Lent Day #14

It helps reading daily scripture. Seeing that the greatest disciples in the world, the men and women whom God deemed leaders and set up on a pedestal sinned, just like me.

Peter denies being a follower of Jesus for the 2nd time. How many times have I denied something or better yet, just said nothing at all. Though not the right thing to do, just seeing that Simon Peter caved in and showed his weakness gives me the strength to try again. So, I may have failed at something today or let someone down, but that is no reason to throw in the towel. Ironically, for every one disappointment, there are a dozen positives. However, why does the one bad move seem so much worse?

Another topic for today's reflections: Heavy burdens. The ordeal we've been going through has been a huge burden, yet so gratifying when seeing the current results! With God's help, we continue making it through. It has not been easy. I understand others may seem "overwhelmed and strained." However, what is exasperating to no end is that no one has opened their eyes wide enough to see how exhausting and difficult this has been for MOM and I! I just keep asking God to help me do the right thing, believe I will have the energy, patience, faith, and strength. No one should ever take the easy way out. It seems in today's society of NOW and FAST and IMMEDIATE and the EASY BUTTON, not too many people make sacrifices anymore or go above and beyond the call of duty.

At times, I admit, I'm a little bitter and feel sorry for myself. I try so hard not to be, because that is not becoming and not 'God-like.' But when I hear phrases like --"they just have to live their lives!" Well, 'yours truly' has a life that really wants to be lived too! You gotta laugh or you will cry! But, I've learned to let it go. I've resigned myself to the fact that, at this time, I am the proud owner of a very heavy responsibility. With responsibilities come sacrifices. Taking care of myself (doctors' appointments, exercise, general health), taking care of the house, travel, friends, just 'hanging out,' having a boyfriend, having even one refreshing cocktail once in a while, or just being me is on hold. If my Mother needs me, I have to be on the top of my game 24/7. I was supposed to visit my dearest friend soon in Tampa, Florida. That is an impossibility.

I have to let it go. It started making me physically ill. Eyes twitching, asthma attacks, shortness of breath. I can not let the actions (or lack of action) of others dictate my life, my health or my Mother's life. God will take care of us. We just have to believe, stick to our convictions, and lift up our burdens to Him!

Amazingly enough, this Lenten season has helped me forgive and move forward. I could NOT do it without God. Everyday I need God and others to tell me, "let it roll off your back. God will help carry that burden." And you know what, He will and He has!