Reliving Mom's ailments & being a caregiver

Half the time I haven't a clue what I wore yesterday, if I remembered to wish a friend happy birthday, or if I ate that day.

Yet, there are moments in my life burned in my memory. And if they are not tattooed on my brain, they are resurrected as people dear to me experience similar events.

Two current situations have opened the floodgates of being Mom's caregiver for so long.

My best friend is stranded in Cleveland as he recovers from breaking his foot. His only mode of transportation most of the time: me.

I can not tell you how I'm reliving all over again a trip to the doctor with Mom. It's uncanny. I used to watch her like a hawk when walking with her walker. I'd be holding onto an article of her clothing determined never to let anything happen to her.

Fast forward to 2011 and I'm doing the same thing. I truly believe I will be taking care of those I love for the rest of my life, and that is definitely not a bad thing. I so miss taking care of my Mother. I hurt constantly I miss her so.

I help my friend down the steps with his crutches, walk very slowly right next to him so he does not take a spill, help him get in the car, park as close as I can to the medical center....I am reliving every single moment. I tell him, 'who cares if we go 5x slower than everyone else. Safety first.'

I must admit, and he hates when I do this, I'm constantly spewing medical jargon. My Mother's doctors and nurses used to ask me if I was a nurse? "Are you in the medical field?" And when I said no, they were in shock because I knew so much...I take great pride in that characteristic.

Now, I just wish he'd listen to me!

The nurse was showing him how to wrap his foot --only once a week. I said, "That's nothing, I had to do the exact same thing to my Mom's leg 3x a day!" And then of course I started a conversation with the nurse and he just sat there rolling his eyes!

My friend will be fine, so this situation does not seem so grave. Though he is still in pain and the initial stages of recovery, we know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

A second situation involving another friend is much more serious and transports me to more dire times with my Mom.

The Mother of dear friends from grade school is currently in the hospital with pneumonia. She goes to my church too. When I heard that, my heart sank and I envisioned the dozen or so times Mom was in the hospital with pneumonia. It all came rushing back to me, I started visibly shaking, and I just can't seem to get these visions or experiences out of my mind now.

The irony of it all: Mom WAS in the hospital many times with pneumonia. She'd always wind up in ICU and then wound up out at Heather Hill for rehab. I'd be at the hospital anytime I was not at work, every day. I'd go for days without showering. I'd sleep on the love seat right next to the phone just in case the call came in....I did not care if she was in a coma, not responding, or had a breathing tube. I knew she could hear me. I'd talk to her. I'd put her favorite show on tv so she could listen. I might read something to her. I knew all the nurses, the doctors, knew how to read all the monitors. I had a bag always in my car with everything Mom would need during a hospital visit.

There were at least 5 or 6 times the doctors did not think she would make it and she did. The final time she was in the hospital, none of us had a clue she'd die. We were all sure she'd recover like she had so many times before. We were all caught off guard and my Mother died.

Because of that, I guess I've become a pain in the ass to those friends I really care for and/or love. I 'preach' to them how important it is to spend quality time with family members and close friends (those that mean something to you). My broken footed friend has an 86-year-old mother. I've been lecturing him ever since he moved away and I lost my Mom that he should spend more time with his Mother.

Actually, same thing with my friend whose Mom currently has pneumonia. I've been preaching to him that he shouldn't work as much, should try to enjoy life a little more, and maybe spend quality time with family and (cough, cough LOL!) good friends.

I am stunned at how every time I get an update from my friends about their Mom, I revert back to reliving a pneumonia hospital stay with Mom.

I've said this before and will say it again, I will never say "I know how you feel" because I don't. And no one has ever or will ever know how I feel inside about anything currently going on in my life.

When my friend gives me a little tidbit on his Mom, I feel like I am standing in the hospital next to my Mother's hospital bed. There are times when I would like to say something, but I keep my mouth shut. All I can do is support my friends and hope they know I am there, 24/7. Though I may not know exactly how they feel, I've lived through this more times than most.

I do know the toll no sleep, worry, trying to maintain your daily responsibilities as well as spending as much waking time with your sick family member can have on the caregiver. I'm still recovering and honestly don't know if I will ever fully recover.

My friend's Mom has had good moments, bad moments, good again and bad again. Last I heard, she was on the upswing.

I believe in the power of prayer. I believe everything happens for a reason, when it is supposed to happen. We may never, ever understand why something happens until we die. But, I'm sure every single breath has a meaning and teaches a lesson or has an impact on someone.

I've really gleaned much since Mom's death. I know who I DO want to spend time with, who I DON'T!

Maybe after all these two very dear friends of mine have been through, they will add me to their list of people they cherish and they'd like to spend quality time with...before it's too late.