Olympics coming to a close

A riveting final two days of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics.

I can not get enough.

Between curling, hockey, another skating show, and the closing ceremonies, perfect ending to a near perfect two weeks.

The snow made it possible for me not to feel badly about blowing off some necessary errands this weekend....instead, glued to the TV in between Church and visiting my Uncle in the hospital for the finals in curling......the AMAZING USA vs Canada hockey game and then an interesting closing ceremonies.

My Aunt and I were actually out to dinner keeping tabs on the Hockey game when it went into OT and then ended.....

Just in case, I also had a tape rolling back at home! Figured win or lose, well worth keeping for posterity!

I've seen better closing ceremonies ....there were lulls but what is always a joy is just seeing all the athletes come back into the venue with their newly made friends, taking pictures, all smiles, wearing or carrying their medals (even Joannie) enjoying their last night after giving their all!

I know come tomorrow morning, I will be in total Olympic withdrawal but have a rejuvenated spirit--not only towards being an American, but just being me and striving to be my best!

Let it snow and snow and snow and snow!

All the weather people have been calling for it.

Now it is here!

Non-stop snow for 48 hours straight....the mounds can't go much higher.

These are the days to dress down, dress warm and comfy and not really care what I look like.

Even at church--warm and comfortable.

This type of snow is quite beautiful--a true gift from God.

I'd love it more if I did not have to actually go out in it, but as an adult, I don't get snow days anymore!

So I'm gonna take it slow, stay warm, travel only where I must and hope that there is a light at the end of February marking an end to winter and the beginning of an early spring?!?!?!?

Spring Training has arrived!

Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

You have no idea how I've longed for this day!

I have learned since Mom is gone that I really LOVE the game of baseball and my Cleveland Indians.

I got that from Mom.

I could not wait for this day to come.

It's like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders and all is right with the world.

I have been a lost soul and so unfocused.

It may not appear that way on the outside but that's the mess on the inside.

And within the last 2 weeks I've had 2 cataclysmic events help me focus: The Season of Lent and Spring Training.

I desperately need to accomplish at least 57 tasks on my 'to do' list. Oh, there are more but I'll break out in hives if I go any higher than that number!

And, with these two seasons coinciding, I believe I've gotten the boost necessary to tackle the world!

Returning to the last place Mom was alive

My Uncle has been in the hospital for 7 days now.

He has a number of issues but the doctors are not giving us a definitive 'this is what is wrong.'

Ironically, one of UB's docs is Mom's main doctor. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Oh, he was a great guy and brilliant doctor but he nor his team could figure out what was ailing Mom in her last weeks and we all know what happened.

My Aunt really abhors driving so she took the weekend off from being in the driver's seat and had my sister and I chauffeur her to the hospital.

I was looking forward to seeing UB. I've been getting daily updates from my Aunt and just praying the doctors can sort this all out.

He seemed in good spirits always cracking a joke and trying to make us laugh. But you could tell he was not feeling well and frustrated because of it. We talked and watched some of the Olympics.

He was strong enough to walk down to the day room area. This not only got him some much needed physical therapy but out of the 4 walls surrounding him constantly.

He made it there but needed me to taxi him back.

What are the chances that my Uncle would be on the same floor where Mom died?

In that big bad hospital--really, what are the chances?

Well he was.

And upon leaving the day room, we walked right by Mom's final resting place.

Do you know what? I was ok with this. I take that as a sign that I know where Mom is and am so happy for her.

But, I won't lie. The feeling was very weird and not natural. I can not even put into words the way I felt, but it was not sad.

I have been in hundreds of doctors' offices and hospital rooms. Dozens of trips to the hospital.

Yet this time I felt out of place. I was there for someone else. I did not have my Mom and know exactly how to take care of her.

I was out of my element because none of the doctors or nurses on this floor knew me. That was an awkward feeling. Normally, I knew every nurse and doctor by name, and had the lay of the land. The hospital was my home away from home. Not this time. They looked at me like I was a novice who knew nothing of the medical business. I actually started getting a bit perturbed by the indignant vibe being emitted my way.

I can not tell you how many people who dealt with Mom asked me if I were a nurse or in the medical field! I knew so much, asked the right questions, and knew technical facts as well.

And these people are speaking to me explaining things as if I am a 2 year old who had never been to this hospital before?

I really started getting a bit hot under the collar (inside only) but simmered down.

It was not worth it.

I was there to see my Uncle and pray that he will be out of this God forsaken place soon enough so none of us will have to go back for a long, long time!

Good friends & food made for a perfect evening

A group of us have been trying to synchronize our schedules for months.

