The final home game of the 2010 season

I can honestly say in convincing fashion, I am not bad luck for 'my' Cleveland Indians!

For a fleeting moment, I thought I was....but after attending the last 7 games in a row and winning the last 6, I'm off the hook!

What a ride! What a whirlwind!

The last week has been surreal with a number of '1sts,' memorable moments, emotional events on and off the field, and downright fun!

Spending the 1st part of my week off with my best friend started the ball rolling.

And all week with 'my' Cleveland Indians --pinch me!

Mom IS channeling through me as each day goes by and I get even more love for the Tribe, skyrocketing interest which I never knew was possible, and such joy from watching them day in and day out.

However, the season is winding down and that sadness approaches.

I know I have one more month of baseball --and it should prove to be the most exciting baseball of the season, but 'my' Indians will not be part of it.

This is the time of the year when I don't get too down because I know once the World Series ends, we have the holidays, and then January to catch up and get everything done before Spring Training revs up. Yes, I said it. January is my 'get into gear baby' because pitchers and catchers report mid February! Whew hoo!

Fitting and wild that the final home game turned into a traditional double header.

The weather was beautiful --no coat, nothing needed!

I hit both games my friends and they were magnificent.

I've seen a bunch of firsts this week including Luke Carlin's 1st homer as an Indian and Vinnie Pestano's 1st MLB save.

But toward the middle of the 2nd game, it all started hitting me. I went through this entire season without Mom physically sitting next to me, though I know she was there.

I so miss her expertise on the game, her love of this national pastime, her pride in Cleveland and her Cleveland Indians, and the 'queen' of Jacob's Field.

I've worn her baseball jacket all week. I have not needed it until now and it was perfect.

I could not get through this night without shedding many tears.

As I glanced around the ballpark and realized that this IS my home away from home with so many memories throughout my entire lifetime....I would have a huge void in my life without baseball and 'my' Cleveland Indians.

I was surrounded by friends. At the beginning of the 2nd game, I ran into a family I'd known almost my entire life and ironically they were just one row over from me.

Even people I did not know --being in the ballpark for the last 6-7 hours, we all bonded.

My usher, Bob and his wife were on hand.

And true fans who just loved the game of baseball and could not pass up seeing the final game, though there was nothing at stake!

Even better, when the Tribe did something extraordinary, I got a text from a great friend of mine, Marc, who shares my love of the game. He made me laugh so many times during the game when I really felt like crying.

At the final out, the flood gates opened.

Everything that had built up over the last 162 games and the last 11 months since Mom has been gone came out in full force and I could not stop crying. The Indians won. It was an exciting season for the true fan. I went through the entire season Mom-less. I would miss my guys over the next 4 months....and so many other thoughts and emotions were slamming together.

Karen, my usher's wife, saw my disposition and ran down to give me a huge hug.

THAT my friends is how lucky Mom and I have been over the years. Baseball, win or lose, has only had positive effects on our lives, has given us very good friends, and has allowed us to make countless memories for the rest of our lives.

I really lost it when the entire team ran out with bags of signed baseballs and started tossing them to the fans who went the distance with them....waving....signing autographs.

Chris Perez, who just had a little baby, closed out the final game. He was the post game interview guest.

After his interview, he got his bag of autographed baseballs, and passed them out to the fans. He was the lone player left on the field yet so appreciative of the fans thanking HIM for a great year that he signed autographs for countless fans until they started turning the ballpark lights out.

I finally had to tear myself away from the ballpark knowing that soon enough, I'd be back, and so would my guardian angel.

Count your blessings

We are in the homestretch on many fronts.

My best friend has only a few more days in town. Looking at the glass full, at least he has been in town. I may not have seen him as much as I'd liked but I'm blessed to have spent a few days in his company.

No one knows where life takes us...more than likely I will not see him again for 9 or 10 months. Again, really, I have no idea what I am doing tomorrow so I can't even make that ridiculous blanket statement and look into the future.

