katie and Monique....Guy Fieri and the Food Show folks....and last but certainly not least, Ben Vanderklok for a fabulous day and memories which will remain with me for a lifetime!

Euphoria

That's the best word to describe the feeling at Cleveland Browns' Stadium after the 34-14 win over the New England Patriots.

You all know I am a big sports fan. Baseball clearly my true passion, but all in all, I'm a Cleveland sports fan.

I must admit, last year, I hit only one Browns' game due to everything happening with Mom.

Another confession--when it gets really super cold and snowy, I tend to watch the games where it's warm, cozy, and I have have people waiting on my supplying my food and drink!

I've been lucky. This year, the weather has been superb whether they were home or away.

More importantly, win or lose, the games have been exciting until the very last play. The fans do not leave. They stay until the final tick on the clock.

This particular game had everyone jumping out of their skin with anticipation, jubilation, and a euphoric pleasure that seemed to last for over 3 hours.

If it were a Viagra commercial, the doctor would have sent the entire stadium to the emergency room.

Every play had action to cheer for....screaming until the voices were all gone.....and a natural high that would last for days to come.

At the end of the game, a feeling descended on Cleveland Browns' Stadium that has been absent since the Browns came back to Cleveland.

Fans could not stop smiling and were high-fiving everyone and their brother the entire walk up the hill or to wherever their destination lead them.

And what's more important. The Monday after the game was not a normal 'Monday.' It was not 'the Monday after the Browns lost a heart breaker.' It was the Monday after the Browns beat the bejeebers out of the New England Patriots, and before that, creamed the New Orleans Saints!

Our saviors seem to be young Colt McCoy, the Beast Peyton Hillis, and you name it, it's always been a team effort between Cribbs, Massaquoi, Robiskie, Stuckey, awesome Dawson, Steinbach, Thomas, Womack, Haden, Adams...I'm not gonna mention the whole team but it HAS been an entire team effort banding together to make the magic happen.

Ahhh, life is good. There's no place like home!

Who's a pest?

Do you remember the children's book "Who's a pest?: A Homer Story?"

It was 'An I can read book' by Crosby Newell Bonsall.

I loved to read as a child and would always make Mom angry by saying I was a pest! Even today when folks' joke and say 'Who's there?" I go, "It's just the pest!"

Those days have changed. Even being the English major, I never read and have pretty much forgotten everything I learned in high school and college.

I digress.

This week, I truly had cute (I think they were cute) little fuzzy pests up in the attic.

What an ordeal.

I think we've had them for a while by the ripped up paper bags and worn paper boxes. For all I know they could be nesting warmly in one of the hundreds of stacked boxes.

However, just within the last few weeks I heard what sounded as if it were an animal running on the roof. But the more I listened (usually early in the morning), the more it sounded as if it were just above me which was definitely NOT the roof.

I finally got a hold of a pest agency to come out and look around. The gentleman seemed very knowledgeable of his craft. He surveyed the house, never found an animal in the attic but saw 'signs' something had been there and saw ways he or she could have entered.

We're always leary at having strangers come inside, but I guess for certain tasks, you have to let them in and be trusting.

He gave me the rundown and what he wanted to do: trim the trees first and foremost so that animals did not even have access to the roof, fix the soffits, and as a last resort, put traps.

I'd never dive into this career, but I imagine being a pest control agent could be quite exciting. You never know what animal you are dealing with unless you catch it red handed.

You have to come back to the house every day around the same time to check the traps, the areas where they possibly enter, and see if they've returned.

My pest control guy said he hopes the tree trimming will do the trick, but it's always much more fun trapping the little buggers. Not sure if that's my definition of fun!

The first day he showed up was election day. Once he filled me in on his diagnosis, for the next 30 minutes we stood and spoke about election day, the United States, voting, the constitution and so much more. I was intrigued because he was sharing his beliefs and way of life, which honestly, I'd never heard of before.

At the end of the discussion, I surmised that he adhered to sovereignty. He said he had no debt, no bills, did not have to pay taxes or parking tickets or mortgage, or anything. He also said he was above the current law followed by the USA (which startled me a bit) and shared so much more that he was currently studying in law school.

I just stood there taking it all in trying to figure out how this pest control guy by day, law student by night would ever mix the two careers. He seemed to be in love with both?

I had to focus on the task at hand and hope that he would solve my pest problem.

After about a week of returning, trimming, checking and fixing, I hope he's rectified the situation. I am kind of afraid to return to the scene of the crime alone but one day will have to get the nerve to face my demon pest, who hopefully is in my past.

Mom's hand print still present in my life

It's been 365 days and counting....since we buried Mom.

We've all lived through an entire year of experiences, events, relationships, fending for ourselves without the matriarch of the family.

I don't believe it will get easier.

I don't believe I personally will ever get over this life-changing circumstance.

That does not mean I have not continued onward.

Mom used to always tell me, 'we are survivors.'

And we were...and I am.

Mom enjoyed life to the fullest and I am sure expects the rest of us to continue that legacy.

The irony of this past weekend and how it played out tells the story.

We celebrated Mass for Mom Saturday and then the entire family gathered for dinner. Mass was beautiful. Behind the scenes up in the choir loft, Mom 'the jokester' had the upper hand as a number of mishaps occurred, though not visible or noticeable to the congregation. My choir director turned to me at one point as we held back the laughter & tears and said 'Your Mom's playing tricks on us today.'

I hope people see that part of her in me. Her eyes lit up a room and so did her smile. She openly loved her God, her family, her friends, and her life.

