Wise words of poet Adam Lindsay Gordon

Adam Lindsay Gordon summed it up best when he wrote:

"There comes a point in your life when you realize:

who matters

who never did

who won't anymore

and who always will.

So don't worry about people from your past.

There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future."


I have a very clear, definitive, vivid picture of my responses to all of the above and just wish others would respect my answers and requests.

Drum roll, please

Every day situations arise which demand decisive action & decision-making.

Each decision pieces together our life and sends us in a specific direction.

At times, we may regret those decisions and wish for a 'do-over!'

Luckily, being of sound, mind and body, I'm generally happy with my decisions, and extremely proud of the life I've made for myself.


Drum roll, please. I've made yet another decision today.

I'd prefer NOT to let my father back into my life.

I never pushed him out to begin with...that was his doing....but ya know, it was a good fit.

Let me take you back a few pages in my novel (and feel free to look back a few blog entries to Easter Sunday).

Mom and Dad got divorced when I was small. They were friends and still are. We all were civil and he would visit me once a week.

I have to be honest, it was a drag. There were things I would have preferred doing than being 'forced' to act like I was enjoying myself because the courts demanded he visit once a week.

Then poof--maybe 20 or so years ago, he had 'issues' and removed himself.

Frankly, fine by me. 20 years ago I was in the midst of a fantastic career with fantabulous friends, a whole life ahead of me, and a wonderful family who did everything together.


Then, after a blog post where I said my father really has missed out on a lot --all of our baseball trips, the fun parties and dinners we've had, and hearing me sing, my sister began the quest to reunite me and my 'estranged' father.


Well, that's not what I wanted or want. However, usually, what I want gets overruled by the 'adults' in my life because of course, everyone else knows what's best for me.


Today's revelation is quite liberating (yet I am sure it will NOT be honored). After I sang my first Mass, Mom said she was going to go to the next Mass. Very odd and I knew right then my father would be at the next Mass with my sister. Especially because Mom was not feeling well but kept pressing the issue...


Sure enough, we walked in and my father and sister came to meet us. No feelings whatsoever for him. No excitement. Frankly, a waste of my precious time. In my opinion, he was outright rude. He spoke incessantly leading up to Mass. He disrupted and distracted everyone in choir as we practiced. In fact, one of my choir members asked me who he was and asked if he could tell him to shut up! Now, for someone that came to hear me sing, I don't believe it for a moment. After Mass, not a single 'well done,' 'nice job,' 'you are fabulous,' 'I can't believe it,' nothing! But honestly, I did not expect anything less from him.


He actually creeped me out. Acted like more of a date saying "can I call you and see you again?" That's just creepy.


If I were on a date, I would have excused myself early and got the heck out of Dodge...and said, 'no I'm sorry, you can't call me again!'


Now, I'd like to share another tidbit from my first Mass of the day which helped me come to my realization. I saw many good friends who are near and dear to my heart. I look forward to seeing them each weekend. I've known many of these people my entire life and they would do just about anything for Mom and I.

A special surprise: the mother of a boy I went to grade school with was sitting a few rows from where I was singing. I had not seen her in years but I immediately knew who she was. I gathered she did not quite put 2 and 2 together but was smiling from cheek to cheek at my singing. At the sign of peace she came over and told me how blessed I was for my gift of song. She asked me my name and when I told her, the light went off above her head, her eyes brightened and she knew exactly who I was. I wanted so to speak with her and she with me but she had to leave early for her grandchild's baptism.


I have SOOOO many of these people in my life. They are all blessings. They range from family members on my Mother's side to kids I grew up with in grade school, high school and college who I STILL keep in touch with to this day! They are former co-workers, current co-workers and others who've crossed my path along the way. Heck, I recently re-connected on Facebook with a bartender who used to work at one of my favorite bars. He wrote me a note saying he still has the Indians' birthday card I sent him. It touched me and made my week!


I am truly blessed. I have good friends, good people in my life. I also am in the midst of a very chaotic, jam-packed ride which, thankfully because of my organizational skills/multi-tasking/and prioritizing, kinda stays on track.


There's not a lot of 'free time.' And that's just it. In my free time, I'd MUCH rather spend time with those people in my life I REALLY care about.....I love......instead of going through the motions and wasting my precious time.


Oh, I could make up an excuse and say I am too busy. Not it at all. Outright --I have made the conscious decision to do what I want, see who I want and unfortunately, my father's not on that list.


