One girl's journey through a marvelous adventure we call life! I think it may be more therapeutic for me but hopefully stimulating and thought-provoking, even enlightening for whomever may stumble onto this road. Cheers!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
'Stupidest' Answering Machine Message
Sure, sometimes you screen.
But sometimes you are really not there, hence the idea of an 'answering machine.'
So when a business called --a harassing business --and left this message, I had to play it again because I could not believe my ears as well as not understanding a word of what was said the first time.
The gist of it said something like this:
"If this is the ________ residence, and you are ________, it is very important that we speak with you. We are (talking faster than I can even understand what the heck they are saying) and we can be reached at X-XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Since you are still on the line and have not hung up the phone yet, I assume that this is the __________ residence...."
People--we have not hung up the phone because we are not home and are not even hearing this phone message until 7 hours after the message was left.
Since you are still on the line and have not hung up the phone yet? Youhavegottobe_ittingme!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
It's better to give than to receive!






Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas!
And to my friends who may not celebrate Christmas as such, the sentiment is still there stronger than ever for your traditional religious beliefs!
I'm in uncharted territory--celebrating Christmas from start to finish without Mom. Fortunately, I am not alone. But still, nothing I will do today will be like I've ever done it before!
I can not even imagine NOT celebrating Christmas. Yet, recently I saw Medium John Edwards talk about how, after a great tragedy or death of a loved one, many stop celebrating holidays, events, birthdays. Wow! I'm not like that. I must carry on the tradition and try harder to remember our loved ones, especially during these cherished times.
What WILL BE the same is singing all the Christmas Masses.
What's not the same is having a later dinner which leaves time for a little more baking! Gonna attempt to make our 'fruit pastry.' That's not what it's called but honestly, I could not spell it if my life depended on it! Basically it's dough filled with raisins and mincemeat topped with home made frosting baked golden brown! YUM!
Will mine taste like Mom's? That's been the question this whole holiday season!
I must say, even if it does not taste exactly the same, the fact that I have been able to pull together St. Nick, all of our baking, wrapping the gifts Mom already bought, and do everything else has been handled with the assistance of MOM. When I feel like I can't do something, somehow it all comes together!!!!
We decided this year to get gifts for everyone --whomever can afford it.
Honestly, Mom and I were a lot alike in many ways but buying gifts for people was a big one. If we saw something that reminded us of someone to a tee, we'd buy it even if it were February!!
I know some folks may feel bad if they can not give out gifts, but I don't care! One of the greatest joys for me (always has been) is picking 'the perfect' gift, giving it to someone I love and ultimately watching them open it. The look on their face is priceless!! I'd rather experience that feeling over and over again than getting all the gifts in the world.
Giving out the gifts Mom bought for everyone will be interesting. She bought everyone at least one gift already...
Well, there's not much more I can say. I know all of us will cherish spending the day with each other. We always have fun, laugh, and eat a delicious meal on Christmas. And over the last few years the Cleveland Cavaliers have been in the spotlight making our day even more enjoyable!
The day will not be the same without the Matriarch of the family physically with us but we must move forward.
I still can not believe that just over two months ago, Mom was still alive and I was talking with her and holding her hand. I can't believe the amazing trips we took this year and Mom's 80th birthday celebration. And with the stop of her heartbeat, it was all gone.
Blows my mind. I will never ever get over this life-changing event. I think all of us know Mom is still with us. She comes through to me, at least in someway, every single day--either through a song, a phrase someone else says that is totally Mom, words spewing out of my mouth that I would not say, or just helping me solve a problem that normally would not get solved.
And again, what will help me get through this holy day is knowing that Mom IS celebrating Christmas with us and more importantly with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Christmas Eve traditions
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Rainbows End Christmas Tree
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The Birthday celebrations continue...
I enjoy parties, celebrating, remembering special occasions, and any reason to acknowledge a friend or family member...
I AM the party planner--one day will add that description to my long list of 'things I've done.'
However, my history with birthdays has not had a great track record causing me to be cautious.
It seemed the only person who really ever pulled it together for me was Mom.
Way back when she waved her magic wand and some how managed to get a bunch of my 'heroes,' the Cleveland Indians, to send me 'sweet 16' birthday cards from all over the world including one from Rookie of the Year Joe Charboneau and from Bo Diaz (rest in peace) who lived in Venezuela! No one and nothing will ever top that magical birthday!
Then when I got older and people started wrapping my birthday gifts in Christmas wrapping or giving me one gift for both, she initiated my 'half birthday' celebration in June!
Though I believe every day should be lived like it was the last, for some unknown reason, I cherish and count every minute of this 24-hour birth anniversary. My effort to make each second special on this particular day intensifies.
This year I forged ahead into this annual commemoration and 'uncharted waters' with an open mind knowing in my heart of hearts that though Mom was not physically here, she would orchestrate one heck of a birthday remembrance on my part.