At dinner, the same fun and frivolity continued....I must say. Sometimes families feud. We all have. But, usually when we all get together, there is much more laughter, strolling down memory lane, and making of new memories than anything else. Just picture 7 people sitting around the table in a Chinese restaurant (that has a turntable on the center of the table) ....and much of the night all talking at the same time telling funny stories...good times!

Mom must have placed her hand on all of us this weekend to lift our spirits and remove our sorrows. I heard from a very dear friend of mine Saturday night. I was surprised to hear from him, yet overjoyed.

I know many adhere to the mantra you should make your own happiness and not rely on others. I am sorry. There are a handful of people in my life who DO make me happy. I get excited just knowing I may see or hear from them. They do bring joy to my life, whether they want to admit it or not. When I talk or see them, I can not remove the smile from my face or the twinkle from my eyes.

Well, that's this friend. And I thank God daily for him. God has truly blessed me.

Sunday much of the same, under Mom's watchful eye. The Browns had a bye week so I figured all right, going to get a lot done AND the Browns can't lose this week! Uh-huh. After singing all the Masses I heard from one of my best girlfriends who I met for lunch.

Then off in search of a bracelet that a friend of mine asked me to buy....he has a necklace for his sister and wanted a matching bracelet. I promised I'd keep my eyes open for the kind he's requesting.

While at the Mall, I got bamboozled to purchase a hair accessory, except the man selling me the accessory spewed compliments the entire time he fussed with my hair. Was he doing it to sell the item? Honestly, I don't think so. Now his tag team partner WAS just trying to close the deal on the purchase. I folded. I made the purchase. It was well worth the 40 minutes of compliments and hair fussing!

And because he detained me so long, I saw the most delicious sunset on my way home. The entire weekend, whole day had Mom's hand print stamped all over it.

Finally, handing out candy to the adorable trick or treaters brought it all to a perfect conclusion. We must have had at least 150 children, all cute and courteous saying please and thank you.

I must admit. As a child, Halloween was an ok holiday. It was safe to trick or treat with your friends....my sister and Mother always made me the greatest costumes....and we'd always make our way to Chaloupka's bakery for lots of free 'old time' candies.

As I got older, both Mom and I really disliked this Hallowed time for some reason. That's why when her funeral fell on Halloween, the irony of it all overwhelmed me. However, what we could never get over is handing out candy, oftentimes, to kids who may not have the easiest of lives. The look in their eyes, the smiles on their faces, and the gratitude in their parents' faces made the entire night so worth it all.

Thank you Mom, for yet another fabulous day. I know you are not physically here but I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that I AM still here today because of you. Thank you for that and I love you so very much (I love you more!).

Mom's rainbow strikes again

One year ago today, Mom met her Maker.

I can not fathom that one year ago Mom was alive. She blew me a kiss, waved and smiled at all of us, even poked fun at my oldest niece, and just a few hours later while resting, while holding my hand and my sister's hand, took her last breath joining God in Heaven.

The first year has been hell. I lost my best friend, my Mother, my companion, the only person who really needed me and loved me more than anyone I've ever encountered.

Every single experience, every single day of my life since then was a 'first.'

Oh, I've had hundreds of people (if not more) give me advice, tell me how I should feel, tell me how my life will progress, even tell me to 'get over it.'

I will never get over this. So to those of you who can't deal with me and how I am now, you get over it!

I have gone through progressions, and ironically, see those same progressions in my Aunt after she lost her husband (our uncle /father figure) back in April.

Just because the phase changes a bit does not mean the feeling inside, depression, emptiness, or downright horror changes.

I do enjoy life. That's one trait I learned from Mom. Live life to the fullest. God is good! Life is good! However, there are never 'good days' or 'bad days.' There are changing hours in the course of a day --the spectrum from being jubilant one moment to bursting into tears sobbing so hard I can't breathe the next, all in a 24-hour span.

I do know Mom is constantly with me. I see tangible signs. But, being with me in spirit is definitely not the same as being with me in person. That's for sure.

I started on the road to recovery in March when a group of wonderful grade school friends reunited and spent an amazing evening catching up.

I was doing very well in April when I communed with my best college friends for a long weekend.

Then May and June were magical. I re-connected with a school buddy who saved me. They may not want to admit it but they are the reason I finally took down my Christmas decorations on May 16, 2010. They gave me the oomph to start working out again and a reason to live.

I adore summer....I visited a dear friend in FLA a few times....I neglected my home and everything to spend quality time with people. It's hard to explain to most but people were/are much more important to me rather than a clean house, a weeded flower bed, or everything really. I just kept saying --one minute Mom was there and the next, she was gone. That's how I regard people now. That's why when I can't spend the time I want with certain people I really care about, I become very saddened. One minute they may be there, but the next they may be gone.

Plus, I did not and still don't have the energy to clean, go through anything in the house, or tackle my 'to do' list.

Unfortunately, the colder weather keeps fading in and out....and my May buddy has since moved on causing my depression to resurface. I'm still lacking energy and the zest to do a gosh darn thing. I am again on a down spiral crashing to the bottom of the well.

All month, I've been quite emotional. I know my family is probably experiencing some kind of reaction and even Mom's very close friends. I mask it very well. I do what I need to do. I give 100 percent at work, at church, with my singing, and everything I undertake. What I falter with and fail at is me, my personal goals. I constantly let myself down.

What does boost me at times is how every day at least one person tells me how much they think of Mom--all different people from all walks of life.

I requested this day off at the beginning of the year hoping to attend Mass and spend time with my family.

I did not really have a clue as to how I'd feel or where I'd be.

Never in a million years did I ever imagine the day Mom would send us.

Yes, it has been bittersweet.

A former co-worker of mine just passed away and her wake was today. I knew it would be difficult but Mom always taught us to pay our last respects so I was not going to let Mom down. I showed up at the funeral home not even thinking who I may see ....thinking I'd pay my respects and be gone after a few minutes.