Ya know what? Sometimes you just have to do it.

Take the leap out of your busy schedule and box off a few hours for friends.

That's just what we did.

3 of the folks I've been out with many times before. A few years ago it seemed everywhere I wound up, I'd see Mark, Chris, and Erin.

The 4th person I've known for years, but having opposite schedules, never see or have the chance to socialize. What a breath of fresh air finally hanging out with Hollie.

And if that was not enough, the Chop House food divine. One of the best steaks I've ever eaten in my life.

Our server a dream. No one ever had an empty glass or were in need of a thing! And the tall tales just kept getting taller and rolling along.

The night did not end there. A little Barley House and then Blind Pig to make the evening complete.

Mix in music, funny stories, people watching and the Olympics.

A sure fire recipe for fun and frivolity.

I am overwhelmed and swamped. I have more on my plate now than I have ever had there. I do not see the end in sight but will never give up hope.

I am so thankful that God gave me the peace of mind to leave the chaos and clutter behind for a few hours, not feel guilty and just enjoy the company of good friends.

It comes & it goes

There is no rhyme or reason as to why or what sets the tear machine rolling.

Some days at Church I can't get through a song without the tears streaming.

Today's Mass was actually for Mom.

I don't know who had it said for her but what a nice gesture!

I sang the Mass but was determined to break away at Offertory and carry up the gifts with one of Mom's best friends forever, Mercedes.

It was hilarious. Father has a way with people and life in general. As I handed him the water and wine, he said, 'now get back over there and sing!' I was trying to be polite and wait until Mercedes handed him the hosts and he said, "I mean it!'

All in fun of course!

I sang the entire Mass and did not shed a tear, even though it was for Mom.

Like I said, no rhyme or reason. I'm not going to fight it. I'm just gonna live, savor each moment and react in each moment the best way that I can!

Namesake

When I heard the Ash Wednesday readings, I felt rejuvenated and full of life.

I can conquer anything, even if it's hard.

And I know there will be trials and tribulations every single day of my life.

But as Father was reading the scriptures, and told the story of Daniel and the Lion's Den, this feeling of hope, being a warrior and a survivor overtook me.

It really was like I was having an out of body experience. The light bulb went on and I did not feel so alone.

Daniel's quite the inspiration for me and somehow I have a feeling I will be counting on and bothering him not just through Lent but for the rest of my life!

I really do feel like Daniel on a daily basis. Daniel's faith, honesty, and hard work caused many to outright and despise him. Even when he was closed in the lion's den, he had faith that God would take care of him, and God did!

When morning came, no scratches on Daniel. He was still alive. Daniel trusted God and God save him.

The translation for Danielle is 'God is my judge.'

God and only God is my judge. It does not matter what anyone else says, thinks or says about me. I will only follow God.


I know the name Mom wanted to give me. It was overused and being gobbled up by everyone having a baby in the 60's. I am grateful. I love my name, and more importantly, who else shares it and where it originates.

Thank you Mom!

Ash Wednesday 2010

Little black book from the Diocese of Saginaw, Inc. --CHECK

Daily reflection--The Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception --CHECK

Rosary --CHECK

Mass and Ashes --CHECK

Willing Spirit --CHECK

Good intentions --CHECK

To-Do List as long as I am tall --CHECK

Now, I just need my guardian angels, the good Lord above, and the energy, persistence, patience, strength, perseverance, and a swift kick in the butt to pull it all together over the next 46 days!

I really do not want to look back, like I have so many other years, and say --'what have I done?' And put up the big goose egg.

But, I can not do this alone....please help me Mom! I need you more than ever!!!!

Can't come up for air

January is usually the slowest month for me --I try to use it to not only rest but to start the year off right and rev up for the next 11 months!

Well, say goodbye to any rest this year.

January has come and gone in the blink of an eye.

In light of the responsibilities tossed on my lap back on October 26, 2009, what I have had to take care of over the last 31/2 months, I will have no free time this year, no slow month, no time to come up for air.

I'm not complaining, just stating a fact.

There are those who try to offer advice and say, 'don't take on so much.' And though they are just trying to help, NOT in my skin.

These days, it's a wonder I get up....I put on matching socks and shoes...and make it to work--all which are essential in making the day a success.

Anything else I accomplish the cherry on top.

It's true! You lop on a few more things to try to enjoy myself a little, take time out for 'relaxation' if that's possible, and that certainly does not allow for those 'doing nothing days.' We just had the NBA All-Star Game, which is tradition in our family. And then factor in over 2 weeks of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. I'm sorry, I do have my priorities. They will not happen again for 4 years and I am going to catch as much of the games as possible--another family tradition.

