Adopted teams & adopted families help me cope with my exhaustion

Be careful what you wish for....

When I was a small girl watching 2 of Mom & my favorite movies: 'Working Girl' with Melanie Griffith and Harrison Ford...and then 'Baby Boom' with Diane Keaton, I said: "I want to be like those women."

WRONG!

The last 19 months of being like those women intermixed with a number of true tragedies have taken their toll on me. Literally.

I am suffering from exhaustion. It's not funny, I'm not joking. I'm mentally, emotionally, and more importantly, physically exhausted.

I thank a number of people who have helped me battle through this condition. My Aunt (and Jimmy) and I have spent time together and shared many meals. In fact, I feel as if we're a new food critic team! We've hit Grotto, Menu 6, and Clifton Deli and they get thumbs up (after we've licked the plates & fingers clean!). Thank you Auntie for making sure I keep my strength up!

My 'adopted' baseball team (in light of the fact that my real baseball team is on hiatus), the Tampa Bay Rays, have been exciting to watch. It's helped me and my best friend bond even more....there are times when, even though we are 2000 miles apart, we'll watch the games together! And this past weekend, he kept texting me the score of the Tampa-Texas game since I was not by a television. It was just awesome! I even wore my Evan Longoria t-shirt to work Saturday morning. I'm sure that's what put them over the top and gave them a little luck!

And I was fortunate to spend part of the weekend with one of my 'adopted families.' I don't want to say they are new because I've known Sheila my entire life. But I guess getting to know her family is fresh and new.

I went to school with Sheila's sister...and we all re-connected on facebook over the last 8 or so months. What a treat! I met Sheila's daughters back in March and we immediately hit it off. We all have been friends ever since. They have put a little life back into my step and have truly shown me that there are still people around who care.

Sheila is a fabulous cook. Being around caring friends and eating a delicious meal really helped me start re-charging my battery, especially on this summery weekend in the 80's. Just what the doctor truly ordered.

I'm lucky and blessed to have friends like Sheila....Craig.... as well as my family. I will not mask it or hide it. My emotions are shot. The death of my Mother, my Uncle, other tragedies and life-changing occurrences in my life which began back in March of 2009 are finally taking their toll on me.

Unfortunately, I'm disappointed in a few people as well, which does not help my emotional tumble off the cliff. I know we can't change others...but there are a few folks I'd really like to spend more time with...I thought they were there for me and up until a few months ago, it seemed as if they were. Maybe they are going through hard times too? Who knows? Feeling like you've been pushed to the curb or dumped does not help the state I'm in.

I am my Mother's daughter and will not be defeated. But I am human. I push and push and push myself and so many others come to me for assistance to be their rock. Most of the time, I am. Right now, it's like I'm in quicksand. But soon, I'll be back and better than ever!

Returning to the last place Mom was alive

My Uncle has been in the hospital for 7 days now.

He has a number of issues but the doctors are not giving us a definitive 'this is what is wrong.'

Ironically, one of UB's docs is Mom's main doctor. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Oh, he was a great guy and brilliant doctor but he nor his team could figure out what was ailing Mom in her last weeks and we all know what happened.

My Aunt really abhors driving so she took the weekend off from being in the driver's seat and had my sister and I chauffeur her to the hospital.

I was looking forward to seeing UB. I've been getting daily updates from my Aunt and just praying the doctors can sort this all out.

He seemed in good spirits always cracking a joke and trying to make us laugh. But you could tell he was not feeling well and frustrated because of it. We talked and watched some of the Olympics.

He was strong enough to walk down to the day room area. This not only got him some much needed physical therapy but out of the 4 walls surrounding him constantly.

He made it there but needed me to taxi him back.

What are the chances that my Uncle would be on the same floor where Mom died?

In that big bad hospital--really, what are the chances?

Well he was.

And upon leaving the day room, we walked right by Mom's final resting place.

Do you know what? I was ok with this. I take that as a sign that I know where Mom is and am so happy for her.

But, I won't lie. The feeling was very weird and not natural. I can not even put into words the way I felt, but it was not sad.

I have been in hundreds of doctors' offices and hospital rooms. Dozens of trips to the hospital.

Yet this time I felt out of place. I was there for someone else. I did not have my Mom and know exactly how to take care of her.

I was out of my element because none of the doctors or nurses on this floor knew me. That was an awkward feeling. Normally, I knew every nurse and doctor by name, and had the lay of the land. The hospital was my home away from home. Not this time. They looked at me like I was a novice who knew nothing of the medical business. I actually started getting a bit perturbed by the indignant vibe being emitted my way.

I can not tell you how many people who dealt with Mom asked me if I were a nurse or in the medical field! I knew so much, asked the right questions, and knew technical facts as well.

And these people are speaking to me explaining things as if I am a 2 year old who had never been to this hospital before?

I really started getting a bit hot under the collar (inside only) but simmered down.

It was not worth it.

I was there to see my Uncle and pray that he will be out of this God forsaken place soon enough so none of us will have to go back for a long, long time!