Drum roll, please

Every day situations arise which demand decisive action & decision-making.

Each decision pieces together our life and sends us in a specific direction.

At times, we may regret those decisions and wish for a 'do-over!'

Luckily, being of sound, mind and body, I'm generally happy with my decisions, and extremely proud of the life I've made for myself.


Drum roll, please. I've made yet another decision today.

I'd prefer NOT to let my father back into my life.

I never pushed him out to begin with...that was his doing....but ya know, it was a good fit.

Let me take you back a few pages in my novel (and feel free to look back a few blog entries to Easter Sunday).

Mom and Dad got divorced when I was small. They were friends and still are. We all were civil and he would visit me once a week.

I have to be honest, it was a drag. There were things I would have preferred doing than being 'forced' to act like I was enjoying myself because the courts demanded he visit once a week.

Then poof--maybe 20 or so years ago, he had 'issues' and removed himself.

Frankly, fine by me. 20 years ago I was in the midst of a fantastic career with fantabulous friends, a whole life ahead of me, and a wonderful family who did everything together.


Then, after a blog post where I said my father really has missed out on a lot --all of our baseball trips, the fun parties and dinners we've had, and hearing me sing, my sister began the quest to reunite me and my 'estranged' father.


Well, that's not what I wanted or want. However, usually, what I want gets overruled by the 'adults' in my life because of course, everyone else knows what's best for me.


Today's revelation is quite liberating (yet I am sure it will NOT be honored). After I sang my first Mass, Mom said she was going to go to the next Mass. Very odd and I knew right then my father would be at the next Mass with my sister. Especially because Mom was not feeling well but kept pressing the issue...


Sure enough, we walked in and my father and sister came to meet us. No feelings whatsoever for him. No excitement. Frankly, a waste of my precious time. In my opinion, he was outright rude. He spoke incessantly leading up to Mass. He disrupted and distracted everyone in choir as we practiced. In fact, one of my choir members asked me who he was and asked if he could tell him to shut up! Now, for someone that came to hear me sing, I don't believe it for a moment. After Mass, not a single 'well done,' 'nice job,' 'you are fabulous,' 'I can't believe it,' nothing! But honestly, I did not expect anything less from him.


He actually creeped me out. Acted like more of a date saying "can I call you and see you again?" That's just creepy.


If I were on a date, I would have excused myself early and got the heck out of Dodge...and said, 'no I'm sorry, you can't call me again!'


Now, I'd like to share another tidbit from my first Mass of the day which helped me come to my realization. I saw many good friends who are near and dear to my heart. I look forward to seeing them each weekend. I've known many of these people my entire life and they would do just about anything for Mom and I.

A special surprise: the mother of a boy I went to grade school with was sitting a few rows from where I was singing. I had not seen her in years but I immediately knew who she was. I gathered she did not quite put 2 and 2 together but was smiling from cheek to cheek at my singing. At the sign of peace she came over and told me how blessed I was for my gift of song. She asked me my name and when I told her, the light went off above her head, her eyes brightened and she knew exactly who I was. I wanted so to speak with her and she with me but she had to leave early for her grandchild's baptism.


I have SOOOO many of these people in my life. They are all blessings. They range from family members on my Mother's side to kids I grew up with in grade school, high school and college who I STILL keep in touch with to this day! They are former co-workers, current co-workers and others who've crossed my path along the way. Heck, I recently re-connected on Facebook with a bartender who used to work at one of my favorite bars. He wrote me a note saying he still has the Indians' birthday card I sent him. It touched me and made my week!


I am truly blessed. I have good friends, good people in my life. I also am in the midst of a very chaotic, jam-packed ride which, thankfully because of my organizational skills/multi-tasking/and prioritizing, kinda stays on track.


There's not a lot of 'free time.' And that's just it. In my free time, I'd MUCH rather spend time with those people in my life I REALLY care about.....I love......instead of going through the motions and wasting my precious time.


Oh, I could make up an excuse and say I am too busy. Not it at all. Outright --I have made the conscious decision to do what I want, see who I want and unfortunately, my father's not on that list.


In my spare time, which is quite precious, I have so many others I'd rather gather with, spend quality time with, or just take a few hours for me--day at the spa, read, workout or clean. Heck, I got an I-Pod for my birthday and still have not been able to set it up. That's a priority of mine. I have access to a boatload of music by golly and will have my I-Pod started by the time I visit my best friend in FLA next month.


Here is how great my friends are--when I told 2 of my best friends I was thinking about going to see my friend Craig, before I even finished my thought, BOTH of them got out their day planners, asked me for the dates and said they would be happy to help with Mom if need be. Both of them said --'just tell me what you need, you know I am always there for you.'


I know my father is going to keep after me....I know my sister thinks she is doing me a favor. I am old enough to know what I want, what I need, what makes me uncomfortable, and what I don't want.


Hmmmm, why is it when others want something, they get it? Yet, I......


My father--"I want to come back into your life."

My sister --"You should let your father hear you sing & allow him back in your life."

Me --"I have a great life the way it is, wonderful friends and choose not to re-read the chapter of my life with my father."


I'm sure I will get overruled --and that's a crying shame.