Her doctor did not even know she was dead???!!?

OK, I'm not gonna get all crazy.

I'm not gonna go off on anyone.

I'm not gonna be negative or even complain.

I'm just telling a tale, a true tale at that, an UNBELIEVABLE true story as it unfolded before my eyes.

[Insert commentary here]
This saga of something that REALLY happened to me is a PERFECT example of why this world is so messed up. We don't communicate anymore. Texting, email, Twitter, Facebook does NOT count. Trust me, over the last 7 weeks alone, I've run across so many individuals and institutions who have lost the fine art of communicating. And what's even more exasperating is WHO is failing this quiz: businesses, banks, government agencies such as social security & pension, medical companies, insurance companies, cashiers, bankers, clerks and just normal folks.
[End of commentary]


I received a message on our answering machine from the office of one of Mom's Doctors. In fact, it was from the office of the main doctor who took care of Mom at the end of her life--her lung doctor.

Her lungs were fine when she went into Hillcrest Hospital (that was NOT the reason we rushed to the ER) but apparently laying in bed, not having anyone get you up or pay attention to you for the first 4 days Mom was there tends to cause pneumonia. Unfortunately, no matter how extensive the treatments, her lungs could not recover to beat the pneumonia or other ailments she picked up DURING her hospital stay.

She passed away.

Her lung doctor was the one who advised her along the way on her options, her treatments, her possible outcomes and was the one who ultimately took her off her oxygen, her meds, and just let her go.


So why in God's name is staff in her lung doctor's office calling our home and leaving messages that Mom has a doctor's appointment?

You are kidding me, right?

A cruel joke?


I am not confrontational and hate making waves. But I could not let this go. However, I did not make a big stink.

But deep down inside, I needed to call the office and let them know they really screwed up. They ALL need to communicate. They need to pay more attention to their patients. They need to think of their patients as people and not numbers.


She was shocked and extremely sorry. But you know, that's not enough. I'm sure this will happen time and time again as doctors today stack up their patients scheduling 4 at a time during the same time slot.


Ironically, Hillcrest Hospital has sent TWO surveys regarding Mom's stay. You can be sure I WILL be filling the survey out and sending it back. I WILL give them a piece of my mind in order to restore PEACE to MY mind!!

I WILL give them much advice including Don't send a survey to a dead person!!!! It WAS addressed to Mom.


Oh, this is not over....trust me. When it has to do with Mom, the love of my life, she will always get justice in the end.

Bruce Springsteen - Lonesome day (The Rising Album)

Multiple platforms with this terrific song--in no particular order. Come on, it's the Boss. He does not have a bad song and keeps cranking out tremendous hits. So many words including the title depict how I feel these days. The 1st time I heard this song when it came out, I must admit, I did not know which one of my "Rocker Hunks" was singing. If you close your eyes and listen closely--especially to the line "I'm gonna find my way," or "It's gonna be ok," it sounds like my other FAVE --Michael Stanley! Either way, it's a WIN-WIN situation and a FANTASTIC song!

My first wake and funeral since Mom's death

I had to go.

Somehow doing the right thing, doing what I needed to do made it ok.

I've always believed that, even when I was a little girl.

Mom would round us up and say we were going here or there. At first, sighs, looks of disappointment, or just a lack of energy and enthusiasm. But once I arrived 'wherever'--whether it be an old Aunt's home or a church function or the wake of a family member I really did not even know, I realized it WAS the right thing to do and felt satisfied and fulfilled.


The mother of one of my dearest friends just passed away after a long bout with brain cancer.

I've known Monina it seems like forever! I would see Linda every time I went to one of her family functions, birthdays, holiday open houses, or a 'just whatever' gathering.

I never even gave it a second thought whether to go or not, regardless of my continuing grief.

And, as usual, I am thankful I attended not only the wake, but Linda's funeral mass and prayers at the cemetery.


I've said this before and will believe it until I myself die.

