I think back a week ago tonight and can not believe that Craig and I were out on the town laughing, drinking, taking in an Indians' Game, and just having a good ole time like the good ole days!
Fast forward to tonight. Well, he's in Tampa and I am in Cleveland but I actually called him because I already miss him. We spoke for over two hours laughing, drinking and having a great time though two thousand miles separate us!
I've known Craig for about 11 years now.
Everyone thought we were dating, probably still do. We are not. We never were. But he is truly my best friend who knows more about me than anyone else (except maybe my childhood friend, Joan. But I have not really seen or spoken to her in years).
I have a core group of friends who I am going to ask to share things about me when I pass. I have never been very open with my family. Kinda hard to believe since I am a loudmouth at work. But, I AM SHY. Very shy. I just don't like talking to people but am working on correcting this issue. Especially in light of my current situation. Plus, people do and can change! Great thing about life! But the norm used to be when Mom and I would drive somewhere, we were usually silent. When I was watching tv, I was usually silent. I don't like doing things alone but when I am with someone, I am introverted. Unfortunately, I think my shyness comes across as being snobby or mean or even bitchy. People can think what they want. Deep down inside I am shy and no one has ever taken the time to help me get through this problem. My sister was 12 years older than me and I always felt like an only child since she was gone and out of the house when I was young. I never really had a sister to chat with, get advice from, learn about makeup and boys and whatever. I always felt as if I was on my own and it was and STILL IS very foreboding and overwhelming.
However, when I die, I really hope that Craig, Monina, Joan, Jimmie, Melanie, Terry, Dale, Tim, Jodi, Katie, Monique, Todd, TV Tommy, Durdak, Stadler, Yak, and Lydia will all gather around with my family and tell the most outrageous stories so that FINALLY my family gets to know me for who I really am/was! They get to hear all the great stories on my tremendous adventures, which for whatever reason, I opted NOT to share with them (doing shots with Jim Thome, hopping on pianos, riding a camel, having Ted Riser sit on my lap and sing to me, oh those Browns tailgate parties, Jimmy's, Have a Nice Day Cafe, Bar Cleveland, Kasey's, those Keeley stories, meeting a married man at the Winchester and doing the RIGHT THING.....the list is endless over the last 'blankety blank # of years!'
Anyhoo, I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason. We may never know WHY but I usually don't fight it!
I really got to know Craig when his father passed away. We hit it off immediately with so many similar interests including music, sports, television, rum!, and our passion for life!
I can not believe we are still friends. We've survived some pretty rough times accompanied with so many more heavenly times.
Right off the bat I was snake bit. Craig brought me home from work one night because my car was in the shop and, in my opinion, my family kind of gave him the cold shoulder. I don't think they did it on purpose, and it's long over. But it made me feel very awkward and uncomfortable.
However, I was so afraid of my own shadow back then, I never brought it up. They were all watching an Indians' game and just kept watching. True, it was late at night and everyone was sleepy, but it was so out of the realm for my normally outgoing, gregarious, fun-loving family. Unfortunately, it put a horrible taste in his mouth to this day. I asked him to blame ME (not them) for not 'pumping him up more' to my family and sharing with them how important this person was to me. It's over and hopefully by the fact that we are still friends, we have tried to put this behind us.
A song will come on the radio and I think of him. Or I'll see an artist and remember when we went to that concert together flashing back to that happy time. Sometimes I feel like his stalker, but don't worry, I am not! I am just very emotional. I am very nostalgic. I have scrapbook after scrapbook and really like remembering good times I've had with family and friends!
I have a great life! If you asked me 20 years ago if would have experienced all the great things I have, I would have laughed in your face! God has been SOOOO GOOD TO ME!
Craig was just in town for a week. I had to work most of the week but spent as much time with him as possible since I may not see him again for another year. We actually only fought I think twice. For us, that's good! It's not really fighting, it's having a cognitive disagreement!
I am really bad at talking on the phone. I do so much of it at work, I hate talking on the phone away from the office. However, I've surprised him. I would NEVER call him. However, since he left, I think I have spoken to him about 7 times! He asked 'why the change of heart?' I'll keep him guessing!
I guess I just realize how much I DO miss my best friend. We have a history now. I am not the kind of person to brush someone off or forget someone just because they are far away. And, more so than ever, I realize how fragile life is. Realistically, I may never see him again. Something could happen to me or him or he may never come home again. So, I am making a huge effort to keep in touch across the miles and revive the great friendship we once shared.
I raise my Bacardi-Diet Coke in honor of my friendship with Craig and hopefully it will be a life-long friendship that just keeps getting better and better!