I arrived and saw one of my best friends in the whole wide world, who greeted me at the door. If that's not Mom's handiwork, I don't know what it is.

The people I saw at Donna's wake boosted my spirits. I know that's quite morbid to say your spirits were boosted at a wake, but they were.

I truly believe Mom was watching over me.

She sent a beautiful thunderstorm, which handcuffed me.

Mom also knows that I adore rainstorms, especially if I don't have to work during them! I got caught in the rain, drenched, and loved every minute of it!

I ran a few errands which I'd been putting off for months --errands that Mom and I used to do together.

I attended Mass with my Aunt and Sister --even did the reading and distributed the wine.

But what was to come, an amazing sight.

While the family gathered at Trattoria in Little Italy, the most beautiful rainbow stretched across the entire sky right above our restaurant. Mom strikes again --as she did on Thanksgiving and once over the summer when I needed her most to show me a sign.

I rushed out and took a picture.

But more importantly, the family and friends who saw the very same rainbow and thought of Mom paralyzed me. I got text messages from dear friends saying 'I just saw the most amazing rainbow and thought of your Mom." I logged onto Facebook sharing our experience and got a slew of friends writing back saying the 1st person they thought of when seeing the rainbow was Mom.

Mom WILL be with me and the rest of my family always and forever. I have faith and have always believed.

I talk to her every day asking for strength.

Mom solved every single problem while she was alive, continues solving my problems from Heaven, and will never cease to amaze me at the countless, tangible signs she sends for all to see.

I love you Mom --a bazillion, catrillion times more!!! xo

Gotta have faith --in God, humankind, yourself

Mom would razz me because I always saw the good in everyone, but at the same time so proud because she passed on and taught us all that particular character flaw.

There were 3 boys in grade school who were, let's say, mischievous. Yes, that's it. Ok, at times they were downright bad.

However, they were always very nice to me and never wanted anything from me in return (no cheating on tests, nothing like that). I was not intimidated by their antics nor juvenile delinquent acts.

I was always willing to help them and lend a hand. Others in class were amazed that I was not afraid of the terrible three.

I wasn't. In fact, there was one I was kinda sweet on in the second grade. He was cute! (Ha ha, just imagine a 2nd year old saying that--'he's cuuuuuute!')

As they got older their misdemeanor acts turned to felonies, yet I still kept the faith.

1 of them is a great guy. 1 of them I lost touch with, and unfortunately, the third one's history caught up with him and he is no longer with us.

I never ever lost faith in the trio.

Saturday's "Heroes for Northeast Ohio" brought back my faith in humankind (or at least a little of it for a smidge of time). I worked the food drive from a little after it began until the very end.

As usual Northeast Ohio came through again, as they always do. I worked the Bainbridge/Aurora site. The amount of food, coats, clothes, toys, and money gathered during that 6 hour span unbelievable.

First of all, the volunteers who gave of their time spectacular.

Small children walking up literally giving the coat off their back....parents going inside Wal Mart and coming out with bags of items to donate.

The stream of givers constant.

Cars driving up with dozens of coats and bags full of toys for those who have nothing.

I know humans have it in them. Sometimes it's hard for them to pull the trigger, especially if their life is rough. But in the end, usually human kind comes through and does the right thing.

I never really give up on humankind, though at times, certain individuals disappoint.

And again, the constant thread through my entire life: Mom. Mom always taught from the very beginning, "God is good." "Keep the faith." "Never lose faith, especially in God, yourself, others."

And as usual, Mom was right. Let's face it, my Mother was never wrong. Even though we are approaching the one year anniversary of her death, she teaches me a lesson every day and STILL is correct.

As you all know, Mom and I are the biggest Cleveland Indians' fans...all Cleveland, all sports really. Mom NEVER gave up on the Tribe, the Cavs, or the Browns.

As I took in God's warm sunshine Sunday during the Cleveland Browns' game in near 80 degree temperatures, I heard Mom saying 'keep the faith. The Browns WILL pull through and win this game.' And son of a gun, they beat the World Champion New Orleans Saints.

We have and will continue getting mocked, especially when it comes to our sports teams. But, I will NEVER ever give up. I believe and will always believe in the heart and soul of Cleveland Sports.

My hardest task is keeping the faith in myself. I second guess myself all the time. I disappoint myself constantly. I fall short of my goals and expectations and beat myself up worse than anyone. When others treat me like dirt, ignore me, or don't make me a priority, I think that's how I should treat myself. Well, it's not. I need to work on loving myself like God loves me. If others who I hold in very high esteem disappoint, let me down, sadden me, even to the point of tears, I have to shake it off and look within. I need to realize God made me and he did not make S _ _ T! I have to pray to God and ask him for the strength and the faith to endure others' human frailties.

As Mom always said, 'gotta keep the faith Babe!'

One of God's greatest gifts: dogs

Before non-dog lovers start on me, you can interchange 'dogs' with 'all pets.'

But, I'm going to go back to my first premise because I personally believe that one of God's greatest gifts to humans & the world is the dog.

If you read dog backward, hmmmm, you have god.

My family has had animals including dogs my entire life. We've had cats, birds, mice, hamsters, frogs, fish, you name it, we had it!

One reason I am not a huge cat lover is because our cat was an absolute terror climbing the curtains and attacking our bird! However, my Aunt has always had cats and hers are precious. They even named one of their cats after me, so I do hold a little love in my heart for the furry, purring pet!

All of our animals had character. One of our hamsters would get loose but we always knew where to find it, downstairs in the basement in its special little place.

