The snow never stopped in February carrying over into March. It came down and continued piling up.
And then it seemed as if, within days, we had temperatures of 76 degrees!
When the big thaw came, it uncovered many casualties of winter: cracked asphalt, vehicle tracks on the grass, salt-stained driveways, mowed over plants, the missing stick which guides the plow guy, and this uniquely crafted bird nest which had fallen from its perch atop the gutter plummeting down to its earthly resting place.
This nest had been a fixture atop the side door for at least 2 years if not longer.
Everyday we'd look up there to see if there were any signs of life. Some days yes, some days we could not see anything but we could hear the beautiful songs coming from the residents.
When I first saw the bird nest just laying there, my heart broke for the family living inside. I checked to see if there were any eggs, any birds which had taken their tumble with it.
Thankfully, nothing.
Mom always taught me never to get too close to a nest, or any 'house' an animal concocted for you never know what diseases linger inside.
However, I could not stay too far away marveling at the precise handy work by these creatures of God.
Each twig intertwined one by one. When all is said and done, there must be hundreds interwoven together.
This is one of those miracles which would make Mom say, "this is a true sign there is a God" or "for those people who don't believe in God, all they have to do is open there eyes and take a look at this miracle!"
Then my next thought went to my life these days.
It's rough. Each day is a struggle where I feel like my life is unraveling faster and faster, just like this bird's nest.
But, I am Marianne's daughter. I'm never down for long, especially since Mom and God lift me up every single day.
It's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G the signs they give me to carry on and to show me that they ARE the other set of footprints in the sand.
I take a deep breath and marvel at what I accomplish each day. Getting there may be chaotic but I always make it to the finish line.
Completing each hour may appear impossible. When it's one of those days where I don't even get into the shower until 8 minutes before I am supposed to leave for work .....or I am so overwhelmed by my long to-do list that I roll over when the alarm goes off and sleep until 55 minutes before I have to leave for work, it's a wonder I get anything done.
It was not always like this. And this is NOT me. In fact, when I was describing this to my best friend in Tampa, he was speechless. I thought I had put him to sleep. Finally, he snapped out of his coma and said to me, "Snap out of it! This is not you. You were the one who had every second of every day planned out in Key West! The one who never needs any sleep. That's the girl we need back!"
I think I've moved into the next phase of grieving where at first, I was crying everyday, but now I feel so overwhelmed, I can not deal with life and retreat.
Once I get up and moving, I DO! I conquer everything and complete great feats, though maybe a little rushed. And when I see the mountains I've moved in the course of the day, I am proud of who I am, of where I came, thankful to God from the bottom of my heart, and energized NOT to give up. I definitely can not get through the day without Mom and without God.
I really don't know why I am still here, but I know God is in charge and has a plan for all of us so I have to keep plugging along and never dispute Jesus Christ.
Mass was very difficult today. Father announced that one of Mom's dear friends had passed away. She was 95, soon to be 96, but she was a fireball. The first vision that came to my head was Mom and Aunt Lucy greeting her at the pearly gates. I'm sure they did. They were all such good friends.
But, it brought me down. And the flood gates opened at Church again but I had to sing. And, that's my first example of how Mom and God are there for me. When I am set to sing, I do it.
What happened next, as usual Jesus brought me right back up.
Two songs particularly brought me back to life.
Words from 'There is a Balm in Gilead':
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul
Sometimes I feel discouraged and think my work's in vain
But then the Holy Spirit revives my soul again
Don't ever feel discouraged for Jesus is your friend
And if you lack for knowledge, he'll ne'er refuse to lend.
Then we sang 'The Glory of These Forty Days' which really brought me back:
So Daniel trained his mystic sight, delivered from the lion's might
Every day, God delivers me from the lion's might and saves me! I can't let God or Mom down, ever!
At the end of the day, though the newspapers are in a huge mound in my living room from November, 1/2 of them unopened....the mail tossed in one huge pile while the recyclables tossed in another strategically placed circle on the floor.....no clean clothes to speak of and dirty ones strewn about.....shoes dotting the carpet wherever I felt like kicking them off......and my to-do list continues to grow....at the end of the day, I have MADE it to the end of the day with help from my guardian angels.
And, I vow to never give up or completely let my nest unravel.
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