And she has not let me down.
At the stroke of midnight on my birthday, one of Mom's favorite movies came on...no brainer--we had to watch it which turned into an all-night movie marathon!
I treated myself to a delicious slice of Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake while the cocktails freely flowed!
I found 3 beautiful ankle bracelets which Mom had squirrelled away for me.....they matched the lovely ring I bought for MYSELF on my birthday.
I have to tell you, I did not have plans for 'birthday proper.' My family had taken me out to dinner the weekend before.
My only obligation was singing at Church and I was going to make up the rest.
I received some pretty memorable cards including one from a dear friend in FLA.
I baked cookies all afternoon.....I truly felt Mom's presence as I acted as if I knew what I was doing. Even more amazing, the cookies came out just like Mom's!
I popped into my cousin Roseann's Christmas open house....had good food and great hospitality and then did whatever I wanted to do.
Some more of the same: good food, freely flowing drinks, terrific holiday movies and more much needed house work completed. Mom always hated when the newspapers piled up. Well, I'm sure she was cringing from above because not only were they piling up from the last few months but they were smack dab in the middle of the living room with no rhyme, no reason.
Cross that off of my to-do list and now I'm sure I am back in Mom's good graces!
All in all, the 24-hour holiday proper was tremendous.
But wait, there's more!
My choir sang at the Cathedral and actually made the late news! After church, one of MY all-time favorite movies came on fa-la-la-la Lifetime. Heaven!
The cleaning and decorating continued. Though there is still an insurmountable task ahead in the coming days, weeks, and months, some headway was made.
The festivities continued into the new week.
I was long overdue for a haircut. When I went to pay the bill, I found my stylist, Kelly, gave me a complimentary cut in honor of my birthday!
I believe that the only way the last few weeks could have happened without a hitch and with such merriment and joy is, once again, because of Mom--her unconditional love for me (and all of us), her wish for her children and grandchildren's happiness, and her feisty lingering spirit which will NEVER abandon us!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Is it being rude or just protecting yourself?
I was always taught to be nice to your fellow brothers and sisters....for you never know when the person you are helping, consoling, or feeding is really Jesus Christ.
Over the last few weeks I've run into a few overbearing, prying, intrusive people.
At first, I really tried being nice but it appears they are heading toward the label of being 'stalkers.' And now, though I still want to be Christian, I am going to put up a wall, be aloof, and downright rude if necessary. It looks like this 'new attitude' is the only way to protect myself and retain my sanity.
You will never guess where I've come across these people? CHURCH! That's right, CHURCH!
And unfortunately, I think I've said too much to them already.
These encounters were quite uncomfortable.
After morning Mass one day for Mom, one of the men proceeded to berate me about my future, my beliefs on marriage, and anything else he could say to upset me--all of this standing in the middle of the Church right before God. His African background and accompanying beliefs apparently differ from mine and the way I was raised. But what really gets me is two-fold: apparently, the meaning of that morning's Mass went right over his head and he does not respect other's opinions.
Then a few days later, the same man walked up to me, asked me where I worked --unfortunately I told him and he just walked away. He did not say, 'Oh, that's interesting!' He said nothing to further the conversation. He just walked away. What is up with that?!?!?!
The other man said he enjoys listening to the choir sing, especially me, and even moved up right next to us. Tho at first glance, that sounds flattering, the questions he asked at Church this weekend outright frightened me. Fortunately, another lady in choir was a witness, saw how upset I was getting and hopefully will back me up if she ever sees him again or report this to others.
It's really an awful feeling.
One place where I used to feel so safe, so secure, and in my element singing and praising God with the gift He gave me has been stolen away from me as I dread seeing these two rude men at Church now. They make me feel like I don't want to share my talents to the fullest because I feel the need to avoid them.
Quite a predicament. I know my family and friends will help protect & guide me in these situations, but hopefully, God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph and Mom will also help me and watch over me acting as my guardian angels.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Why should I get the H1N1 vaccine??!!?
I've never gotten a flu shot, and knock on wood, I've never really gotten the flu.
I've seen a lot of people get the flu shot and get very ill, including Mom who got the pneumonia shot one year and almost died from pneumonia.
Let's face it, I haven't even been to see a doctor in 5 and 1/2 years. Hopefully, that will change in the new year, but I just pray whichever new doctor I find does not find anything!
So I heard about the H1N1 Clinic at the Galleria. I figured, what the heck. I made a deal with myself. IF there is a line, I was going to turn around a leave and it was not meant to be.
IF there was no line, I was supposed to get the vaccine.
I pre-registered on-line the night before and printed out my paperwork.
Not only was there NO line, but the person in charge of the entire vaccine clinic was a fellow college classmate of mine.
That was a sure fire sign from God that I was to get the H1N1 vaccine.