My Mom was a saint because technically I am allergic to certain breeds of dogs but just love them all so. We'd get a dog and when they got older, after Mom trained them, we had to get rid of a few of them.

One of the dogs we had, a schnoodle, was a good fit but came from a bad breeder and died.

Oh, the stories we have over our entire lives!

Dogs (and all animals really) know when something is going to happen and sense emotions. They may not be able to speak but if you know your dog, they DO speak to you. They can tell if an earthquake or big storm is approaching by their antics --so watch your dogs!

They know if you've had a death in the family and are sad or if there is reason to celebrate.

My favorite dog, Katie, was the absolute best! She was a doll. My sister and Mom got her for my youngest niece but she quickly became 'mine.' I had a special call to get her to come to me....and when she really wanted something, she went to Mom because she knew who was boss and who'd get action!

Oh, I could go on and on with all the wonderful stories about Katie. She endeared herself to the entire family and anyone who met her. Just ask anyone who has looked through the 4 or 5 picture albums of Katie!

When she was a puppy, if you were laying on your stomach on the floor or couch, she'd pop up on you and sit smack dab in the middle of your booty! I can not even believe how small she was when we got her so many years ago! We gave her to Colleen for Christmas....

Dogs love unconditionally. They don't care the mistakes we made, how we look, what we have or don't have. They do sense when something is wrong and come snuggle with us.

My youngest niece has 2 dogs which used to live with us, so I have another special place in my heart for those girls.....but my oldest niece's dog has won me over as well!

About a month ago, little Zoey got sick. It was quite out of character for her but after a huge storm, which blew a bunch of stuff on the floor, she got into a few things she was not supposed to get into. She scared the bejeebers out of all of us. I can honestly say I was on pins and needles for 48 hours on the verge of tears every time I thought of what happened. Finally when I got the word that she was ok and home from the hospital, I just burst into tears of joy.

My friend from Tampa could not believe that I got so attached and emotional over a dog. Well, first, he's a guy and .....well, there's no excuse for anyone not treating a dog (or animal) as part of the family.

The last few weeks of Katie's life were awful. She could not walk and everything was shutting down. I'd carry her outside to try and do her business. I'd carry her everywhere. I hand fed her, if she would even eat. I took her to the vet every single day for them to give her an IV. Finally, they realized she was not going to get better. They really did not know what was happening with her system but could not cure her. She had medical problems, she was getting older and it was probably just her time to meet God.

When she died, we lost a family member, not just a pet. I carried a heavy heart for months. Not only had a dear friend moved out of the state but now my best friend had passed away. There were songs that came on the radio that reminded me of Katie that would make me burst into tears. I think it took about 6 months, at least, before I could listen to and sing this particular song all the way through tear-free.

I do know that Katie (and now Mom) are up in Heaven as my guardian angels. I could not make it through a day were it not for their support and watchful eyes.

All of these memories came flooding back as someone I consider to be a very, very dear friend lost one of his dogs this week. When I heard that he was sad, my heart dropped to the ground. I knew it could have only been one thing causing his sadness. This dog was so precious. What a great, loving animal.

I felt handcuffed to do anything to help. On one hand, I refuse to ever say "I know how you feel" yet I had a slim idea.

I know how I am when I am depressed or saddened. Sometimes you want to be alone, sometimes you need someone to embrace you. And many times you are so beside yourself, you can not even communicate what you need.

I tried contacting him but never got any responses.

My first inkling was to call but then I hung up the phone thinking maybe he does not want calls right now.

I have a way of second guessing myself and never doing the right thing. I don't know if I helped him in anyway with my written thoughts of encouragement. I feel as if I failed as a friend with this crisis. I know that losing a pet is just as traumatic as losing a human friend.

I can only hope that his pooch is guarding over him right now from Heaven taking away some of his grief and that God is taking away the rest of his sadness. And if he needs me, I hope that he knows I am ALWAYS there for him. All he has to do is reach out, and I will be there.

Apple cider makin' time again!

God has really given me a tremendous life surrounded by family, friends, and the ability to see his miracles in my daily existence.

My weekends are usually jam-packed and entertaining. This one did not disappoint and I was actually quite excited in the days leading up to the festivities.

I did have a full plate but back-timed everything perfectly.

The first main event was attending Jamie and Lori's 5th annual Cider Press Party! Jamie and I go back almost 30 years to our college days. I knew we'd always stay friends. There's just that initial connection which you know will last.

Lori's cooking prowess rules the kingdom. Holy cow. Not only do they make the delicious apple cider with their cider press contraption but Lori makes home made pumpkin soup and was cranking out the fresh apple fritters, which were to die for....

There's never a shortage of tantalizing food and beverage.

I enjoy seeing these two because they are two of the nicest people you could ever meet....and there are usually a handful of other folks from college or that I've met and seen at this bash in years past.

On a more serious note, Jamie and Lori are one of only a few married couple friends who continuously include me and welcome me with open arms. Most of my married friends exclude me. My single friends have boyfriends, girlfriends, or always have to travel in pairs, as Noah advised. My married male friends can't seem to grasp that they really are allowed to have female friends. And many married female friends have moved on. I seem to be odd girl out, and though that's awkward for me at times, it really makes so many others even more uncomfortable.

I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I am so blessed and humbled that God allowed our paths to crisscross and continue meeting up at strategic points, it seems, just when I need that boost and encouragement as do they.

Next stop--meeting my few single friends for an OSU party. Though the outcome was not what we all wanted, it was quite exciting. I really had not been out with these friends for a while...we just hung out, caught up, drank beer (I never drink beer anymore), laughed, and let off some steam.

There had to be hundreds of folks, dozens of big screen tvs, not a parking spot in sight so we all needed to valet. No matter who you were, what you did, where you came from, there was a bond and everyone was there for the very same reason --to watch OSU. It was very cool and you made new friends along the way!