I hope I will never say "I know how you feel. I know what you are going through."

Because I don't. And no one knows the nightmare I am living.

Amazingly enough, I learned so much from Mom's funeral. I thought I knew how to console people and the proper protocol through the entire dying, death and grieving process. And, believe it or not, I pretty much do.

However, living through this life changing event has fine-tuned every single aspect of death for me.


When I learned Monina's Mom passed away, MY Mom's training kicked into high gear--find out when the wake and funeral are...send flowers....fix a meal.....make a donation....pick out a fitting Mass card....and last but certainly not least, be there for your friend.


I stopped in at visitation on my way to work and did not put a time limit on it. God blessed me by not only being able to pay my respects to Mr. Jimenez, Monina, and Leslie but to be able to visit with two very dear friends of mine: Tommy and Mark. I keep in touch with Tommy and just love him to death. Whether he knows it or not, he's my rock. He helped bring Mom home from Dialysis on many nights and is there whenever I need him. He also is the first Christmas card I get each year which puts a kink in the whole birthday thing. He says he can not send me a Christmas card before my birthday card so winds up sending my birthday card a month early--which ALWAYS brings a huge smile to my face reminding me that someone out there really loves me and remembers me!

I had not seen Mark in ages even though we have a special "Christmas Card Exchange" each Christmas. That's all I will say to keep the tradition special.

I really do not know how Mo feels, but just going through this myself, I was not afraid to let her cry on my shoulder--because I needed that myself....I grabbed her hand and told her she will get through this because I believe she will. I now have first hand knowledge of what helped me get through and maybe, just maybe, those gestures will help others. We ARE going through similar events, which I am sure will only solidify our friendship.

Monina told me 'I can't believe I am saying this but thank God for Brittany Spears and Miley Cyrus. They are the only two artists I can listen to without bursting into tears.'

On this instance, I can say --I know what you are talking about! The ride from the funeral home to our church on the day of Mom's funeral, I listened to our favorite channel, Siriusly Sinatra, for the first half of the trip and was reminded of something special between Mom and I plucked from every single song. Then I switched to my favorite channel, the Springsteen station. Mom played one of my favorite songs, "Jungleland." It was kind of eerie actually that not only one of my faves popped up in a play list of thousands, but it was timed out perfectly. The minute I pulled up in front of church behind the hearse, Bruce sang the famous ending to "Jungleland." Now, every time I hear that song, I burst into tears.


I finally realize why it is so important to sign the guest book, legibly, with complete details. After writing nearly 250 thank you notes, it really helped having the information together in one place.


There were so many other things I have learned over the last 47+ days, hopefully things that will help me grow and cope as well as console and teach others as we all try to survive in this thing we call 'life.'


Linda's mass sent me back to Mom's Mass, where it was quite fuzzy though lovely. I planned the whole thing and I believe it was perfect. However, I also sang Mom's entire funeral and because of that, I could not lay the pall on Mom's casket (my sister and aunt did that) and I was so focused on the music, it was all I could do to not start shaking or break down. I'm sure if I had not been singing my recollection of Mom's Mass would be a bit different from actually being in the congregation.


Since Mom was cremated, we never went to a cemetery, which seems kind of weird now as I waited in line to head to Holy Cross.


As I was following the caravan of what had to be over 30 cars making their way to the cemetery, I realized it's not always good being first--I learned this on the day of Mom's funeral as I was the lead car after the hearse traveling from the funeral home to the church. And unfortunately, my dear dear friend is learning this same lesson today.

I love you Monina.

Merry Christmas from Heaven

The day always seems better when it begins with Mass and worshipping our Lord.

This morning's Mass, on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, was being said for Mom.

Auntie and Uncle Bill joined me, which was a nice treat.

Father Gary's Masses are always special and there were more people than usual being a Holy Day.

After Mass, my Aunt gave me a gift which had come from one of our cousins.