In my spare time, which is quite precious, I have so many others I'd rather gather with, spend quality time with, or just take a few hours for me--day at the spa, read, workout or clean. Heck, I got an I-Pod for my birthday and still have not been able to set it up. That's a priority of mine. I have access to a boatload of music by golly and will have my I-Pod started by the time I visit my best friend in FLA next month.


Here is how great my friends are--when I told 2 of my best friends I was thinking about going to see my friend Craig, before I even finished my thought, BOTH of them got out their day planners, asked me for the dates and said they would be happy to help with Mom if need be. Both of them said --'just tell me what you need, you know I am always there for you.'


I know my father is going to keep after me....I know my sister thinks she is doing me a favor. I am old enough to know what I want, what I need, what makes me uncomfortable, and what I don't want.


Hmmmm, why is it when others want something, they get it? Yet, I......


My father--"I want to come back into your life."

My sister --"You should let your father hear you sing & allow him back in your life."

Me --"I have a great life the way it is, wonderful friends and choose not to re-read the chapter of my life with my father."


I'm sure I will get overruled --and that's a crying shame.

She dreamed a dream

For some reason, I could not post Susan Boyle's fabulous rendition of "I dreamed a dream" directly from YouTube.....

So either CLICK HERE for the story on wkyc.com or go to YouTube directly.

If you have not seen this, where the heck have you been?

This was fantastic!

Just goes to show "I dreamed a dream."

Also quite the testament that looks are deceiving....preconceived notions are poppycock...everyone deserves a fair chance.....and despite popular opinions or peer pressures, to get biblical just after Easter-- 'whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me.'

First Family Introduces "Bo" the First Dog

All is right with the world!

Boy, did the Easter Bunny dump a load....

As if there was not enough chaos in my life right now....

The Easter Bunny pulled a huge prank (and it's not even April Fool's Day anymore) and dumped a huge load in my lap.

Now, I know I don't have a huge blog following, and to those of you who read this, you may say, 'what's the problem?'

You hit the nail on the head!

I may write in this blog once a day, more than likely with my crazy life 3x a week if I am lucky.

That small opening does not really allow for anyone to get to know me...REALLY know me.

A good thing actually. I don't think I really want complete strangers to know every A, B, and 3 about me, my life and family. As I've said before, this blog's dual role is to continue sharpening my writing skills as well as pondering the great questions of the day or even entertain and bring a smile to someone's face every once in a while.

And I am within my rights to share, vent or pontificate a topic.

But, not really knowing someone or walking in their shoes or knowing what they are going through 24 hours a day does not give someone else the right to 'meddle' or 'think' they know another person's needs.

Frankly, no one knows what I have been going through for the last 4+ years....let alone the last 3 weeks with that crazy guy high on PCP crashing through my company's 'supposedly secure and gated' parking garage --UNDERGROUND --and totalling my vehicle. The man who totalled my car has stolen precious minutes /hours, time, sanity and peace of mind right out from under me over the last number of weeks...and it's not over. Many more hours of lost time AND $$$$$$ await in light of everything I still must do to rectify this situation.

My God and my Mother have been with me the entire time, through thick and thin. Thank God my Mother is better but 4 years ago she was extremely ill.....and though a handful of people have helped (thank you), their 3% is no comparison to the 97% to 100% I've been giving the last 4 years and beyond. I'm just as overwhelmed today as I was 4 or 5 years ago. Even though I have a wonderful life, I really gave up the life I knew and could have had.

We've had help over the years (thank you again) and I do have a few very dear friends I know I can count on, but come on, the masses were not beating down our door when the going got really tough....and still not today. Heck, I'm trying to spend a measly 48 hours with a dear friend....and it's like trying to move mountains and offer my first born (if there ever is a first born) to coordinate this cataclysmic event.

So who's bright idea was it that I 'needed' to reunite with my father? That's not what I need. Not even a blip on my list of things to do. And that's what I am talking about. No one knows what anyone else needs...so don't meddle.....

I'm really not sure what spurred this on....but what I do know is that after 20+ years, on Easter 2009, my father leaves a message saying he would love to come hear me sing at Church.

Again, many of you would say --great! Let him come and listen to you. And that's fine, he can, it's a free world.

But that ship sailed. He borrowed money from me, said he 'needed time to get his life together' and took off.....never to be heard from again....

Until now. A day late and a dollar short. Don't get me wrong. He's a nice man, he's my father and I would not be here today without he and Mom (who is my true hero!). We still send he and my uncle a Christmas letter each year. However, I am not overhauling my life for this man right now. My life is back-timed. Each precious second is already accounted for....