There were a few bittersweet moments. I saw someone I knew and really wanted to chat with....but circumstances did not permit and steered us otherwise. I have to be totally honest. It really sucks when you want to spend more time with someone you adore and it's virtually impossible. It's like being handcuffed, held back, helpless, frustrating to no end.

Fortunately, the folks I had just been with pulled me through, as did my Tampa buddy.

Unfortunately, when nights, days, or moments like this occur, my only outlet is either getting on the treadmill and going miles and miles or blasting the music and sobbing myself to sleep, which is the option I chose this night.

Fortunately, a new day is usually around the corner, and though the sadness is still there sometimes, you gotta press on...I did have something else to look forward to on Sunday. Yes, I was excited to see Colt McCoy QB for the Browns, win or lose. But I was gonna see my niece's dogs and get to play with them all night long! Ah, that's just what we did. We all ordered out for Chinese and played with Zoey and Izzy. Thankfully, they were just what the doctor ordered, for a quick fix at least, after my previous late night emotional distress breakdown.

One of the best birthday gifts Mom gave the world

Emotion overload. That's the only way I can describe how I feel at this particular moment.

The circuit breaker can not take too much more.

Honestly, it's a good emotional overload.

Today is Mom's birthday. Happy Birthday, Mom!

I'm still having a very hard time grappling with the fact that one year ago today, Mom was alive. She was not feeling great, but we just celebrated her tremendous 80th birthday party at the Terrace Club which thrilled her to no end.

She was still talking with me, loving me, my companion and best friend.

I'm not going to sugar coat anything--I miss her so much it hurts. She was my Mother, my best friend, the reason I got up in the morning. She loved me more than anyone ever has, and more than likely, more than anyone ever will. She loved me with my extra poundage, my flaws, my faults and simply did not care about any of those items.

Contrary to what everyone tells me, I will never get over her death and what I am feeling now will never ever diminish.

Compounding the emotional overload is probably the biggest story of the year--the Chilean miners being rescued one by one, successfully.

I have no doubt in my mind that my Mom, Marianne, gave the world one hell of a birthday gift today as she assisted in some small way in making this miracle happen.

I stayed up for over 24 hours straight on my nephew's birthday. I'm not sure why but I did and I remember it as if it were yesterday...

I have stayed up for over 24 hours straight on Mom's birthday. I could not turn the miner rescue off last night and continued watching it to it's completion today.

It's been a wonderful day. Began the day attending Mass for Mom with Auntie. Starting the day off at church sets a tremendous tone for the rest of the day.

A dear friend from college sent me a wonderful poem about someone's first birthday in Heaven. Yes, it made me cry, but it was so beautiful. Thank you Dale.

A different work schedule, more Chilean miner activity.

Then heading home to continue watching the miner rescue as we had Mom's favorite meal from the Academy Tavern.

I can't even fathom the day Mom had. She's with family who've gone before her. She's with friends, people she admires, my dog Katie. Being human and finite, I can not even imagine what's happening in Heaven. But, I know one thing for sure. Mom is healthy, happy, the life of the party as usual. And, I'm sure she's saved me a piece of her birthday cake for when we meet again.

The entire day was perfect from start to finish. It had Mom's hand stamp all over it.

Thank you Mom and Happy Birthday! I love you more!!!!

Adopted teams & adopted families help me cope with my exhaustion

Be careful what you wish for....

When I was a small girl watching 2 of Mom & my favorite movies: 'Working Girl' with Melanie Griffith and Harrison Ford...and then 'Baby Boom' with Diane Keaton, I said: "I want to be like those women."

WRONG!

The last 19 months of being like those women intermixed with a number of true tragedies have taken their toll on me. Literally.

I am suffering from exhaustion. It's not funny, I'm not joking. I'm mentally, emotionally, and more importantly, physically exhausted.

I thank a number of people who have helped me battle through this condition. My Aunt (and Jimmy) and I have spent time together and shared many meals. In fact, I feel as if we're a new food critic team! We've hit Grotto, Menu 6, and Clifton Deli and they get thumbs up (after we've licked the plates & fingers clean!). Thank you Auntie for making sure I keep my strength up!

My 'adopted' baseball team (in light of the fact that my real baseball team is on hiatus), the Tampa Bay Rays, have been exciting to watch. It's helped me and my best friend bond even more....there are times when, even though we are 2000 miles apart, we'll watch the games together! And this past weekend, he kept texting me the score of the Tampa-Texas game since I was not by a television. It was just awesome! I even wore my Evan Longoria t-shirt to work Saturday morning. I'm sure that's what put them over the top and gave them a little luck!

And I was fortunate to spend part of the weekend with one of my 'adopted families.' I don't want to say they are new because I've known Sheila my entire life. But I guess getting to know her family is fresh and new.

I went to school with Sheila's sister...and we all re-connected on facebook over the last 8 or so months. What a treat! I met Sheila's daughters back in March and we immediately hit it off. We all have been friends ever since. They have put a little life back into my step and have truly shown me that there are still people around who care.

Sheila is a fabulous cook. Being around caring friends and eating a delicious meal really helped me start re-charging my battery, especially on this summery weekend in the 80's. Just what the doctor truly ordered.

I'm lucky and blessed to have friends like Sheila....Craig.... as well as my family. I will not mask it or hide it. My emotions are shot. The death of my Mother, my Uncle, other tragedies and life-changing occurrences in my life which began back in March of 2009 are finally taking their toll on me.