We hit an Indians' game but first, I gave him the downtown tour.

Now he is from Cleveland but has lived out of state for a few years.

I really wanted to show him the groovy East 4th experience....and then we just let the spirit move us and walked all over downtown. Heck, we had the time, so we walked and talked and enjoyed my wonderful city.

Another tradition we kept alive --going to the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo! We hit it every summer and could not let this summer pass without a visit.

We actually lucked out. What a beautiful day --upper 80's to 90's just like I like it and he is used to, without the crazy humidity of FLA....a great 30-40mph wind....and our own private tour through the Giraffe house unveiling a few other surprises which I am not privy to share until my friend Sue says it is ok!

I felt like a kid again, especially slurping down my Icee!

What a wonderful couple of days.....which ended with yet another trip to the Indians' Game, Beatles' fireworks, and a Tribe win!

We are also in the final countdown of my Cleveland Indians' season.

People think I am crazy because we did not have a winning season. But watching this team day in and day out, we've made progress and every game was exciting.

I can't stand people who look at the Sports Page headline and just see the score without knowing how hard the players worked, if new ground was broken, if records were achieved, or if firsts were accomplished.

I adore this team. I always have and the last few years have been really fun. We have a good team. I'm not really sure what upper management will do to help or hurt it in the off season but if we continue with the following line-up, we will be making great strides:

Matt LaPorta at 1st

Jason Donald at 2nd w/Jordan Brown backup utility infielder

Asdrubal Cabrera at ss (or Omar Vizquel)

Jayson Nix at 3rd base (or Omar Vizquel)

Trevor Crowe/Michael Brantley/Shelley Duncan in left

Grady Sizemore in center

Shin Soo Choo in right

Travis Hafner OR Jim Thome as DH

Carlos Santana/Lou Marson /Luke Carlin catching

Carmona /Talbot/Masterson/Carrasco/Tomlin/Gomez pitching

Perez closing with various set up men (sipp/smith/perez/germano/lewis)

I love this team! And with Mom's divine intervention over the next few years, so will everyone else!!!!

I mask it well

Remember how I said there are some things I retain...and other things I soon forget. No rhyme or reason, and at times I astound myself at the useless items stored in my brain!

Overall, I've had a pretty amazing summer.

Yet there have been times when I was a basket case, and thankfully, I have the gift of masking it very well.

For instance, I can pull July 13th from my brain as a defining moment where I started losing ground. I had just returned from a very emotional vacation in Tampa on many fronts, one of them being 'The Decision.' I get home expecting to spend a nice evening with a very good friend, who totally blows me off.

The friend I just left in Tampa sensed I was on the edge and after not speaking for at least 12 days, told me, "I wanted to give you your space."

Oh, that is one of my pet peeves: people 'thinking' they know what I'm feeling, how I'm feeling, what will make me happy, and not asking the source what she needs!

Fast forward to this week. I am still a mess. My best friend in the whole wide world is in town but can not really see me for a number of reasons. First and foremost, he's in town to see his elderly Mom. I get it. I told him, "1 year ago my Mom was alive and now she is not. Cherish your parents and elderly relatives." But then I said, ya know, age is not the defining factor. You should handle every single friendship/relationship as if you will not see that person again.

Live every single day like it's your last.

This past Tuesday --another defining moment.

I was a mess. For whatever reason, I kept thinking of Mom.....I missed not seeing my best friend....and I had not heard from another dear friend of mine. Baseball season's winding down and I so wish my Mom could have experienced the fun season I've had 'til now. I cried driving to work. I almost cried at work. I balled my eyes out driving home. I texted my best friend and left him a voice mail which never even got answered until almost 24 hours later.

My best friend is not 2000 miles away --he's here. And he can not call me, text me, or rush over after I tell him I can not stop crying.

I was even further down the well after his behavior.