I am rejuvenating my life. I have a rich life just the way it is. I need to focus more on me....my health.....my God-given talents....continue giving 110% at my job.....continue spending quality time with Mom and her great come-back.....as well as my "Dave Letterman top 20 list of things to accomplish in 2009" drafted back on January 1, 2009.

More importantly, there are a number of people I love dearly who I would rather catch up with and spend quality time with.... I am so blessed to have great friends all over the world --grade school, high school, college and career-wise who, because of lifestyles traveling at warped speed, we've not kept up as we'd like, but we HAVE kept up....and when we see each other, it's like we've never missed a beat!!!!


I'm sorry. For those of you reading this right now, I must sound like an awful human being. Again, I do love my father. However, whatever the motivation and good intentions, he picked one hell of a time to resurface. Plain and simple: I don't have the time for him. I don't. My life is booked up with other pressing priorities that take precedent and really mean a great deal to me. I guess I am a bad person, because my father's name is not on that priority list.

I have some big projects I am working on over the next 7 months....and one that was not anticipated (my car situation), and frankly, I don't have the time for this unexpected development.


I just said to Mom yesterday, 'I will always be that 12 year old that everyone bosses around.' In fact, the few conflicts I've been involved in over the last 2 or 3 years were because of that factoid. On one hand folks tell me --"do what YOU want to do." And in their next breath they say, "do this, it's best for you!" And they tell ME what do to...what's best for me.


What's best for me right now is folks not telling me what to do....folks not meddling....folks respecting my wishes and my opinions, whatever they may be....and God giving me the energy, the strength, the courage, the patience, 4 extra hours each day, the perseverance, and the peace of mind to buckle down, take the bull by the horns, and continue crossing off MY to-do list which was drafted back on January 1, 2009.

Not the to-do list that everyone else and their brother 'think' is good for me and my happiness.

A blessed Easter to you all!

Happy Easter!

I'd love to share a little insight into our family Easter traditions!

CLICK HERE for a ride down Easter memory lane...

And have a Blessed and Happy Easter to you and yours!

Beneath the pomp and circumstance and flowers and candy is the real reason for the season.

Savor it.

'With faith in God, we know we are not alone'

I admit, usually an upbeat person, I've been going through a bad stretch since my car was struck by a man high on PCP as it rested in my company underground parking garage.

I know. I've been told about 212 times how no one was hurt and I am very lucky. And I agree. I was not injured, no one was injured. My guardian angel was watching over this situation.

I know it is only a car. I'm over that as well.

But let me tell you. My life has been turned upside down. Though not injured, folks forget that emotional stress, strain, duress, and hardship can oftentimes be much worse BUT there is no way really to record and calculate the toll it takes on a person.

Not only have I had 200x the stress placed on my shoulders...my life agenda has been put in disarray. I am even further behind.

It's ironic what I do for a living. My life is a television show which is closely back timed. Every second in my life is accounted for and utilized. Taking care of a parent or elder person, working a full time job, and just trying to keep it all going, allows for not much spare time. Who am I kidding. No spare time.

At the beginning of Lent, I sat down and outlined what major projects I needed to tackle over the coming months....well, I actually was coming along swimmingly well until that fated day.

It's amazing how one bad decision by a stranger has impacted my life, so quickly.

I can not get ahead. No matter how hard I try. No matter how I try to fend off sleep. It's no good. I can not get ahead monetarily and with my precious time.

Over the last few weeks, I've had everyone come up to me and offer advice. I do appreciate the advice. I greatly appreciate the support also given by my friends and many co-workers. But frankly, without walking in my shoes and knowing me and my family's needs, it's really hard to hear some of the wise words of wisdom:

• do this, do that
• hire a lawyer
• don't hire a lawyer
• take the money and run (which is hardly enough to get a car of any type)
• get a new car
• get a foreign car, they are cheaper (not doing this)
• get a cheap used car
• lease a nice car
• get your car fixed
• get a sports car
• get an suv
• it's a sign --good time to get a car
• don't worry
• sue everyone
• change insurance companies
• go to a salvage yard and buy 50 dollar doors (not a bad idea)
• don't get the car fixed until you have to
• junk the car (can't do this just yet, it runs perfectly)
• take it to my auto body, no mine, no mine, no mine
• pray over it, a lot
• God will take care of it all

The list is endless.

Those of you who know me, know that when there is a big decision I take my time in solving it and consider EVERY option.