Then just when I think I have everything under control (as best I can), someone dies and I sing a funeral.....

My uncle is going into the hospital. Unexpected and quite unnerving. Way I look at life, it's these 'unexpected' events which oftentimes are much more important than the daily routine. So you have to make time for them and re-arrange the other 'obligations.'


Fat Tuesday and Ash Wednesday could not come at a better time for me. I count on this time of year. Many look at Lent as a downer--'oh I have to give up something.' I have to say, I usually don't give up much but try to move mountains, accomplish much good, and do those things which help others (and me) make a difference in society.

I can already tell this Lent will be challenging with all I have on my 'to do' list and now making more demands on myself. But the thing is, everything on the list MUST get done. They are not frivolous requests. If I don't get them done, I get behind at work, I get in trouble with my creditors, my car runs out of gas or worse....they all must be satisfied.


On this bittersweet day when Uncle Bill will be going into the hospital to see if his team of specialists can figure out what is wrong, you have to look at the bright side. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday--a time to make a fresh start. A time to not only forgive others who have wronged us in the past but FORGIVE OURSELVES!!!

And, I've not eaten a Pazcki today! Hopefully that's a healthy sign for the 46 days ahead!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!

(one of my many talents!!!!)


If you are a couple, hopefully you had a memorable Valentine's Day Weekend!

Those of you not in a couple or surrounded by loved ones, you can still make Valentine's Day a success!

Come on, this was a good weekend even if it had not been Valentine's Day--Olympics, NBA All-Star Weekend, fabulous movies on Lifetime, Hallmark.....


I read something this week that said you can be your own Valentine!

This comes from the people at TOPS....

Works very well especially since we are in the midst of Go Red for Heart Health Month...we should all take care of our hearts, pamper ourselves, focus on those we love, and most importantly, shower love each and every day!

Again, here are some great tips from TOPS:

1. Relax, play and enjoy life --without guilt
2. Count your blessings
3. Create a food and exercise /activity plan tailored just for you
4. Try something new
5. Remember the special people in your life
6. Take time to write down and examine your goals
7. Indulge in a (non-food) treat
8. Get enough rest
9. Write down your many talents and qualities that you like about yourself
10. Realize how great it is that you are one of a kind

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm not just sitting around eating bon bons!

I think of myself as an extremely smart, ambitious, talented, fun-loving individual who has many interests, excels in problem solving, has impeccable organizational skills and so much more --who always pulls everything together so it works out just perfectly!

All great gifts given to me by God above--which I realize, thank Him for on a daily basis, and try to use so when I get to the pearly gates, he does not ask me 'WHY didn't you use the gifts I gave you?'

That said--I am smart enough to know that I am grieving the death of my Mother. And I am even smarter to know I should not fight it or be embarrassed about it--and others should be respectful of me and my grieving process!


I know Mom died. Trust me. I know this happens to everyone and we all must press onward! I've pressed onward many times in my life:

• when my Father abandoned us when I was a baby
• when Mom had a heart attack
• when my best friend's Mother died while we were in grade school
• when my Uncle was very ill and living with us
• when I heard an accident on the scanners which later I learned involved my Uncle & wound up taking his life
• when I was struck by a drunk driver who totalled my first car & got nothing
• when my Uncle was murdered though his wife covered it up
• when my dog passed away in my arms
• when my second car was totalled in my work parking garage & no one did anything to help
• when Mom got sick....and ultimately met her maker
• Oh the list is endless

Words stated to me verbally and in print over the last few days show that there are people who still don't get it, get me or ever got Mom.

There are actually people who think I am focusing on what I lost rather than what I have.


Holy Shit. What a crock! Yes, I swore.

1st off, I don't have time to focus on what I lost --I need to focus on the here and now as I am up to my ears in trying to straighten out Mom's business...it's a pain in the ass and something that no one else can do since no one else ever took a vested interest in Mom.


God has given me countless gifts and the best gift that He gave me WAS Mom and the labor of love of taking care of her. I would not exchange this gift for anything. I promised Mom many years ago that she would never live alone or in a nursing home. I would never abandon her. And I meant it. And I guess since I made that proclamation, it allowed everyone else in our lives to move on with their lives so many years ago, move out, and say sayonara over 5 years ago! God love them!

With this gift God gave me came responsibilities not given to anyone else, extra hardships no one else ever experienced, and so many challenges never imagined even after she passed--tedious and time consuming duties which no one else can even fathom.