I have people tossing advice my way left and right. Thank you but no. I refuse to let anyone tell me how to feel. I refuse to suppress feelings. I refuse to avoid places, people, or memories just because they may remind me of Mom. I will continue living. If along the way, a sad moment pops up, I'll deal with it. But I will not let anyone, anything, or any possible memory of Mom sway me from being me and living the way I want to live.

Many places to call my 'home away from home'

We all work so much, it's a given that your work place is more than likely your secondary 'home away from home.'

For me, Progressive Field (better known as Jacob's Field) is really my 'home away from home' and more so this season than ever before!

I've even gone on the road with 'my Tribe' to Tampa, which ironically, though 2000 miles away, has become another 'home away from home' for me!

Not a bad place to visit on occasion.

I've been quite lucky...to have a friend down there. And it seems since he's moved away, we've seen each other more this year than in years past.

I don't have more vacation this year than last or the year before, but it does seem as if I have been off quite often. Each time I'm off, my co-workers will ask 'were you down in Tampa?' And luckily I've been able to answer a few times 'YES!'

So it just seems kinda funny that I was in Tampa last weekend and my best friend's back up north just 5 days later! This amazing life we lead.

Craig arrived in Cleveland and we continued where we left off just last weekend --cheering on our various sports teams: the Indians, the Browns, the Rays....sharing a few cocktails.....enjoying the beautiful weather which is a welcome break from 100 percent humidity down south, and just spending some more quality time together. This is bound to be yet another crazy week spent with good friends!

Life is too short to let it zoom by.....without enjoying the beautiful scenery.

My friend's mom is older. I encourage him to spend as much time with her but also say, NONE of us know how much time we have left. Age is not a quantifying factor. I never mean to be a downer, but I tell him --just one year ago, my Mom was still alive and now she's gone. Enjoy life. Enjoy family. Enjoy friends and what makes you happy!

Have as many 'home away from homes' as you can doing what you love doing!

Ohio fans sure do follow their teams!

I could not believe my eyes when I arrived at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport bright and early on Saturday, September 11, 2010.

Yes, I flew on 9/11. Probably the safest day to fly, though my Aunt told me flights were down by 1/2. Security was extremely tight. Tighter than I'd ever seen it before.

And my eyes were blinded by the sea of Brown & Orange and Scarlett & Gray! I felt like I had joined a huge movement and was loving every minute of it!

The only people storming the airport at 7:30 a.m. were fans traveling to Florida to see the Browns' Game OR heading to Columbus for the OSU Game. It was GREEEEAAT!

On my plane alone, there was a bachelor party of 17 men heading to Tampa to enjoy the Browns' game as just part of their bachelor festivities! But most everyone on the plane was heading to the game.

I guess I just never imagined the phenomenon that would play out the entire weekend.

I was headed to the Browns' game because my best friend lives in Tampa. And he lives right across from Raymond James Stadium. A win-win situation. Free housing and a nice walk to the game!

I wound up renting a car because his car was on the fritz. I was so proud of myself. My family would go to FLA every year so I got my economy rental car, cranked the stereo, and rolled down the windows. No way on God's green earth was I going to put on the air --not after coming from 50 degree Cleveland! I knew exactly where I was going and got there in record time. Oh yea, my friend lives about 10 minutes from the airport. Bonus!

I showed up at his condo and could not believe my wondering eyes! Right across from his place was a huge sign that read 'The Official OSU and Cleveland Browns tailgating party!' Pinch me, I was officially in Heaven!

I sure knew what this weekend was going to be about: Sun, poolside, cocktails, seafood, jamming to great music, the OSU Game, the Cleveland Browns' Game...oh yea, and spending some quality time with my best friend! LOL!

Turn the page to Sunday.

We walked to the stadium and Cleveland fans were tailgating in the parking lot! Was I back in Cleveland at the Muny Lot? It appeared so.

We entered Raymond James Stadium and at least 1/2 of the fans were proudly wearing their orange and brown garb. It was simply amazing! Hotter than heck but no one cared. A nice mid-game rain drenched everyone washing away the sweat and really making it feel like we were back home at Cleveland Stadium with that lake effect rainstorm!