Unfortunately, I'm disappointed in a few people as well, which does not help my emotional tumble off the cliff. I know we can't change others...but there are a few folks I'd really like to spend more time with...I thought they were there for me and up until a few months ago, it seemed as if they were. Maybe they are going through hard times too? Who knows? Feeling like you've been pushed to the curb or dumped does not help the state I'm in.

I am my Mother's daughter and will not be defeated. But I am human. I push and push and push myself and so many others come to me for assistance to be their rock. Most of the time, I am. Right now, it's like I'm in quicksand. But soon, I'll be back and better than ever!

Do you like 1 or 2?

I felt like I was at the eye doctor.

You know that awkward time when she is testing your eye strength and keeps showing you the same letters at varying strengths?

Which is clearer? 1 or 2? Now? Now? Now?

Well, today I had my picture taken for the church directory. What a harrowing experience.

Aside from the fact that I do not think I look good in most pictures and may one day look a little more pleasing if I lost about 75 pounds, it was truly awful.

The photographer did not do anything at all to make me look flattering or the best I could look. In fact, in 2 poses, I almost got whiplash turning my head all the way around so she could 'showcase my long, curly hair.' That's fine and dandy. I may look a little better in a neck brace?!

Then when they take you into their office to let you look at the pictures hoping to make a gold mine off of you is where it gets very interesting!

She tried selling me a whole slew of wallet sized pictures. First of all, I hate the picture. There is absolutely no way on God's green earth I will ever pass them out to my family, friends, or even at Halloween (well, maybe that's a good idea --Id' surely scare the kiddies!).

But I listened to what she had to say. It's very funny how they agree with your choice. The perfect salesperson. You could choose the picture that is atrocious and they'd say, "Ya know, I was going to suggest that one --it's simply fabulous!"

As we went through I believe all 6 pictures she took --sure enough, "1 or 2.....now which one.....ok, which one here?" Finally, I picked the one that was the least offensive, got a frame, and said tally ho!

Saw 'the social network' with a fb re-connection

I've been very blessed to continue catching up with family and friends even though summer is winding down...

You all know my mantra--life is too short....live each day as if it were your last and cherish your family and friends each and every day.

Quite the irony this past weekend as I took in 'the social network' with a college friend who I re-connected with on facebook. Go figure! It was awesome. And then both of us got home from the movie and the first thing we did simultaneously was log onto facebook.

Creatures of habit I guess.

Seriously, the movie was very entertaining, well directed, written, acted out --pretty much well 'everything!'

Regardless of the drama and story behind how this social media giant came to be, it's a very good tool for re-connecting. That's mainly why I use it.

I do not have enough hours in the day as it is to successfully live my life. I am not going to waste the precious hours I do have by playing games on facebook or any area of the Internet. I do like that I've re-connected with grade school, high school, college friends, and former co-workers.

That aspect quite the serendipity for me!

Unforgettable moment

I've discussed this before.

Some days I can not recall what I did an hour ago while other memories are unforgettable.

A few weeks ago, the great Doctor Robert J. White passed away at his home in Geneva. Dr. White is known around the world for being one of the best neurosurgeons in the world. He's also known world-wide for being an advisor and doctor to numerous Pontiffs.

We are blessed and lucky to know him as a very humble man who adored Mom, went to my church, attended daily mass, and was never too busy to visit or speak with you.

Growing up, I remember seeing the White clan at church Sunday after Sunday when the kids were growing up. As they grew up, moved, and moved on, Dr. White was still a pillar at daily and weekly mass.

With Mom being the church secretary, he'd speak with her often and took an interest in her health. Both had their strong faith and devotion which anchored their friendship.

One of the all-time greatest moments in my life as reader and Eucharistic Minister was the day I gave Dr. White communion.

The reality of it is that we are all God's children. And Dr. Robert White was as humble and real as they come.

However, to me, he was an icon, a hero. He saved lives. He was not God, but he helped people and oftentimes saved their lives if it was not time for them to see their Maker.

The fact that I was distributing the Body of Christ to one of my heroes brought me to tears and sent chills up and down my spine.

I will never ever forget that moment as long as I live.

Another very distinct honor I had was assisting in the singing at Dr. White's Memorial Service. Mom always told me, "You have a God-given talent. Use it. Those who sing pray twice!" So how could I mess with Mom, her directives, and not use one of my God-given talents.

I was honored and humbled to sing the entire Mass as well as solo Ave Maria during the service. I was even more taken aback when I ran into a longtime competitor after the service who put two and two together and was just gushing at my singing.

Another sign that we all have God-given talents and there is so much more to each person on this earth. Never diminish anyone. God has put us all here for a reason, whether we know why or not.

Every single funeral I sing, I look up to Heaven and pray that those I love dearly and the person who I am honoring can hear my gift to them and are smiling down on me and all of us.

The final home game of the 2010 season

I can honestly say in convincing fashion, I am not bad luck for 'my' Cleveland Indians!

For a fleeting moment, I thought I was....but after attending the last 7 games in a row and winning the last 6, I'm off the hook!

What a ride! What a whirlwind!

The last week has been surreal with a number of '1sts,' memorable moments, emotional events on and off the field, and downright fun!

Spending the 1st part of my week off with my best friend started the ball rolling.

And all week with 'my' Cleveland Indians --pinch me!

Mom IS channeling through me as each day goes by and I get even more love for the Tribe, skyrocketing interest which I never knew was possible, and such joy from watching them day in and day out.

However, the season is winding down and that sadness approaches.

I know I have one more month of baseball --and it should prove to be the most exciting baseball of the season, but 'my' Indians will not be part of it.

This is the time of the year when I don't get too down because I know once the World Series ends, we have the holidays, and then January to catch up and get everything done before Spring Training revs up. Yes, I said it. January is my 'get into gear baby' because pitchers and catchers report mid February! Whew hoo!