I truly believe I will look back on this a month from now, and HOPEFULLY the situation will be rectified somehow, in a way acceptable to our needs.

I am not a young, single chick who can fly by the seat of her pants. I have a huge responsibility in caring for an elderly parent. Unfortunately, those not living with, taking care of, or dealing with this issue on a regular basis don't really have a clue what it all entails. My life as I once knew it is gone forever.

The car I purchase or lease or re-construct has to cater to me and my parent's needs.

Right now, it is hell.

I can't stop thinking if this would have happened to someone else??!?!?! But then, I can't think about that. I have to focus on the here and now and my situation.

I DO believe. I DO have faith. I DO know that in the midst of this chaos and hard times, God is the one carrying me leaving the single set of footprints.

I've had much worse happen in my lifetime and unfortunately, will endure much worse when people I care about begin going up to see their maker.

But really, how much can one person endure?

However, each day since the fated event, during our daily Lenten readings, God has given me signs.

• 'Faith gives us hope, courage and comfort in the most trying of times. With faith in God, we know we are not alone.'
• 'I do nothing on my own, but I say only what the Father taught me.' John 8:28b
• 'The power of prayer is amazing. God can give us strength and provide us with a sense of peace.'
• 'The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation'...Exodus 15:2

I've been able to laugh a lot over the last 2 weeks. It's not that I am being flippant. Laughing with those I love and close friends has helped me deal with this situation. I thank God that he has brought uplifting moments, fun times, enjoyable events, and lighter conversations to take my mind off that fateful day.

Keep the faith.

Our Rock Hall Induction Experience

Another one crossed off our bucket lists!

What a way to characterize a history-making, once-in-a-lifetime experience! And to share this with my Mother! Now, that is sheer perfection!!!!!

Well, even though it has been crossed off our bucket lists, I sure hope we have one hell of a chance on making it to future Cleveland Induction Ceremonies! That's for sure. This is my element. OK, the music portion is my element. I am a vocalist. And a connoisseur of music, all genres. Later in this post, I'll get to what is NOT my element and what made our Rock Hall Induction Ceremony, at times, exasperating.

We lucked out. We are charter members of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum. However, when tickets to the general public went on sale, Mom and I got shut out --8 times!

We both tried the call in days.

We both tried the log in days.

We waited in line.

Finally, we just put our names on a list and hoped that in the end, they released a handful more tickets for Rock Hall Members.

Sure enough, the Thursday before Inductions, Mom got a call asking if we were still interested. Heck yea!

The tickets for the 'common folks' were quite expensive but well worth it.

We had one sticking point. Though Mom's recovery has been great and she is back, her mobility at times needs a little assistance. When we know we have to walk long distances or wait in line for a period of time, it's better for us to take 'assistance' of some sort. Hence we asked if they had a handicapped area. And they did.

We're going to the Rock Hall Inductions!

Now there is going to be a mix of ecstasy and disappointment in the lines that follow.

The ecstasy circles around the performances and the history being made. How could you NOT realize you are witnessing a little slice of heaven jamming to the finale with the guitarists of Metallica, Jimmy Page, Ronnie Wood, Jeff Beck, Joe Perry and so many other greats. I mean, come on!

From the get go, when the announcer counted down the seconds to the show open on LIVE TV and then said "Live, from Cleveland Ohio." Chills, that's all I can say!

Little Anthony and the Imperials opened the show sounding PERFECT! Everyone throughout the entire Public Auditorium, which looked lovely, was jamming.

Every act that performed thrilled the crowd and did not let anyone down....Wanda Jackson still jamming in her 70's....Cleveland boy Bobby Womack still has his set of pipes.....Mom and I REALLY enjoyed listening to the master, Jeff Beck who wound up jamming with Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page during his performance...and then the entire auditorium got nuts when Metallica, all dressed in suits, started rocking the joint. I must admit, not Mom's favorites BUT she knew she was witnessing the likes of something never to be seen again.

The introductions were heart warming and informative. None of them were too long until the end when Flea ran wild introducing Metallica. Up to then, the show had retained its decorum and swiftness. Then Flea uncorked the swear words for the first time all night and went on longer than Metallica's acceptance speech.

We hung it out knowing there would be a master jam session at the end. That's the best part, hearing and seeing everyone jump up on stage and play together as one entity. The first jam session encore was a performance of 'Jailhouse Rock' while the finale was 'Train kept a rollin'.