I took care of Mom. And no one should ever criticize me or my grieving process. I thank God that Mom died before me because no one else really knew how to take care of her:

• her medicines, why she took them and when she had to take them
• her doctors, what each of them did, where they were, keeping her appts straight
• what food she was really supposed to eat and not eat
• how she liked her hot cereal--she'd complain anytime anyone else made it but me
• her lemonade with splenda
• taking her pills with applesauce rather than water
• how she had to be the leader when she walked and walking at HER pace rather than pulling her --like some did
• knowing her favorite nightgown
• which socks fit with certain shoes
• her favorite tv shows
• how she needed her favorite letter opener when opening the mail
• knowing she liked taking 2 clementines and 3 bags of cookies to dialysis
• making sure she had puffs in every pocket of every jacket at all times
• remind her to take her food pills after meals, especially if we were out
• taking her on numerous trips --no way in hell anyone else in our life would have even attempted to do this!
• The list is endless what I did for Mom --99% of the stuff people didn't even know.

So, I am ok with grieving the death of my Mom because she was my life and I was her life. The problem is not me --it's others who STILL are not respecting my thoughts, my feelings, my needs, my wants, and are STILL telling me how to feel and what to do!

The suggestions are flowing like beer at an Irish wake. People are telling me to move, to buy a house, where to move, to start living my own life, to take care of myself, to live it up, to save my money, to spend my money, to buy new clothes, to not buy new clothes, to spend time with my friends, to not spend time with my friends so I can take time for me, to get married, to stay single.....are you really gonna let me live my life or continue bossing me around?

For the record: My Mother died. That was traumatic enough for now. Though it is no one's business, I lost 50% of my monthy income. I know, some of you out there are jobless and homeless so you definitely are not empathizing with me. However, for me, at this time in my life, it may be very hard for me to buy a house let alone even move at this moment. For me personally, I can not take any more big upheavals in my life right now. I will go off the deep end.

For those of you who REALLY care for me--what I REALLY want is:

• to wrap up once and for all Mom's business affairs
• to get my affairs in order should I die so my current nightmare does not one day become someone else's
• to FIRST & FOREMOST work out every single day
• to not have to worry about my living conditions/location at this juncture
• to be able to pay off my credit cards
• to sock away some money since I took such a money hit with Mom's death
• to be able to focus on me since I've neglected myself for over 10 years
• again, to be able to get up in the morning and work out EVERY DAY, work out --what's that?
• to lose all the weight that I need to lose
• to get my head, my heart, my mind, my emotions, and my physical body stabilized before I make anymore moves
• And to have the freedom to grieve my Mom's death if necessary without being ostracized for doing so

Know that I don't sit around eating bon bons all day grieving!

I live and I am on the go and I talk to Mom & thank God every minute of every day for what he has and continues giving me.

I guess those nay-sayers have never really loved someone. Those people telling me to move on and get over it have cold ice in their veins.

I see a bird fly by and remember how Mom marveled at the tiny miracle made by God.

I hear Michael Symon's laugh and recall Mom saying time and time again how she loved his laugh (which I told him to his face by the way!).

I see Dave Duncan in the dug out on tv and remember how Mom wrote a letter to Bob DiBiasio of the Indians asking if he could get some Cleveland Indians' to send her daughter sweet 16 birthday cards --and I got dozens of them, including Dave Duncan!

I sit and watch one of MY favorite shows, the Golden Girls, and at times do get teary eyed because I see the relationship Dorothy has with Sophia and it conjures up so many wonderful memories.

Or I sing a line at Mass which reminds me of Mom so I tear up.

Or my friend Louie tells me "I love you more" which Mom would say to me all the time!

I have moved forward and love life and living life. I have accomplished so much since October 26th. No one else I know could have done what I have done! I am tooting my own horn. I am one in a million and impressive! I know we can not always get what we want! Things can not always be orchestrated to suit our needs. I'm sure in the near future there will be many, many more challenges and bumps in the road and even disasters where I feel I can not go on or I have no where to turn. I have God. I thank God profusely for giving me feelings and memories and allowing me to be a kind and caring person who actually has emotions. And yes, sometimes having emotions and feelings gets the best of me --especially since my Mother died less than 4 months ago.

But I'd rather have emotions and cry and feel sad and happy and a rainbow of feelings every single day of my life than have ice running through my veins!

'I put the wife on the ferris wheel so I could see what I want'

This little old man was a hoot!

We were all asked to volunteer to work at the Home and Garden Show this week.

Not only did I work with some pretty cool folks, but enjoyed people watching and talking to the show patrons.