Fitting and wild that the final home game turned into a traditional double header.

The weather was beautiful --no coat, nothing needed!

I hit both games my friends and they were magnificent.

I've seen a bunch of firsts this week including Luke Carlin's 1st homer as an Indian and Vinnie Pestano's 1st MLB save.

But toward the middle of the 2nd game, it all started hitting me. I went through this entire season without Mom physically sitting next to me, though I know she was there.

I so miss her expertise on the game, her love of this national pastime, her pride in Cleveland and her Cleveland Indians, and the 'queen' of Jacob's Field.

I've worn her baseball jacket all week. I have not needed it until now and it was perfect.

I could not get through this night without shedding many tears.

As I glanced around the ballpark and realized that this IS my home away from home with so many memories throughout my entire lifetime....I would have a huge void in my life without baseball and 'my' Cleveland Indians.

I was surrounded by friends. At the beginning of the 2nd game, I ran into a family I'd known almost my entire life and ironically they were just one row over from me.

Even people I did not know --being in the ballpark for the last 6-7 hours, we all bonded.

My usher, Bob and his wife were on hand.

And true fans who just loved the game of baseball and could not pass up seeing the final game, though there was nothing at stake!

Even better, when the Tribe did something extraordinary, I got a text from a great friend of mine, Marc, who shares my love of the game. He made me laugh so many times during the game when I really felt like crying.

At the final out, the flood gates opened.

Everything that had built up over the last 162 games and the last 11 months since Mom has been gone came out in full force and I could not stop crying. The Indians won. It was an exciting season for the true fan. I went through the entire season Mom-less. I would miss my guys over the next 4 months....and so many other thoughts and emotions were slamming together.

Karen, my usher's wife, saw my disposition and ran down to give me a huge hug.

THAT my friends is how lucky Mom and I have been over the years. Baseball, win or lose, has only had positive effects on our lives, has given us very good friends, and has allowed us to make countless memories for the rest of our lives.

I really lost it when the entire team ran out with bags of signed baseballs and started tossing them to the fans who went the distance with them....waving....signing autographs.

Chris Perez, who just had a little baby, closed out the final game. He was the post game interview guest.

After his interview, he got his bag of autographed baseballs, and passed them out to the fans. He was the lone player left on the field yet so appreciative of the fans thanking HIM for a great year that he signed autographs for countless fans until they started turning the ballpark lights out.

I finally had to tear myself away from the ballpark knowing that soon enough, I'd be back, and so would my guardian angel.

Count your blessings

We are in the homestretch on many fronts.

My best friend has only a few more days in town. Looking at the glass full, at least he has been in town. I may not have seen him as much as I'd liked but I'm blessed to have spent a few days in his company.

No one knows where life takes us...more than likely I will not see him again for 9 or 10 months. Again, really, I have no idea what I am doing tomorrow so I can't even make that ridiculous blanket statement and look into the future.

We hit an Indians' game but first, I gave him the downtown tour.

Now he is from Cleveland but has lived out of state for a few years.

I really wanted to show him the groovy East 4th experience....and then we just let the spirit move us and walked all over downtown. Heck, we had the time, so we walked and talked and enjoyed my wonderful city.

Another tradition we kept alive --going to the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo! We hit it every summer and could not let this summer pass without a visit.

We actually lucked out. What a beautiful day --upper 80's to 90's just like I like it and he is used to, without the crazy humidity of FLA....a great 30-40mph wind....and our own private tour through the Giraffe house unveiling a few other surprises which I am not privy to share until my friend Sue says it is ok!

I felt like a kid again, especially slurping down my Icee!

What a wonderful couple of days.....which ended with yet another trip to the Indians' Game, Beatles' fireworks, and a Tribe win!

We are also in the final countdown of my Cleveland Indians' season.

People think I am crazy because we did not have a winning season. But watching this team day in and day out, we've made progress and every game was exciting.

I can't stand people who look at the Sports Page headline and just see the score without knowing how hard the players worked, if new ground was broken, if records were achieved, or if firsts were accomplished.

I adore this team. I always have and the last few years have been really fun. We have a good team. I'm not really sure what upper management will do to help or hurt it in the off season but if we continue with the following line-up, we will be making great strides:

Matt LaPorta at 1st

Jason Donald at 2nd w/Jordan Brown backup utility infielder

Asdrubal Cabrera at ss (or Omar Vizquel)

Jayson Nix at 3rd base (or Omar Vizquel)

Trevor Crowe/Michael Brantley/Shelley Duncan in left

Grady Sizemore in center

Shin Soo Choo in right

Travis Hafner OR Jim Thome as DH

Carlos Santana/Lou Marson /Luke Carlin catching

Carmona /Talbot/Masterson/Carrasco/Tomlin/Gomez pitching

Perez closing with various set up men (sipp/smith/perez/germano/lewis)

I love this team! And with Mom's divine intervention over the next few years, so will everyone else!!!!

I mask it well

Remember how I said there are some things I retain...and other things I soon forget. No rhyme or reason, and at times I astound myself at the useless items stored in my brain!

Overall, I've had a pretty amazing summer.

Yet there have been times when I was a basket case, and thankfully, I have the gift of masking it very well.

For instance, I can pull July 13th from my brain as a defining moment where I started losing ground. I had just returned from a very emotional vacation in Tampa on many fronts, one of them being 'The Decision.' I get home expecting to spend a nice evening with a very good friend, who totally blows me off.

The friend I just left in Tampa sensed I was on the edge and after not speaking for at least 12 days, told me, "I wanted to give you your space."

Oh, that is one of my pet peeves: people 'thinking' they know what I'm feeling, how I'm feeling, what will make me happy, and not asking the source what she needs!

