We need more cowbell in the rain!

The last week has been one I'd never ever imagined, concocted, or even scripted in a dream in a million years!

Just the simple fact that I have a new text buddy who, most of the time is amazing.....yes, we've had a few rough spots but always seem to get back on track.

I had a schedule change due to vacations. A very nice change of pace! And honestly it seemed I was at the station MORE because of it as I would work, work out and then hit the Tribe game! Going to the Indians' games has become beneficial to my health as well as a great source of pleasure! I park at my office and walk over to Progressive Field. Those days I get a workout in, BONUS! The days I don't, I still get a nice downtown walk going!

One of the days I worked I totally overslept! I NEVER do that. I jokingly the day before told my relief to call me if I wasn't in at a certain time....sure enough, I jinxed myself. I got up 18 minutes before I was supposed to be at work! I called him and said, dude, I'm up but I may be a few minutes late!

God was truly on my side. I threw on an amazing outfit, gathered my lunch, and headed to work. I made EVERY SINGLE LIGHT! I was not speeding but it was a different shift than I normally work and the light pattern had changed. I got to work only a few minutes late and knew that I owed God a HUGE HUGE favor!

And then it was the Feast of the Assumption weekend! A family tradition! Sunday I went to the Indians' game which wound up being rained out and postponed. Even in a delay, I had the most delicious time at the ballpark. We played a few innings--David Huff was pitching a doozy! Then the skies opened. So I ventured up to the Terrace Club and just sat in my place on the floor watching other MLB games! 1/2 way through the delay, the most delightful little boy and his father came over to sit by me. He was a doll! We had the best conversation about beginning school and his lunch breaks at school....and how the administrators are quite annoying with how they quiet people down and get attention. It was absolutely awesome! He shared his fishy crackers with me and then when the couch opened, offered me a seat next to him on the couch!

He really was a doll and reminded me of my friend's adorable little boy, who hopefully one day I will meet.

Finally, they called the game and off I went to change for the Feast of the Assumption. I was NOT going to pass this up.

There may be a little rain in the air but it's tradition. I needed to get my Italian food fix on and light the candles we light every single year at Holy Rosary church!

I changed and headed down to Little Italy. I was meant to be there! It all came together! I was supposed to meet two friends but they got chased away by the rain. I wound up seeing my sports producer and his friend! Then I saw an old colleague, Commander Tom Stacho. I did my normal walk around and taste and squirrel away food to take home plus I grabbed some to give to my Aunt when I saw her at mass the following day....

But my highlight, besides lighting the candles and saying a little prayer, was visiting my friend's fried dough stand! ALWAYS a delight! And this year just made my week!

In the meantime, my new pal and I had been texting back and forth.....it was nice. But I was on a mission and he was going to have to wait. Especially after the skies opened again.....one downpour and I put up the umbrella. It lasted about 5 minutes and away the umbrella went! I went to Michael's stand and saw he and his lovely wife and children. After talking just a few minutes the skies opened yet again...but this was furious and would last longer. So he ushered me under his stand to safety and we all talked, shared memories, caught up, feasted on fried dough and made new wonderful memories.

At one point, it was apparent the rains would not be stopping for a while so the band in the center of the venue started playing to entertain those stranded.....and that's when the fun really began. A stand two down from Michael's had all of these instruments --cow bells, horns, tambourines, anything you could imagine. They started doling them out, passing them down so that everyone could play along with the band! It was magnificent. The kids had the most fun of course! This vivid image that will last with me forever IS truly what makes new memories --surrounded by friends, family, tradition, and the guts to live life to the fullest and make lemonade when you are handed lemons!

Mom's rainbow strikes again

One year ago today, Mom met her Maker.

I can not fathom that one year ago Mom was alive. She blew me a kiss, waved and smiled at all of us, even poked fun at my oldest niece, and just a few hours later while resting, while holding my hand and my sister's hand, took her last breath joining God in Heaven.

The first year has been hell. I lost my best friend, my Mother, my companion, the only person who really needed me and loved me more than anyone I've ever encountered.

Every single experience, every single day of my life since then was a 'first.'

Oh, I've had hundreds of people (if not more) give me advice, tell me how I should feel, tell me how my life will progress, even tell me to 'get over it.'