When I saw Patrick, I did ask him, "So tell me again WHY I should get the H1N1 vaccine?"
And he said, "because we are old!"
Monday, December 14, 2009
Her doctor did not even know she was dead???!!?
I'm not gonna go off on anyone.
I'm not gonna be negative or even complain.
I'm just telling a tale, a true tale at that, an UNBELIEVABLE true story as it unfolded before my eyes.
[Insert commentary here]
This saga of something that REALLY happened to me is a PERFECT example of why this world is so messed up. We don't communicate anymore. Texting, email, Twitter, Facebook does NOT count. Trust me, over the last 7 weeks alone, I've run across so many individuals and institutions who have lost the fine art of communicating. And what's even more exasperating is WHO is failing this quiz: businesses, banks, government agencies such as social security & pension, medical companies, insurance companies, cashiers, bankers, clerks and just normal folks.
[End of commentary]
I received a message on our answering machine from the office of one of Mom's Doctors. In fact, it was from the office of the main doctor who took care of Mom at the end of her life--her lung doctor.
Her lungs were fine when she went into Hillcrest Hospital (that was NOT the reason we rushed to the ER) but apparently laying in bed, not having anyone get you up or pay attention to you for the first 4 days Mom was there tends to cause pneumonia. Unfortunately, no matter how extensive the treatments, her lungs could not recover to beat the pneumonia or other ailments she picked up DURING her hospital stay.
She passed away.
Her lung doctor was the one who advised her along the way on her options, her treatments, her possible outcomes and was the one who ultimately took her off her oxygen, her meds, and just let her go.
So why in God's name is staff in her lung doctor's office calling our home and leaving messages that Mom has a doctor's appointment?
You are kidding me, right?
A cruel joke?
I am not confrontational and hate making waves. But I could not let this go. However, I did not make a big stink.
But deep down inside, I needed to call the office and let them know they really screwed up. They ALL need to communicate. They need to pay more attention to their patients. They need to think of their patients as people and not numbers.
She was shocked and extremely sorry. But you know, that's not enough. I'm sure this will happen time and time again as doctors today stack up their patients scheduling 4 at a time during the same time slot.
Ironically, Hillcrest Hospital has sent TWO surveys regarding Mom's stay. You can be sure I WILL be filling the survey out and sending it back. I WILL give them a piece of my mind in order to restore PEACE to MY mind!!
I WILL give them much advice including Don't send a survey to a dead person!!!! It WAS addressed to Mom.
Oh, this is not over....trust me. When it has to do with Mom, the love of my life, she will always get justice in the end.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Bruce Springsteen - Lonesome day (The Rising Album)
Multiple platforms with this terrific song--in no particular order. Come on, it's the Boss. He does not have a bad song and keeps cranking out tremendous hits. So many words including the title depict how I feel these days. The 1st time I heard this song when it came out, I must admit, I did not know which one of my "Rocker Hunks" was singing. If you close your eyes and listen closely--especially to the line "I'm gonna find my way," or "It's gonna be ok," it sounds like my other FAVE --Michael Stanley! Either way, it's a WIN-WIN situation and a FANTASTIC song!
Friday, December 11, 2009
My first wake and funeral since Mom's death
Somehow doing the right thing, doing what I needed to do made it ok.
I've always believed that, even when I was a little girl.
Mom would round us up and say we were going here or there. At first, sighs, looks of disappointment, or just a lack of energy and enthusiasm. But once I arrived 'wherever'--whether it be an old Aunt's home or a church function or the wake of a family member I really did not even know, I realized it WAS the right thing to do and felt satisfied and fulfilled.
The mother of one of my dearest friends just passed away after a long bout with brain cancer.
I've known Monina it seems like forever! I would see Linda every time I went to one of her family functions, birthdays, holiday open houses, or a 'just whatever' gathering.
I never even gave it a second thought whether to go or not, regardless of my continuing grief.
And, as usual, I am thankful I attended not only the wake, but Linda's funeral mass and prayers at the cemetery.
I've said this before and will believe it until I myself die.
I hope I will never say "I know how you feel. I know what you are going through."
Because I don't. And no one knows the nightmare I am living.
Amazingly enough, I learned so much from Mom's funeral. I thought I knew how to console people and the proper protocol through the entire dying, death and grieving process. And, believe it or not, I pretty much do.
However, living through this life changing event has fine-tuned every single aspect of death for me.
When I learned Monina's Mom passed away, MY Mom's training kicked into high gear--find out when the wake and funeral are...send flowers....fix a meal.....make a donation....pick out a fitting Mass card....and last but certainly not least, be there for your friend.