The Tampa fans thought better of mocking anyone wearing orange, brown, or Cleveland Browns' memorabilia because they knew we outnumbered them!

The entire weekend was surreal and dream-like.

Even the plane ride home. Fans had bonded. Travelers were one. We all talked about the game, the trip, and were happy to return home to Cleveland! I could not believe that I was on the plane with a couple I'd known my entire life! I even went to a prom with his brother way back when. Holy Cow!

It is a small world, especially if you are a fan rooting for any Cleveland team --we are EVERYWHERE!

Mom's 'Labor' of love

Though this weekend has always brought bittersweet feelings for me, it surely has been one of Mom's favorite weekends through the years.

For me, Labor Day weekend brought an end to summer, school back in session, baseball season nearing it's final out, and wearing winter clothes again...though I adore the Jerry Lewis Telethon and would stay up all night long to watch the entire show (still do!).

Mom loved the planes. Since she was a small girl and her Dad took her to the air races at Hopkins Airport, she's loved the planes. She wanted to parachute from a plane and be a pilot. I'm sure up in Heaven, she's tried both!

Having her baby brother as a big wig in the Air Force brought her great joy as well bringing her love of airplanes and her country together in perfect harmony.

So come Labor Day Weekend, Mom was in her glory. If the Indians were in town, we'd be at the games and watch the planes buzzing. What a hoot watching the ballplayers eye the planes above rather than the balls flying around or get spooked and caught off guard when a surprise attack forced miscues on the field or in the batter's box.

With my job downtown, we've been very fortunate to be able to have the best seats in the house to watch the air show year after year.

We never missed a show.

Until this year, as a team. The dynamic duo which we were. I know Mom was watching from above. And I was fortunate to have to work Labor Day and then zoom up to the roof to join my family to watch the festivities!

It's amazing sometimes what I remember and what I don't. I remember exactly what Mom and I were doing last Labor Day. I won't lie. It was a hard one. Mom had dialysis but we still made the Indians' Game. We also did not miss the Air Show.

This weekend was especially bittersweet for all the same reasons and one bigger looming reason. I never dwell on the past. I never sit around moping about Mom. I am so proud that I have continued living, I've not skipped a beat, and carried on just as Mom would have wanted me. I inherited Mom's zest for life. She loved life and lived it 'til her very last breath. But I won't lie. When I do something for the first time without Mom, it's sad and makes my insides hurt like you would not believe.

And having people tell to move on, not remember, or other ridiculous advice I continuously get day after day just makes me outright angry.

This Labor Day I was fortunate to spend a lot of the weekend with my family, which was very nice.

I also attended the Train Concert, which would have been much better if my best friend would have been in town from FLA...but he was not. I could not pass up the chance to see one of my favorite groups, and they did not disappoint. It's amazing what a few cocktails can get you through time and time again!

Overall, an ok weekend. I'm sensing the next few months will be more difficult than the summer has been in light of the upcoming anniversary. But, I will press on and live the way Mom lived, loved, and do what she would have wanted me to do to be happy!

Why can't other people be as spontaneous?

I know. It's their choice as it is your choice.

And, yes, I know about daily responsibilities which encompass most of my days.

Even so, I embrace life each morning as an adventure knowing it could be the last.

I welcome whatever comes my way, especially special serendipities that find their way to me.

I am human, flawed, and not perfect myself.

So yes, I do get upset with others periodically if I believe they could/should be doing something else. Not my call. Not my business. But I am finite until I reach the promised land.

This morning I had a dress fitting, hit the grocery store and did have a long laundry list of other things to do before I got a very unexpected call from a dear friend saying they would be in the neighborhood.

I embraced this opportunity and rearranged my day to spend just a few minutes with them.

I really wish not only this person but a few others would realize that the journey along the way is actually the major accomplishment, not the final outcome.


"If someone seriously wants to be part of your life, they will seriously make an effort to be in it."