And you get to know the people working the booths around you too....dreaming of the day I can have a softub, which was right across from our booth! I'll get a taste of having a hot tub at my college reunion this Spring!

One little man made me laugh so hard. A character just by his looks--not mocking him --but he was quite animated and unique before even speaking with him. And then when I asked if he was enjoying himself, he said, "I just put the wife on the ferris wheel so I could walk around and see what I want to see. When we are together, she drags me to all of her things!" He said it with a smile on his face so I could not help but smiling back and chuckling!

Facebook profile games can be real 'debby downers'

For those of you who know me, not much gets me down.

I guess that's why people who see me don't realize I still have my mourning & grieving moments for Mom. Much of the time I am in a good mood, smile on my face, and life continues--because that's the way Mom taught me to live.

And the recent Facebook games have not gotten me down.

But when they start going around, they do initially, for 3 seconds, piss me off.

A few weeks ago, there was a 'game' where you had to change your profile picture to your celebrity look-a-like. Since no one has ever told me I look like someone famous, or some cool athlete....well.....this directive could send someone who is unstable or in therapy to the bottle.


This week, those people at Facebook came up with the bright idea to change your profile picture to a picture of you with your husband/boyfriend /significant other--for Valentine's Week. And I supposed if I had a boyfriend or husband, I would have jumped on the bandwagon. I'm keeping my picture of Mom and me up there in honor or this charade.

A true double-edged sword for those of us who apparently are too plain, too plump, too boring, or too 'something' to have a boyfriend. I shake my head all the time saying 'I am much better looking than she is, so why does she have a husband?' And then I look at her husband and understand. She settled. He settled. I REFUSE to settle for something less just to have someone.

I'm ok with this right now. But for those who see their shrink a few times a week, these reindeer games garner very low self-esteem and could push someone over the Hope Memorial Bridge feeling very hopeless.

Green River Ordinance-Come On

Mom, you sure bamboozled me on the way to work Tuesday playing song after song that just made the tears stream...major make-up touch up as soon as I hit the door!

Life House, Leona Lewis 'Better in Time' though I know it WONT get better in time.....


And of course, 'Come on' --especially the lines 'I just wanna be the hand you hold when you're cryin'...I just wanna be the voice that tells you it'll be alright....


I love you Mom. I miss you. I can't believe that less than 4 months ago you were here and we were together. This is soooo hard and sooooo surreal.

Super Bowl Sunday

I am rooting for the underdog.

My male friends joke me. When we have our fantasy baseball draft, me being the only girl in our league, they joke me that I choose the 'all cute team.' OK, you found me out!

Well, it's a toss up. Peyton Manning and Drew Brees are both dolls. If I were going on looks alone, Drew Brees beats Peyton out by a ....well, he beats him by a slim margin!

Today there are many reasons to celebrate. First, it's Sunday --a day of rest! There is always a reason to have a party (even if it is a small one)...you have a football team in the Super Bowl for the very first time....a city hit by Katrina 4 and 1/2 years ago has a reason to cheer again....AND, for me, once Football Season is officially over, that can only mean Baseball Season and Cleveland Indians' Baseball!

It's truly a win-win situation!

Go Saints!

Congratulations Sister Maria Cimperman et al

One of my good friend's from High School, in my graduating class, was honored with 2 other women as outstanding alumnae.

I have not been going back to these luncheons. I used to go. Have not been back for years.

Why? I'm not sure why. I guess I'm really not the mingling type, especially If I don't know the bulk of people. And we all know, I am definitely not the 'rich' type!

But I had to go and honor Maria. She's a nun, but I can call her just plain Maria!

It's hard to believe I've known her for over thirty years. I knew her brother Joe when he was just 'little Joe' waaayyyy before he became one of the best Councilman Cleveland has seen in years!

Again, apprehensive as I approached this event. But when I arrived and saw a few folks I knew, the tension eased. I did see Joe and Nora and Miss Grimaldi, and a few others. One of the best decisions I ever made was going to Beaumont School for Girls. And, today is a testament as to WHY it is one of my best decisions.

As expected, no one knew Mom had passed so I had to carry on that charade for a while sharing stories and rehashing just what had happened.

I felt great being there seeing Maria. It was like we'd never parted. I guess that's how good friends are--you don't see each other for years and then pick up right where you left off!

Along with Maria, Carolyn Hafele Kondrat '65 and Colleen Connell '94 were honored as 'distinguished alumnae.'

Congratulations to all the honorees and to all Beaumonsters who continue making a difference in the world, sharing the ideals, beliefs, and teachings instilled in us so many years ago from the best teachers in the world!