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6 comments:
Why would your family care when you are dead about hearing the stories about your life from your friends? Do you know how much hurt you have caused your family by shutting us out when we were right there and you refused to even talk to us? But I guess you have no intentions of changing anything if you state that we have to wait till your death to know you. And again, who's gonna care then?? And the only person in our family who didn't like Craig is the person you care for 24/7.
You are right. It's sad that back then, for whatever reason I could not 'share' with my sister and Mother (my 2 mother figures always telling me what to do).
I had very low self esteem and truly believed what I had to say did not matter to anyone.
Those days are gone, and it's unfortunate that it appears that many have written me off. I'm not like that. No matter how many times someone disappoints me, I can not push them out of my life. I keep turning the other cheek, as our Lord instructed us to do.
Through adversity comes growth and change. Mom and I have been through a lot over the last 5 years and have changed immensely, for the better!
I believe EVERYONE should change and evolve into a better person day by day, at work, at play, at home.
Just last week Mom blew us away by asking Craig when he was coming back and telling him how she'd miss him.
What is very tragic & unfortunate in today's busy times is that many people choose to not spend quality time with family anymore, to not give others a second chance, and to not let God work through them to allow them to evolve into a better person.
You talk about back then. What about the last 30 years? When you grew up you stopped sharing anything with me. Were you jealous because I got married? No one stopped you from having a life.
And you keep talking about the past 5 years with mom. I have been there, too. I have only been away for 2 years. And when I did move, didn't I come every single work day for over a year to feed mom or take her to dialysis? Don't I still come 3 days a week and pick her up and take her home and feed her? You act as if you are doing all this alone - 24/7. Haven't I volunteered to have mom at my place on Saturdays so you could have a free day? You won't accept anything unless it's on your terms. And then you say no one will help.
The tragedy is that you have expectations for other people and their lives. And if people "write you off" it's because a person can be yelled at and hurt only so many times before that person says "enough."
BTW...Mom told Auntie she couldn't wait until I moved out because then "Dani would be happy." How do you think THAT made me feel about you?
Your last comment, Janice, is a perfect example of the miscommunications which occur in life.
I feel like I am in a sitcom where the girl loves the guy but never tells her and vice versa and they marry people they really don't love!
Heresay and 3rd hand conversation is poppycock and should be avoided.
Going to the source is the way to go. I hit the source and solve the problem. Makes life much easier, much happier.
I would like to reply to your comments and then move on, because life is too short.
Helping with Mom 3 days a week is a huge help. But trust me, you have no idea what this whole ordeal entails. I would not wish it on any of you but would not give it up. Mom is a great lady!
You are so on the money. When it comes to my Mother, I have very HIGH expectations because this is not a game. This IS a life and death situation. Every night I drive home in horror wondering if I will come home and find Mom dead.
When everyone lived at home, I was still the designated 'take Mom to the doctor girl.' And that has been happening for 5 years.
When Mom has a procedure, I call off from work.
Whether Mom said what she did or not, and I don't believe she did, someone should have talked to me.
Moving out when you did was AWFUL. Mom was STILL in the hospital. When she came home, she could not go downstairs. She wound up back in the hospital. It was awful but it is over and I dealt with it like a mature, responsible daughter. It's long over.
I wish I had a dollar for everytime you and Auntie said 'we decided to do this because we thought it would be best for you.' But no one ever once ASKED me if it would be best for me?!?!
And finally, the offer to have Mom at your house is great. Very appreciated. However, common sense says it is better for someone to visit with Mom at OUR house since all of her things, her necessary items, her O2, the food she can eat, her medicines, and pretty much everything that keeps her alive is at our house!
A nurturing, self-less person would realize that factoid and make the sacrifice every once in a while to spend some quality time with Mom in her own, comfy surroundings as she inches up the time ladder.
I'm sorry I have disappointed you, Auntie and whomever else (though no one has come out and told me specifics!).
I have truly been disappointed as well in many ways and by many people but can not harbor those feelings. I thank God for giving me the strength to move forward with my life and realize how lucky and blessed I truly am! He has taught me to enjoy every day as if it is my last and enjoy the people around me.
Life is good!
hmmm.. I was thinking that I have air conditioning, a computer, a regular bed she could lie in and a toilet she can actually use. But, as usual, you always think I have only selfish intentions. So whatever, Dani ... you be happy living in your world, however slanted it is.
I'm very flattered that anyone is even reading my blog! A million thanks!
The irony of it all is that this is a fun-loving, frivolous, carefree short tribute to a dear friend who I miss (as I miss other dear friends and all family members who we can not visit with as much in these busy times).
Craig, you ARE one of my dearest friends! I do miss you! I am so glad are paths crossed! I can not wait to see you again!!!!!!
XO
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