I never imagined it would be so nice. It brought a tear to my eye. After I got it home and actually read the inscription in its entirety, the flood gates opened--but that is a daily occurrence.

It's a beautiful silver ornament which reads 'Merry Christmas from Heaven' and our cousin Evelyn had Mom's name and birthday and death anniversary inscribed on the backside.

If that was not enough, it was accompanied with a prayer written by John Wm. Mooney, Jr. from 1989:

'I still hear the songs, I still see the lights

I still feel your love on cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes and all of your cares

I'll even remind you to please say your prayers

I just want to tell you, you still make me proud

You stand head and shoulders above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment, to stay in His Grace

I came here before you to help set your place

You don't have to be perfect all of the time

He forgives you the slip, if you continue the climb

To my family and friends, please be thankful today

I'm still close beside you, in a new special way

I love you all dearly, now don't shed a tear

'Cause I'm spending my Christmas with Jesus this year.'

She continues to be the smartest woman in the world

I can't tell you how many times over the last 43 days the light bulb has illuminated over my head.

I've looked up to the heavens time and time again, at least once a day if not more and said, "Mom, I finally get it. I understand why you did that. Why you did this 'that way.' You were right and I've been wrong all these years."

Even in death, Mom continues teaching me. Her lessons are more poignant and telling.

I can't believe all that Mom taught us while she was alive. She WAS the smartest woman in the world even though she never got the chance to go to college. She was plucked into the real world in her teens to take care of her family after HER own Mother died at a young age.

She was smart enough to be the best at every career path she chose. She was the 'go to girl.' If you needed something done, you went to Marianne. Even my favorite little dog would go to Mom when she needed ANYTHING. And sure enough, she got it! Mom was Father Zepp's and Father Gary's right arm and helped them run the church. I could go on.....

Every day I'm in awe.

It's a gift from God to get up each morning and an exciting one at that as I look forward to what lesson Mom will teach me today.

Quite awkward

I have a feeling there are many more awkward days ahead.

Wrapping presents Mom bought....and the recipients opening them.

People still asking me 'How's Mom? Where's my girlfriend?'

Making out the Christmas Flower list for church donating Poinsettias 'In Memory of Mom.'

Worse yet, scheduling my 2010 Masses and adding Mom's name to the list under 'Death Anniversary.'

Soon to be sending out our annual holiday Christmas letter to people who are going to get a great shock if they did not know Mom passed away.

Just like family

Time for an oil change.

And the reason I know that is because a little message beeps on, "oil change required." Technology, it's wonderful! What will they think of next?

My dealership is a ways away and I've had people tell me, 'just go to Lube Stop or somewhere closer.'

Well, I'm glad my advice givers did not sway me. I can not tell you how many times I've kicked myself for listening to someone else and not following my own advice.

My dealership is terrific. They are just like family. When I bought my car it was an enjoyable experience rather than a nerve wracking time. Let's face it, the 'reason I needed a new car' was stressful enough and life-changing. I did not need some rude, intense sales person pressuring me.

So right off the bat I loved them! And so did Mom. And, surprise surprise, they ALL loved Mom!

Every time I get my car serviced, I bring the service department a little basket of treats as well as my car salesman. Kenny is a gem. One of the nicest people I've ever met.

What really moved me was when Mom passed away.

I opened a card and Klaben had made a donation in the name of Mom.

I was stunned yet at the same time, not surprised. That's the caliber of the Klaben folks.


So I made the Trek to Kent. It was a wonderful experience.

During my wait, I had quiet time for reflection and my daily prayers.

They fixed me up good as new. I had a great talk with the girl who handled my trip AND I popped in to see Kenny.

We spoke for almost an hour. He just LOVED Mom. It was great being able to relax, unwind, and reminisce about Mom with a friend--without people firing all kinds of questions about my future at me or giving me bad news.


Not only was it an enjoyable trip, but productive. I made 4 other stops along the way.


I love these kind of days! Thanks, Jesus!