Fast forward to this week. I am still a mess. My best friend in the whole wide world is in town but can not really see me for a number of reasons. First and foremost, he's in town to see his elderly Mom. I get it. I told him, "1 year ago my Mom was alive and now she is not. Cherish your parents and elderly relatives." But then I said, ya know, age is not the defining factor. You should handle every single friendship/relationship as if you will not see that person again.

Live every single day like it's your last.

This past Tuesday --another defining moment.

I was a mess. For whatever reason, I kept thinking of Mom.....I missed not seeing my best friend....and I had not heard from another dear friend of mine. Baseball season's winding down and I so wish my Mom could have experienced the fun season I've had 'til now. I cried driving to work. I almost cried at work. I balled my eyes out driving home. I texted my best friend and left him a voice mail which never even got answered until almost 24 hours later.

My best friend is not 2000 miles away --he's here. And he can not call me, text me, or rush over after I tell him I can not stop crying.

I was even further down the well after his behavior.

I have people tossing advice my way left and right. Thank you but no. I refuse to let anyone tell me how to feel. I refuse to suppress feelings. I refuse to avoid places, people, or memories just because they may remind me of Mom. I will continue living. If along the way, a sad moment pops up, I'll deal with it. But I will not let anyone, anything, or any possible memory of Mom sway me from being me and living the way I want to live.

Many places to call my 'home away from home'

We all work so much, it's a given that your work place is more than likely your secondary 'home away from home.'

For me, Progressive Field (better known as Jacob's Field) is really my 'home away from home' and more so this season than ever before!

I've even gone on the road with 'my Tribe' to Tampa, which ironically, though 2000 miles away, has become another 'home away from home' for me!

Not a bad place to visit on occasion.

I've been quite lucky...to have a friend down there. And it seems since he's moved away, we've seen each other more this year than in years past.

I don't have more vacation this year than last or the year before, but it does seem as if I have been off quite often. Each time I'm off, my co-workers will ask 'were you down in Tampa?' And luckily I've been able to answer a few times 'YES!'

So it just seems kinda funny that I was in Tampa last weekend and my best friend's back up north just 5 days later! This amazing life we lead.

Craig arrived in Cleveland and we continued where we left off just last weekend --cheering on our various sports teams: the Indians, the Browns, the Rays....sharing a few cocktails.....enjoying the beautiful weather which is a welcome break from 100 percent humidity down south, and just spending some more quality time together. This is bound to be yet another crazy week spent with good friends!

Life is too short to let it zoom by.....without enjoying the beautiful scenery.

My friend's mom is older. I encourage him to spend as much time with her but also say, NONE of us know how much time we have left. Age is not a quantifying factor. I never mean to be a downer, but I tell him --just one year ago, my Mom was still alive and now she's gone. Enjoy life. Enjoy family. Enjoy friends and what makes you happy!

Have as many 'home away from homes' as you can doing what you love doing!

Ohio fans sure do follow their teams!

I could not believe my eyes when I arrived at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport bright and early on Saturday, September 11, 2010.

Yes, I flew on 9/11. Probably the safest day to fly, though my Aunt told me flights were down by 1/2. Security was extremely tight. Tighter than I'd ever seen it before.

And my eyes were blinded by the sea of Brown & Orange and Scarlett & Gray! I felt like I had joined a huge movement and was loving every minute of it!

The only people storming the airport at 7:30 a.m. were fans traveling to Florida to see the Browns' Game OR heading to Columbus for the OSU Game. It was GREEEEAAT!

On my plane alone, there was a bachelor party of 17 men heading to Tampa to enjoy the Browns' game as just part of their bachelor festivities! But most everyone on the plane was heading to the game.

I guess I just never imagined the phenomenon that would play out the entire weekend.

I was headed to the Browns' game because my best friend lives in Tampa. And he lives right across from Raymond James Stadium. A win-win situation. Free housing and a nice walk to the game!

I wound up renting a car because his car was on the fritz. I was so proud of myself. My family would go to FLA every year so I got my economy rental car, cranked the stereo, and rolled down the windows. No way on God's green earth was I going to put on the air --not after coming from 50 degree Cleveland! I knew exactly where I was going and got there in record time. Oh yea, my friend lives about 10 minutes from the airport. Bonus!

I showed up at his condo and could not believe my wondering eyes! Right across from his place was a huge sign that read 'The Official OSU and Cleveland Browns tailgating party!' Pinch me, I was officially in Heaven!

I sure knew what this weekend was going to be about: Sun, poolside, cocktails, seafood, jamming to great music, the OSU Game, the Cleveland Browns' Game...oh yea, and spending some quality time with my best friend! LOL!

Turn the page to Sunday.

We walked to the stadium and Cleveland fans were tailgating in the parking lot! Was I back in Cleveland at the Muny Lot? It appeared so.

We entered Raymond James Stadium and at least 1/2 of the fans were proudly wearing their orange and brown garb. It was simply amazing! Hotter than heck but no one cared. A nice mid-game rain drenched everyone washing away the sweat and really making it feel like we were back home at Cleveland Stadium with that lake effect rainstorm!

The Tampa fans thought better of mocking anyone wearing orange, brown, or Cleveland Browns' memorabilia because they knew we outnumbered them!

The entire weekend was surreal and dream-like.

Even the plane ride home. Fans had bonded. Travelers were one. We all talked about the game, the trip, and were happy to return home to Cleveland! I could not believe that I was on the plane with a couple I'd known my entire life! I even went to a prom with his brother way back when. Holy Cow!

It is a small world, especially if you are a fan rooting for any Cleveland team --we are EVERYWHERE!