I stopped in at visitation on my way to work and did not put a time limit on it. God blessed me by not only being able to pay my respects to Mr. Jimenez, Monina, and Leslie but to be able to visit with two very dear friends of mine: Tommy and Mark. I keep in touch with Tommy and just love him to death. Whether he knows it or not, he's my rock. He helped bring Mom home from Dialysis on many nights and is there whenever I need him. He also is the first Christmas card I get each year which puts a kink in the whole birthday thing. He says he can not send me a Christmas card before my birthday card so winds up sending my birthday card a month early--which ALWAYS brings a huge smile to my face reminding me that someone out there really loves me and remembers me!
I had not seen Mark in ages even though we have a special "Christmas Card Exchange" each Christmas. That's all I will say to keep the tradition special.
I really do not know how Mo feels, but just going through this myself, I was not afraid to let her cry on my shoulder--because I needed that myself....I grabbed her hand and told her she will get through this because I believe she will. I now have first hand knowledge of what helped me get through and maybe, just maybe, those gestures will help others. We ARE going through similar events, which I am sure will only solidify our friendship.
Monina told me 'I can't believe I am saying this but thank God for Brittany Spears and Miley Cyrus. They are the only two artists I can listen to without bursting into tears.'
On this instance, I can say --I know what you are talking about! The ride from the funeral home to our church on the day of Mom's funeral, I listened to our favorite channel, Siriusly Sinatra, for the first half of the trip and was reminded of something special between Mom and I plucked from every single song. Then I switched to my favorite channel, the Springsteen station. Mom played one of my favorite songs, "Jungleland." It was kind of eerie actually that not only one of my faves popped up in a play list of thousands, but it was timed out perfectly. The minute I pulled up in front of church behind the hearse, Bruce sang the famous ending to "Jungleland." Now, every time I hear that song, I burst into tears.
I finally realize why it is so important to sign the guest book, legibly, with complete details. After writing nearly 250 thank you notes, it really helped having the information together in one place.
There were so many other things I have learned over the last 47+ days, hopefully things that will help me grow and cope as well as console and teach others as we all try to survive in this thing we call 'life.'
Linda's mass sent me back to Mom's Mass, where it was quite fuzzy though lovely. I planned the whole thing and I believe it was perfect. However, I also sang Mom's entire funeral and because of that, I could not lay the pall on Mom's casket (my sister and aunt did that) and I was so focused on the music, it was all I could do to not start shaking or break down. I'm sure if I had not been singing my recollection of Mom's Mass would be a bit different from actually being in the congregation.
Since Mom was cremated, we never went to a cemetery, which seems kind of weird now as I waited in line to head to Holy Cross.
As I was following the caravan of what had to be over 30 cars making their way to the cemetery, I realized it's not always good being first--I learned this on the day of Mom's funeral as I was the lead car after the hearse traveling from the funeral home to the church. And unfortunately, my dear dear friend is learning this same lesson today.
I love you Monina.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Merry Christmas from Heaven

Monday, December 7, 2009
She continues to be the smartest woman in the world

Saturday, December 5, 2009
Quite awkward
Wrapping presents Mom bought....and the recipients opening them.
People still asking me 'How's Mom? Where's my girlfriend?'
Making out the Christmas Flower list for church donating Poinsettias 'In Memory of Mom.'
Worse yet, scheduling my 2010 Masses and adding Mom's name to the list under 'Death Anniversary.'
Soon to be sending out our annual holiday Christmas letter to people who are going to get a great shock if they did not know Mom passed away.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Just like family
And the reason I know that is because a little message beeps on, "oil change required." Technology, it's wonderful! What will they think of next?
My dealership is a ways away and I've had people tell me, 'just go to Lube Stop or somewhere closer.'
Well, I'm glad my advice givers did not sway me. I can not tell you how many times I've kicked myself for listening to someone else and not following my own advice.
My dealership is terrific. They are just like family. When I bought my car it was an enjoyable experience rather than a nerve wracking time. Let's face it, the 'reason I needed a new car' was stressful enough and life-changing. I did not need some rude, intense sales person pressuring me.
So right off the bat I loved them! And so did Mom. And, surprise surprise, they ALL loved Mom!
Every time I get my car serviced, I bring the service department a little basket of treats as well as my car salesman. Kenny is a gem. One of the nicest people I've ever met.
What really moved me was when Mom passed away.
I opened a card and Klaben had made a donation in the name of Mom.
I was stunned yet at the same time, not surprised. That's the caliber of the Klaben folks.
So I made the Trek to Kent. It was a wonderful experience.
During my wait, I had quiet time for reflection and my daily prayers.
They fixed me up good as new. I had a great talk with the girl who handled my trip AND I popped in to see Kenny.
We spoke for almost an hour. He just LOVED Mom. It was great being able to relax, unwind, and reminisce about Mom with a friend--without people firing all kinds of questions about my future at me or giving me bad news.
Not only was it an enjoyable trip, but productive. I made 4 other stops along the way.
I love these kind of days! Thanks, Jesus!