I will never get over this. So to those of you who can't deal with me and how I am now, you get over it!

I have gone through progressions, and ironically, see those same progressions in my Aunt after she lost her husband (our uncle /father figure) back in April.

Just because the phase changes a bit does not mean the feeling inside, depression, emptiness, or downright horror changes.

I do enjoy life. That's one trait I learned from Mom. Live life to the fullest. God is good! Life is good! However, there are never 'good days' or 'bad days.' There are changing hours in the course of a day --the spectrum from being jubilant one moment to bursting into tears sobbing so hard I can't breathe the next, all in a 24-hour span.

I do know Mom is constantly with me. I see tangible signs. But, being with me in spirit is definitely not the same as being with me in person. That's for sure.

I started on the road to recovery in March when a group of wonderful grade school friends reunited and spent an amazing evening catching up.

I was doing very well in April when I communed with my best college friends for a long weekend.

Then May and June were magical. I re-connected with a school buddy who saved me. They may not want to admit it but they are the reason I finally took down my Christmas decorations on May 16, 2010. They gave me the oomph to start working out again and a reason to live.

I adore summer....I visited a dear friend in FLA a few times....I neglected my home and everything to spend quality time with people. It's hard to explain to most but people were/are much more important to me rather than a clean house, a weeded flower bed, or everything really. I just kept saying --one minute Mom was there and the next, she was gone. That's how I regard people now. That's why when I can't spend the time I want with certain people I really care about, I become very saddened. One minute they may be there, but the next they may be gone.

Plus, I did not and still don't have the energy to clean, go through anything in the house, or tackle my 'to do' list.

Unfortunately, the colder weather keeps fading in and out....and my May buddy has since moved on causing my depression to resurface. I'm still lacking energy and the zest to do a gosh darn thing. I am again on a down spiral crashing to the bottom of the well.

All month, I've been quite emotional. I know my family is probably experiencing some kind of reaction and even Mom's very close friends. I mask it very well. I do what I need to do. I give 100 percent at work, at church, with my singing, and everything I undertake. What I falter with and fail at is me, my personal goals. I constantly let myself down.

What does boost me at times is how every day at least one person tells me how much they think of Mom--all different people from all walks of life.

I requested this day off at the beginning of the year hoping to attend Mass and spend time with my family.

I did not really have a clue as to how I'd feel or where I'd be.

Never in a million years did I ever imagine the day Mom would send us.

Yes, it has been bittersweet.

A former co-worker of mine just passed away and her wake was today. I knew it would be difficult but Mom always taught us to pay our last respects so I was not going to let Mom down. I showed up at the funeral home not even thinking who I may see ....thinking I'd pay my respects and be gone after a few minutes.

I arrived and saw one of my best friends in the whole wide world, who greeted me at the door. If that's not Mom's handiwork, I don't know what it is.

The people I saw at Donna's wake boosted my spirits. I know that's quite morbid to say your spirits were boosted at a wake, but they were.

I truly believe Mom was watching over me.

She sent a beautiful thunderstorm, which handcuffed me.

Mom also knows that I adore rainstorms, especially if I don't have to work during them! I got caught in the rain, drenched, and loved every minute of it!

I ran a few errands which I'd been putting off for months --errands that Mom and I used to do together.

I attended Mass with my Aunt and Sister --even did the reading and distributed the wine.

But what was to come, an amazing sight.

While the family gathered at Trattoria in Little Italy, the most beautiful rainbow stretched across the entire sky right above our restaurant. Mom strikes again --as she did on Thanksgiving and once over the summer when I needed her most to show me a sign.

I rushed out and took a picture.

But more importantly, the family and friends who saw the very same rainbow and thought of Mom paralyzed me. I got text messages from dear friends saying 'I just saw the most amazing rainbow and thought of your Mom." I logged onto Facebook sharing our experience and got a slew of friends writing back saying the 1st person they thought of when seeing the rainbow was Mom.

Mom WILL be with me and the rest of my family always and forever. I have faith and have always believed.

I talk to her every day asking for strength.

Mom solved every single problem while she was alive, continues solving my problems from Heaven, and will never cease to amaze me at the countless, tangible signs she sends for all to see.

I love you Mom --a bazillion, catrillion times more!!! xo