It was great seeing the stars in the crowd as well the likes of Run DMC, Eric Carmen, local politicians such as the Kucinich's, Harlan Diamond, many local judges...the list is endless. A who's who.

Priceless. Pinch me!

A night never to be forgotten.

Now, comes the 'not so perfect part' of the night. Sure, the simple fact that we were there --that's enough.

But let me tell you, getting there was a cluster (I will leave off the F word that usually follows cluster!).

First of all, I really felt for the first time like I was a 'have-not.' There were the 'haves' who were being wined and dined and took home their Gibson care package bags. Then there were the 'have nots' who were treated like second class citizens. Let's face it, if it were not for the fans, these musicians might not be where they are today. The Rock Hall may not be as popular as it is today.

Getting into the Auditorium with a handicapped situation was IMPOSSIBLE. The red carpet was blocked by gawkers. There was no signage where to go if you could not do steps. We labored for a while as to where to and how to enter. Finally, we painstakingly made the trek up the stairs. Once inside, another major cluster. All the while, I was worrying we would not be in our seats on time because of the disorganization of the venue and possibly Rock Hall. You see, you had to be in your seat by 8pm or you got shut out until the next commercial break.

We were told over the phone by Rock Hall personnel they would escort us to the handicapped section. We spoke to 10 people associated with security and Public Hall who looked at us like we were speaking a different language. They directed us in circles. All the while, being a major worrier I was afraid we would not be in our seats at 8pm because of SOMEONE else's screw up.

They even sent us up the elevator unattended. We got up there and were standing alone in the corridor fretting. No one in sight. No help in sight.

Hadn't a clue where to go.

I hopped back on the elevator and went back downstairs to a place where at least there were people.

Got back down. Waited some more to grab someone's attention.

Finally, a beautifully dressed woman in red knew exactly where we should go. We haphazardly stumbled upon her as she was escorting in her party. If we would not have run into her, we STILL may be standing alone in the bowels of Public Auditorium.

They took us to the handicapped section which was on the floor in the back. It was also in a huge wind tunnel and behind a bar area.

We could not, at first, take part of the bar area. That was reserved for 'others.' I had to be escorted up 6 ramps to the commoners concession stand where I stood for 15 minutes worrying I'd miss the beginning of the show. Had to be escorted back down.

Finally, during the show a little man from the bar came and asked everyone in the handicapped section if we needed anything to drink.

The least they could do. Mom and I were lucky. I can walk. She can walk. However, she could not have walked up 6 ramps and neither could many of the other folks in our section.

Now this is what really got me. I am at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. That's why I am there. You have people sitting at the front tables who really did not realize they were witnessing history. I can not tell you how many people blocked the handicapped section view by standing at the bar all night with their backs to the ceremony, talking loudly at the top of their lungs making it nearly impossible to hear portions of the show. They did not care what was going on up on stage. They just cared about getting smashed at the bar and saying they were at the Rock Hall Inductions. So many people left BEFORE the end of the evening. What a drag.

It's a crime that many folks who really did not appreciate what they were witnessing got pampered to the max while those who should have gotten the star treatment were resigned to the 'back of the bus.'

I tried really hard not to let these folks get to me.....because I was at the Rock Hall Inductions with Mom and they were GREAT.....

I'm not in the 'in crowd' and probably never will be. Believe it or not I know a lot of people but apparently not well enough to get whisked away to events such as these, or loges at baseball games or anything like that!! And I guess I am ok with that. But it sucks (I know not the most educated word) when you see folks who misuse their power, or abuse their power and charm just to get something.

Then you had the directive no cameras, no photography yet there were people flashing all night. There was even a wall set up where people could stand to take pictures with the rock hall logo behind them. I play by the rules. Maybe that's why I DON'T GET AHEAD and am NOT in the 'in crowd'! I did not take my camera. We did not get any pictures. I followed the rules and again, got _ _ _ _ _ _. Then, I was hoping to buy some type of program or souvenir. If there were stands, they were not where we were ushered off.....nowhere in sight could I spend my money I set aside for this great night. That's the awful thing about it, I can afford to spend money on an event like this, but am not given the opportunity. I'm a 'have not.'

However, that said, foibles of the evening and all put behind us, Mom and I were at the 2009 Rock Hall Inductions, know how lucky and blessed we are...know that no matter how mortals treat us or how we feel, God is always on our side. Even if many of those dressed in monkey suits and long dress ballgowns did not realize what they were witnessing, we realized the enormity of this event, enjoyed it to the fullest, had a BLAST making history together, and savored every single morsel and moment!!!!!